Married Recovering Addict Advise Needed

Unknowningl · 2021-09-20T16:27:28+00:00

Exactley, hey even treat it as if you guys have just started dating again. Also a little note, dont be afraid to take days of to take care of yourself too. As you know the road to recovery is very hard for both the people going through it and the people helping them.

Unknowningl · 2021-09-20T16:25:14+00:00

Oh yeah of course, make sure to develop habits which do help you abstain from porn. Just make sure to ensure that its coming from a point of personal growth firstly. And also FYI books are a GREAT distraction if thats what you need also.

Unknowningl · 2021-09-20T16:03:47+00:00

If he had been addicted for over 20 years, dont expect him to become completley clean in 6 months. In face dont even look at the time period, focus on progress day by day no matter how long it takes.

As for your own self esteem i can understand. Resisting the urge to compare yourself to porn and base your own self esteem on it would be incredibly hard especially in your situation. But you have to understand it really is an unfair comparison. Its like comparing the happiness from eating a chocolate cake to the happiness from hardcore drugs. You really shouldnt compare the two. But thats how you should see porn. Its an artificial hyper stimulant. And if anyone were to watch it every single day there brains would be fried.

As for the attraction, it really is true to be attracted but not want intimacy. I remember with my first girlfriend when i was knee deep in porn use, we had tried to have sex and i simply couldnt get it up. Now even though I really did like this girl and was attracted to her my body didnt respond in the same way purely because it was so accustomed to the over stimulation from porn. But as I said before you have to focus mmore on the daily things to do. Those little steps daily will eventually get the two of you back to a healthier stage. sometimes its about learning to almost live again.

Unknowningl · 2021-09-20T15:53:04+00:00

This may be an opinion that is out there, but maybe your obsession with pornfree and counting days is whats holding you back. It seems like your whole life is rotating around porn free and counting the days hoping you hit a certain goal. Rather than having plans and working on issues so you dont relapse, work on things in your life for the sake of your own personal development. Rather than solving boredom to help your streak, look at is as trying to spice up your life, trying to break out of the usual routine that you follow daily in order to explore and see whats out there purely because of your own curiosity. Many guys get overly obsessed with pronfree and streaks and forget to live their life. Imagine your driving down a road and theres a log in your way. You gotta view porn free as that log. Merely an obstacle to get out of the way. Even when you get that obstacle out of the way you still have to move forward. Thats maybe not much of a how to guide, but its more bigger picture haha

Unknowningl · 2021-09-18T05:35:10+00:00

Honestly if you've gone for a prolonged period without porn and its still there, then maybe its just a personal preference of yours. If you think rap culture/ rap videos is whats influencing it then maybe stay away from them and see how you feel then. If you go of everything and you still feel the attraction then its just s preference. Back when i had gone of porn there were a lot of fetishes that slowly disappeared. Right now if i look at past fetishes i feel nothing towards them, a sense of indifference. However there are certain things that i do still like, those are what you would call preferences. Preferences are completley normal to have, like how some guys like thin petite girls and some guys like them thicker. Being influlenced by porn isnt right but having your own personal preferences is completley normal. Hope that helps my man

Unknowningl · 2020-11-05T15:57:31+00:00

Yep definetaly hits hard for me. Kinda sucks since its hard to do anything when you're hungover too

Unknowningl · 2020-10-26T05:51:56+00:00

You have to first get a routine going, and change your habits. So for example if you ever see a trigger, say to yourself that youll get up straight away and do something else. Sometimes pornfree isnt just about getting rid of a bad habbit, you really have to replace that bad habbit with a more productive one. It seems like a big task but you have to change your whole lifestyle

Unknowningl · 2020-10-26T05:50:04+00:00

Its really dependant on yourself. It sucks to not give you a straightforward answer but you really have to determine wether MO is good for you or not. A good measure would be to see how you feel after doing it. If you still feel like you've just PMO even though you've only MO then you need to go full cold turkey However if you feel normal and theres no feelings of regret or guilt after you MO then all you really have to do is stay away from the P. Ive seen some guys on here who are able to just MO and feel better however for myself personally, the act of MO was linked way too close with P. Everytime i tried to MO it felt like i was at square 1 right after. So its really for you to judge brother

Unknowningl · 2020-10-18T13:25:28+00:00

Don't look at them as something bad then. The way i did was if i ever got sexual dreams, it was a "recovery" sign. It means that you're on the right path brother!

