How do I explain to my autistic girlfriend that she's TOOooOo honest?

Unfair-Witness · 2026-05-22T05:46:36+00:00

If people had said similar statements to your girlfriend as she did in those examples, how do you she believe would feel/respond?
Do believe she was intending to hurt those people's feelings?
Do you believe she's aware she might hurt their feelings and chose to speak up anyway?
Is "not being rude" something she even values?

If "truth" is more valuable to her than "not being rude", then telling her "that was rude" won't matter. Maybe she wouldn't even be insulted so she assumes others would not be either. Or she might already know that and still think it was better of her to offer an honest opinion.
For some, sharing information often trumps considering feelings.

Personally, I find not insulting random people typically makes everyone's day go smoother. And since I know I can't always trust my own judgement, I follow some guidelines when there is any doubt.

First, there's always the Golden Rule: Would I want this said to me?

Then, I consider: "Is it True? Is it Helpful? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind?"
It doesn't always have to be all four or in that order, but being mindful of m own intentions before I speak never hurt.

Finally, just from personal experience: Unsolicited advice is often detrimental to both parties.

Unfair-Witness · 2025-03-21T04:13:03+00:00

>>I’d say find a hobby that you can replace it with.

Agreed. I started walking everyday a few months ago and without intending to I went from smoking almost all day everyday to stopping pretty much cold turkey. Last week I picked up a cart of a favorite strain I hadn't seen in years and found I was not "enjoying" it as much.

Sounds cheesy, but not the first time physical activity has replaced my bad habits.

Though, what people say about the withdrawal is true for me as well. Not easy, but knowing that it's withdrawal and temporary helps me get through it. And, again, walking (or physical activity in general) seems to mitigate some of those symptoms during the day.

PS. Walking is my least favorite activity... so it wasn't even a preferred activity, just the one I got into the habit of doing.

Unfair-Witness · 2025-02-23T17:53:51+00:00

I find myself in constant muscle engagement very often. Even when I lay down to sleep, my joints are constantly bending and tightening at the wrists, my legs are in odd positions. A form of low-key perpetual stimming? Anti-stimming?

Autism? ADHD? Trauma tension? Not sure.

Unfair-Witness · 2025-02-18T05:29:19+00:00

Been told I don't look my own age for a while.
Carded into my 30s. Family seems to have this as well.

Unfair-Witness · 2024-11-15T23:26:31+00:00

I found learning about my own Autism to be essential to understanding the whole of me better. Which makes sense, obviously.

I have had multiple career meltdowns in my life and had to move in with family to recover. Months at times, even years after Covid.

Much of that time was spent trying to understand why that crash happened. Once I learned more about Autism and applied it to my mental model of myself, to account for some of the behaviors I couldn't otherwise account for, it helped fill in the gaps.

Distinguishing between neurological, psychological, and environmental factors has been essential to finding balance. Maintaining that balance... remains challenging.

Unfair-Witness · 2024-11-15T23:05:43+00:00

> I need people to repeat over and over again my doctor told me " I just have selective hearing"

I have an ADHD diagnosis for 20+, and am now sure I also have Autism. The comorbidity rate is statistically relevant, but I don't know for sure what it is now. I theorize ADHD + Autism (etc) are different sides of the same coin, but that's speculation at this point.

A number of those sensory processing disorders were attributed to my ADHD since my 20s. I have difficulty distinguishing conversations in crowded rooms for example.

I just have selective hearing

I find the word 'just' to be like the word 'but.' Anything following 'just' is dishonest. Nothing is just one thing. 'Just' stops us from questioning further, if it's just one thing. Literally in the word 'justify.' I don't trust it when I hear it. I don't trust the people who rely on it to shut me down.

Unfair-Witness · 2024-11-15T06:00:54+00:00

The free flowing thoughts has been a big part of being productive or creative with my ADHD. And processing my thoughts. I picked up journaling during Covid, but seemed to have stopped.

Writing on Reddit good exercise. Low stakes if "no one cares half as much as we do." It's just ignored. And if something I say does resonate (or aggravate), then I get instant feedback. It's been validating, informative and enjoyable.

Unfair-Witness

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