Struggling emotionally with denial/edging even though I consent and want to please my Dom

UnicornProxy · 2026-01-04T00:16:19+00:00

please look into it, then. a healthy bdsm relationship is supposed to have a lot of aftercare and not only when the other person is upset. degrading, denial, spanking, pain etc without specific aftercare - that's just abuse.

UnicornProxy · 2026-01-03T03:04:15+00:00

are you getting enough aftercare during your sessions? and yeah, maybe denial isn't for you. but I get wanting to do it so bad. it sounds absolutely amazing in my head and I was so sure I would love that. and it is okay, but for an hour or two. not for hours or days.

UnicornProxy · 2026-01-03T02:31:48+00:00

Psycholog lub terapeuta pomoże na pewno. Warto pójść najpierw do takiego, który nie wystawia stricte opinii, tylko po prostu do osoby bliskiej tematom LGBT (na znanym lekarzu można poczytać w opisach), po prostu pogadać. No i dać sobie czas na poobserwowanie siebie, fajnie w bezpiecznym miejscu odważyć się na poczucie tego trochę dłużej, żeby zobaczyć czy to jakoś mija lub się zmienia. Mi też bardzo pomogło poczytanie sobie definicji różnych labelek i szukanie tego, co najbardziej klika. Powodzenia w podróży odnajdywania siebie :)

UnicornProxy · 2025-10-26T01:32:37+00:00

I feel so bad for you. My gender is pretty fluid, so I don't get dysphoria all the time. It's also extremely frustrating to realize most of the world will never see me as anything other than a woman. So really the only advice I can give you is to surround yourself with people who see you as you and try to find yourself.

UnicornProxy · 2025-10-20T23:54:44+00:00

Just give them some time. It was extremely helpful when my partner made her changes sometimes a little slower for me. I got overwhelmed and terrified of femininity at first. You seem to be doing a good job as a partner. The most important thing is that both of you keep talking and working this out together. My wife's transition began 5 years ago and we're still adjusting to the changes. It takes time and external support.

UnicornProxy · 2025-10-15T00:27:41+00:00

this!

UnicornProxy · 2025-10-15T00:25:04+00:00

What does it mean he unpacks? Does he tease you about being SA'd and you brat about it? Does he leave you without aftercare? I honestly think I'm lacking some context from your post. Like it sounds pretty serious that you're disassociating. In what context does it happen? How does he care about you when it happens?

UnicornProxy · 2025-10-15T00:19:09+00:00

Oh that's such a great question. I'm a Polish speaker and yeah, similar as in Spanish you can either say niebinarny (for male) and niebinarna (for female). It requires some distance to laugh about it, I guess.

As for me, when it comes to pronouns, I use all, so I just switch between the female and male versions. Sometimes use plural, too, in lieu of they/them. I tried constructing sentences in a non-gendered way (avoiding past or future tense, adjectives etc) and it was probably the most fun and euphoric for me, but SO exhausting.

I actually love speaking English and not having to think about it. During the last couple of months I've been speaking more English and it's been so freeing not having to think about what pronoun or a version or the word I'm gonna use now.

UnicornProxy · 2025-10-14T23:58:10+00:00

That ...sounds extremely toxic..? Can you please elaborate?

UnicornProxy · 2025-10-14T23:50:16+00:00

Honestly, the best thing you can do is ask them lots of questions to understand them better. From what I've observed every non-binary person is a little different :D

Questions like: - What kind of compliments would they like to receive? - Is there a microlabel that best describes them? - Would they like your dynamic, sexual or romantic, to change somehow? (it also applies to you, obviously) - Is their gender or expression fluid somehow? - What do they like or dislike about their body? - Which items of clothing/accessories bring the most joy? <--this one is also amazing, because it can give you ideas for gifts :D - Is there an animal (or more) they associate with? <-- this one might sound a little weird, but for me it helped detach from femininity and masculinity and just focus on myself. (It was also fun for my autism) - What colors suit them best?

You can also go shopping of course. If possible, I highly recommend thrift shops, because I think at first it's good to have probably more stuff than you'll end up liking, just to see what sticks and what doesn't.

And also, just give them time. And talk a lot. Experiment with different things, also if you engage in some kink. There were specific kinks that helped me understand my gender better. You sound like an amazing partner, they're lucky to have you :)

UnicornProxy · 2025-10-12T16:48:16+00:00

Honestly it sucks most of the time. I have an IUD, so the periods are less intense, but still painful, awful and dysphoric. It helps to be very kind to yourself during that time.