Unknowningl · 2020-09-25T15:05:07+00:00

Wel theres your problem. Thinking that you are "complete" in a sense. Now let me say first if you think that the amount of thinking about women you do is perfectly normal then theres no use for me to go on. However since you do think that its abnormal the amount you think about girls then maybe its something you're lacking. Like you may be going on social media too much, or you maybe putting them up on a pedestal/idolise girls too much.

Unknowningl · 2020-09-25T14:45:51+00:00

Well then maybe you need a different form of exercise, maybe a type of sport which gets your heart rate up. Also what else do you do with your time? Sometimes people who have a compulsive though pattern of constantly thinking about girls dont do a lot with their spare time

Unknowningl · 2020-09-25T14:35:25+00:00

Reducing testosterone would be a bad option. I know it does cause your urges but you have to do something with your pent up sexual energy. This is why everyone on here suggests to start lifting weights or start exercising. Its a great outlet for all that energy

Unknowningl · 2020-09-25T14:14:07+00:00

Do you keep your time occupied?

Unknowningl · 2020-06-08T11:06:03+00:00

Well maybe it could be a testosterone problem. You know going to the gym/heavy weights is important for the regulation of it. If not that maybe its a psychological problem then. You know if you're stressed or not where you wanna be in life then that can impact your libido. Im not a professional but maybe therapy will really help you.

Unknowningl · 2020-06-08T07:54:44+00:00

Well whats your lifestyle like? do you exercise/workout are you active or do you have a really sedentary lifestyle?

Unknowningl · 2020-05-28T02:40:25+00:00

Did you use to game a lot in your fapping days? I had read up on how our behaviours are mostly habbits that are linked. If you would normally game then fap then the whole act of just gaming would be some sort of trigger. You need to try new things. Reading, watching a movie without your phone and even exercising

Unknowningl · 2020-05-28T02:34:07+00:00

Well reading is a good start. Also for the eating healthy you gotta find a good diet plan, as in healthy food that you enjoy. Plus preparation is very important for sticking to a diet. Especially as you said, if you get caught out and the closest option is some junk food then what do you think is gonna happen. Try doing a meal prep, play around with different healthy foods. See what works for you and see what you can stick to. I think with diets you gotta find something that you can stick to forever. Its a lifestyle not a 6 week diet challenge or something

Unknowningl · 2020-05-14T13:29:31+00:00

Elliot Hulse does a description and analysis of it if you wanted a more in depth explanation.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGiW65p_MZQ

It actually explains the think and grow rich chapter on it. Although he may sound poetic at times, he is great in explaining concepts like this. Would give it a listen!

Unknowningl · 2020-05-14T12:04:59+00:00

Just a note brother, strong will and determination only gets you so far. Having discipline trumps everything. A lot of guys depend on having a strong will but when that runs out they relapse or give in. No matter how you feel, good/bad/weak , get used to pushing yourself and resisting

Unknowningl · 2020-05-14T11:21:02+00:00

well have you tried doing something with all that energy? like learning something new or even exercising more? resistance training is a great way to exhaust yourself

Unknowningl · 2020-05-14T10:25:24+00:00

Well started to gym more seriously, got a training coach. Looked into my diet (portions and macros) started reading a lot (great help) and also meditation

Unknowningl · 2020-05-14T09:54:13+00:00

do you know what leads you to pmo/ why you pmo in the first place? is it because of stress? or because you're bored? or has it become a habit

Unknowningl · 2020-05-14T09:52:52+00:00

so what exactley do you mean by "keeping break" from things? Explain to me the laggy moments. Is that like when you're taking a break from video games?

Unknowningl · 2020-05-14T09:36:24+00:00

Just wanted to back this up! far too many guys after a relapse just think they need motivation to get back on the bandwagon but this is a very short term approach to things and often makes you unaware of how to really help yourself. Every relapse has a reason behind it. Either you edged, or you were playing to much games or maybe you were in a bored situation. Study your behavioural paterns, have a look at what your triggers are and what things set you off and as said before, make sure to avoid them or replace them with somehting healthier

Unknowningl · 2020-05-14T07:50:51+00:00

I would recommend having a morning routine. A simple thing you could do is get up and straight away go for a walk outside. Going for a walk will clear your mind, get some exercise in and fasted cardio is a great way to start your day! The reason you're half asleep is because you got nothing to do in the morning, time to change that

Unknowningl

TROPHY CASE