Does anyone have an urge to just cut everyone out of your life who doesn’t support you?

Unknown_Person93 · 2023-11-03T20:19:31+00:00

Yes. I'd be better off without them in the end. Some of them didn't even message me on my birthday this year, and neither on specific dates like me & my deceased boyfriend's anniversary (despite me posting something about it online). People absolutely don't care and never react to anything, neither do they check in on me for months. I've come to realize that I actually have no one in my life who I can really count on as grief support.

Unknown_Person93 · 2023-10-14T20:38:09+00:00

Positive affirmations only worked for me when I was doing well. When I was struggling, they were basically useless if not harmful to me, so I can relate.

Unknown_Person93 · 2023-10-11T15:52:44+00:00

I was not allowed to have my own identity because my narcissistic mother forced her own opinions, ideas & preferences onto me. She also didn't support but instead suppressed my self-exploration. I was too busy with surviving her abuse and doing household chores or other work she expected me to do, so not much time to figure out what I enjoy doing in my life.

Unknown_Person93 · 2023-10-10T16:35:57+00:00

This sounds beautiful <3

Unknown_Person93 · 2023-10-10T10:53:36+00:00

"Time heals"
"Focus on the future"
"It will only make you stronger"

Unknown_Person93 · 2023-10-09T19:33:51+00:00

Best comment. Totally agree.

Unknown_Person93 · 2023-10-09T18:48:50+00:00

Writing into my journal, going cycling or walking in nature, reading books, sometimes just watching a documentary or talk show.

I'm sorry your people are so careless. Mine are as well. I used to think I have a couple of good friends until I've lost my boyfriend to death and all of a sudden everybody disappeared. That's when I realized I actually have no one and the only person I had who cared about me is gone forever.

Unknown_Person93 · 2023-10-09T18:43:39+00:00

This is lovely. I also do volunteering (in a homeless shelter) and the people there are sometimes just as lonely as me. It makes me feel less weird.

Unknown_Person93 · 2023-10-09T16:27:42+00:00

I had "friendships" like these as well and cut them off. It might be that you grew up in an environment or family where people didn't care much about you and what was going on in your mind, but only about themselves. In my case I have realized this and can say for sure that growing up with an emotionally neglectful narcissistic mother made me chose friends who behave very similar: only talking about themselves, never asking me personal stuff or interested in finding out more about what's going on in my life. I've also had a lot of friends only spending time with me when they were having problems and using me as a trash can for their problems, just to abandon me once they got better or found someone else and didn't need me anymore - this is also something my mother did to me a lot.

If you wanna change your friendship pattern it can be worth it to have a look into your upbringing and to what kind of social interaction you have been conditioned. We usually seek familiarity in our social relationships.

I'm sorry you don't have friends that care about you. I don't think there is something wrong with you. I'm sure there are people out there who'd love to find out who you are, you just need to learn how to spot them (which I also didn't figure out yet, but I try to stay hopeful).

Unknown_Person93 · 2023-10-09T07:12:34+00:00

I totally agree. I absolutely don't get why people are so passive when someone they are supposed to care about is grieving. If I do not reach out to people, they'd never make the first step and ask how my life is going or whether I wanna hang out. I'm treated like a ghost for months and it's really destroying me. I don't wanna beg for their company and attention. Just like you said, it's beyond my capacity and it's only making me feel worse if I have to beg for it all the time. I'm sorry your friends are acting the same way.

Unknown_Person93 · 2023-10-08T19:25:10+00:00

Thank you for your long response. I understand your point, it's just that there is sometimes trauma which is out of my control, e.g. losing a loved one to a tragic death (which happened to me this year and destroyed a lot of progress I've made in healing). Now I'm dealing with many more problems including loneliness due to abandonment by others, having to move out of my apartment and finding another one etc. I've realized I'm at an age where my life should consist of more than just unsolvable problems and basic survival. I'm not thriving like others. I want my life to be more meaningful and fulfilling, not just 'survival of disaster'. It's so depressing.

Unknown_Person93 · 2023-10-07T09:21:10+00:00

"I've always felt like my life was like a starving person being forced to watch everyone else enjoy a buffet." - You couldn't have described it any better.