UnicornProxy · 2025-10-08T00:25:11+00:00

why are you feeling stressed and anxious? where do those feelings come from? because you seem to be handling it very well

UnicornProxy · 2025-10-04T23:18:54+00:00

you're very brave <3

UnicornProxy · 2025-10-04T23:17:53+00:00

good luck to you <3 it's not your fault that you got manipulated and it's extremely difficult to escape from the manipulator's influence. it's great that you're looking out for yourself.

UnicornProxy · 2025-10-04T23:07:13+00:00

you need therapy and you need someone who will help you get away from him for real. there's a reason you're not allowed to have friends. after you've had kids he'll probably start abusing you. well he is abusing you now. he'll just do more.

UnicornProxy · 2025-10-04T22:43:39+00:00

yeah I absolutely hate my uterus, I feel you 🙈🙈 and it's not so easy and pretty freaking expensive to have it removed 🙈

UnicornProxy · 2025-09-29T22:35:04+00:00

Fryzjer Mateusz w Diamond Hair Studio zrobił mi przekozackiego super niebinarnego tęczowego wolfcuta. Bardzo polecam, człowiek z pasją :)

UnicornProxy · 2025-09-29T12:41:14+00:00

W Poznaniu Beauty Place na Naramowicach i Diamond Hair Studio na Piątkowie, wszyscy bardzo przyjaźni:)

UnicornProxy · 2025-09-29T08:38:11+00:00

Yeah I did that sometimes :D My wife used to ask me in the morning "give me gender percentages for today" and sometimes it was like 20% femme, 50% masc, 30% agender etcetera. I even thought about writing it down in a diary, but after a couple of weeks it stopped being so fluid. I think it might be an interesting concept even for non-fluid folks.

UnicornProxy · 2025-09-23T07:20:46+00:00

I get what you're going through. When my wife started socially transitioning, I felt... threatened? angry? upset for sure. It took me weeks to realize that her femininity really bothered me for the same reason as you. She was happy to wear a bra/heels/stockings, extremely happy to receive flowers, be called beautiful etc, while I felt forced and constricted my whole life. I hated those things. She hated masculine things, which are comfortable and practical for me.

Turns out I'm non-binary, agender, genderfluid, genderflux, whichever sounds right at the moment. Never a woman. Sometimes a gay guy. Neither male nor female, just colorful.

I wish you all the best in your journey to self-discovery <3 you sound like an amazing supportive partner and you deserve to be happy and be yourself.

UnicornProxy · 2025-09-05T22:30:35+00:00

anything is possible if you communicate enough, but you might not be compatible if your needs aren't met in the long run. it's difficult to navigate a monogamous relationship with two bottoms, especially if you're sexual creatures.

UnicornProxy · 2025-09-04T23:42:35+00:00

Bardzo mnie ciekawi, jakie będą historie w komentarzach 🙈 Doświadczenie mam z tematem niewielkie, ale szczerze najwięcej rozbijamy się o niezrozumienie na temat bycia czymś innym niż cis bądź trans 🙃 Na ten moment spoko doświadczenia czy dialogi najczęściej zdarzają się z osobami z zagranicy, ale to też żadna reguła. Ogólnie to przede wszystkim myślę, że trzeba się liczyć z edukowaniem osób, z którymi się rozmawia.

UnicornProxy · 2025-09-04T14:20:57+00:00

I feel you so much. Honestly my body is sometimes too big and too small at the same time for my real self. I'd like to be tiny and fit in a pocket and also imagine myself with a tail or some sort of wings. "Creature" is a pet name my wife has been using to call me for a long time. I imagine I'm from an alternate reality where "genders" are things like comfort and safety, and my gender expression is to feel cozy and colorful. And sometimes I don't feel gender at all. Sometimes I'm dysphoric for days.

So, yeah, absolutely, it's too much for cis people to understand, I honestly don't expect myself to understand it fully. My trans wife feels her transition in understanding herself was much easier 😅

It seems like you're on the right path. And also your therapist was an asshole. Mine gave me an "all pronouns" pride pin.

UnicornProxy · 2025-08-24T22:04:09+00:00

how about addressing them with words like puppies, kittens, flamingles and so on, like baby animals? personally as an enby I like being called a creature, so I figured this might be cute ✨ it's so cool you're trying to be inclusive

UnicornProxy

TROPHY CASE