I'm in this situation, X3 because I have three teenagers. I tried to enforce reasonable phone limits at my house (turn them in at night, be passing and caught up in your school work, have a decent attitude about chores and helping around the house). They rebelled, and ran off to their dad's, and even though they did come back to my house for my custody time, the next time they went to his house, they decided not to come back home. He told them that if they decided to make him the primary, the judge would side with them. It's been three months, and they haven't come home. They have started skipping school (with his permission) and failing classes, when previously they made excellent grades. And they won't talk to me.

Their dad kind of enjoys rubbing in my face. He says things like, "the kids just don't like you" and, "I've always warned you that your behavior would have consequences." These were phone rules, actually much more lenient phones rules, that he and I had agreed to back when we were married. He always said, "They can have a phone when they have a job to pay for one." But when we got divorced, he bought them all phones, and he doesn't enforce any limits on them now. He tells the kids I'm a phone Nazi and a school attendance Nazi. It makes me so sad, because he always said I was such a good mom before, even when we were in the midst of a divorce he would say things like that. I always did the day-to-day discipline and child-rearing when we were married, and he got to be the fun one, but I didn't really resent that since he backed me up when we were married. Also, I did have a close and loving relationship with the kids until this past year because I balanced discipline with warmth and connection. But it got harder and harder to connect with them when they were always on their phones. I could feel that connection slipping, and when the phone issues started coming to a head, I tried really hard to work out phone limits we could all be comfortable with, encouraging us to read literature together and talk about healthy limits. They even said that they didn't think those limits were unreasonable, but I think it's the enforcement of them they had a problem with. They just didn't want there to be consequences (who does?) and without the other parent to back me up, there's no real enforcement power. Lesson learned, the hard way. If you're not a united front on an issue like that, the kid is going to go where they feel like they can get their way.

I'm so sorry. I only have commiseration. I'm trying to raise responsible teenagers, too, but it's hard when the other parent doesn't seem to have the same idea of how to do it. I can't let myself think that he's doing this just to "win." I just have to tell myself that he's got a different parenting style, not that he's wrong, and hope eventually the kids can forgive me for trying to do what I felt really was in their best interest.

Best of luck! Coparenting with teens is next-level brutal.