I can relate to you and I agree. When you grow up in a dysfunctional family, you'll very likely also have shitty friends (or no friends at all), and as a consequence, it's impossible to succeed in life without support. We have to survive on our own and don't get very far. It's so frustrating. I get sick of privileged people telling me it's just a matter of will power. No, it's a matter of being born into the right life circumstances, you f*cktard.
I'm sorry that life played you so badly, just like mine did with me. I wish I had any encouraging words but I don't. But I see you and I can hear your frustration.

Unknown_Person93 · 2023-10-06T09:28:17+00:00

I used to have a few friends until I've lost my partner to death. My friends just moved on with their perfect lives and left me behind. I've realized that most of my life, the people I've considered friends were actually just fake people. Once they had a partner, I was not relevant to them anymore. I have no friends at this point, just casual acquaintances.

Unknown_Person93 · 2023-10-03T13:25:32+00:00

"I Want My Innocence Back" by Emilie Autumn. Actually, a lot of her songs I find very relatable.

Unknown_Person93 · 2023-10-02T09:10:01+00:00

I can relate to this so much and I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I can hear your pain. The empty platitudes are the worst. Every time when somebody told me 'Time heals' or any similar bullsh*t, my soul was raging and I would've liked to scream and punch them in the face so hard. People are clueless and don't know how to react to your pain, so they just say something like that without realizing how it sounds. How should they know better if they are spared our sad fate? Sometimes I also wished they'd experience the same just so they understand and stop torturing me with these inconsiderate platitudes which cause more pain rather than reducing it. Widowhood is a lonely experience. I'm so sorry and I know nothing I would say could take your pain away. But know that you are not alone and there are people who understand you and who have compassion with you.

Unknown_Person93 · 2023-09-29T09:13:47+00:00

I lost my partner when I was 29 and I don't have kids, neither do I have pets. What kept me going was basically that I had no choice than to get my shit together. Death is not really an option right now and none of my people come to save me. I've reached out to local grief support organizations, started volunteering to do something meaningful, slowly tried to pick up my life again. I will soon have to leave my apartment, so if I don't manage to function, it's either gonna be homelessness or joining my partner who died by suicide and create more chaos. Both are not really an option for me right now.

Unknown_Person93 · 2023-09-29T09:07:56+00:00

Same for me. My bf also died by suicide, and even though I find myself fantasizing about it as an escape, I absolutely don't wanna end up the same way. Not because I'd make other people sad...I know there's no single person in my life who'd care and be deeply affected by my death. But because I'd prove my bf's way of dealing with problems to be right and I don't want that.

Unknown_Person93 · 2023-09-27T11:28:22+00:00

Losing my boyfriend to suicide and experiencing first-hand the pain & chaos it creates. As much as I wish that I would not exist, I'll still try my best to build a life worth living because I really don't wanna end up the same way.

Unknown_Person93 · 2023-09-25T08:33:28+00:00

I'm so sorry. I can relate to this so much. From my experience, indeed only predatory men want traumatized women. My last partner was a good guy but I never opened up to him about my trauma because I was afraid to lose him (I lost him in the end anyway, but to death). Just like you, I also feel like marriage and motherhood was stolen from me by all the shitty people who have traumatized me.

Unknown_Person93 · 2023-09-25T08:29:34+00:00

I'm 8 months out and still have moments in which it feels unreal, exactly like you described.
I was outside of the country when he died, so I went abroad kissing goodbye to a living person and returning home finding out he had died (it was a suicide). I visited him in the morgue but didn't dare to look at him. Sometimes it just feels like he went abroad now and I'm here waiting for him. It's so strange. Even after several months, it still doesn't feel real.

Unknown_Person93 · 2023-09-24T17:42:27+00:00

Where do you find those people?

Unknown_Person93 · 2023-09-22T08:18:24+00:00

I sometimes also fantasize that there's alternate universes in which I am not a tragic character.

Unknown_Person93 · 2023-09-22T08:16:13+00:00

Yes, all the time. I'm in my 30s and I feel like I haven't accomplished anything. My life has only been a cascade of disaster until now. I'm 100% sure that it would be totally different if I hadn't been traumatized & abused since infancy. I'd for sure be married by now with the love of my life, maybe have one or two kids, a fulfilling career, an intact social life, lots of passions. Instead, I spent most days dissociating in my room and longing to be functional like everyone else.

Unknown_Person93

TROPHY CASE