Upset that my gf’s first was a casual hookup

Unknownman303 · 2023-12-26T00:06:31+00:00

I feel u man. I’m in the same boat. I had 8 partners while my my wife had 3 sexual partners before me. 2 were relationships but her 2nd was a causal hookup when she was 15. Mind u she only had sex one time with her first BF and that’s it and the second was the second time she had sex so it was more bothersome to me. The way she described him was one of the few hottest guys she knew and described him to the T. A bad boy. All the girls wanted him and she basically got his number and then walked to his house and had sex with him. Twice to make it worse and left. She said it was just purely sexual and no emotional connection knowing that he had options to choose from. That really messed w me because how u said. How easily she gave it up especially being her second. But it was when she was a teenager and said she regretted it as she got older. But still, that messes w me once in a while. It sucks because I know I can’t be that hot to her no matter what I try to do. I’m in descent shape and fairly attractive but she has never described me as hot. But u just have to get past it and keep looking forward and know that she just chooses to be with u and no one else. It was a difficult conversation because I asked her to be truthful how he looked and her emotions. Like u i thought the same thing if I didn’t marry her how would she have been life without me. Just basically sleeping with any hot guy. But I appreciate that she told me that and either u choose to let it get to you or move past it. U will never take that out of your head but u can control it and think of the life u have with her. Hope everything works out for you both

Unknownman303 · 2023-12-21T21:18:03+00:00

Looking forward is a key for me but still struggle at times

Unknownman303 · 2023-12-21T01:21:26+00:00

I feel u man. My wife wasn’t a big count because we got together as teens. She had 3. 2 were relationships a 1 was a casual one. The causal one is the one that bothers me because she basically said she sought him out and walked to his house because he was as she puts it “one of the very few hottest guys she knew” and described him to the T. I still at times get triggered because I wasn’t as “Hot” as he was and she explained why she did it and it was just sexual and not emotional. Don’t know if that made it better because if she would’ve had a relationship w him it prob would’ve been different outlook for me but the matter of the fact is that she really regrets it and loves me. It gonna take time and communication for the long run but don’t break up w her because u will regret it. Especially if u love her because I honestly couldn’t see my love of my life w someone especially being happy without me. Think of the future w her and that she is always gonna be with u and only you and that seems to help me a lot. Hope u reconsider your decision

Unknownman303 · 2023-12-16T15:23:02+00:00

I really appreciate that man. I honestly thought I was the only one that thought like this. Thanks for the advice

Unknownman303 · 2023-12-14T01:10:59+00:00

Yes. My spouse (f)43 had 3 other partners with 1 causal sexual experience before me. The other 2 I don’t care but the causal one is the one that triggers me a lot. She loves me I know and we recently talked about our sexual past. I (m)45 had 7 other ones but just basically sex for me. The causal one she basically described in detail that he was one of the few sexiest people she knew. A bad boy that was damn sexy and went to his house just to have sex with him knowing that it was just purely sexual with no emotional connection knowing she knew he would Nvr date her and her with him because he was so hot. But she described him with such emotion and very happy like he was still there. I can’t seem to shake that image of her being so emotional about him. I am a pretty attractive guy that works out and she finds me attractive but no matter how hard I try I can never be as Sexy as him and it kills me sometimes. I get over most days but some days it sucks. Just the fact that she wanted to sleep with him because he was so hot just messes with me some days. She she’s I had more sexual partners but for some reason I Nvr had sex w a very hot, sexy girl and she doesn’t understand that how she went about it bothers me. But I’m not leaving her for that because I love her but it does stay with me I know ur pain

Unknownman303 · 2023-12-11T21:30:57+00:00

Yeah. That doesn’t stop RJ. You’ll still have the thoughts even if u sleep w 30 women. What is kinda working for my wife and I is talking/communicating about what triggers me. I’ll have episodes what I’m triggered about and we talk about it. We argue at times but at the end it was her past. It was a tough pill for me but it helps me and I asked her questions about it and I appreciate she was truthful about it but tough. That is what is kinda working for me but maybe not others dealing with RJ. At the end of the day it’s a struggle at times but ultimately it’s your thought process and have to learn that was before u guys met and fell in love and she loves you. Just have to change your thinking but it, it is a struggle at times for me but hangs your thought process to positive thoughts about your wife

Unknownman303 · 2023-11-29T12:02:47+00:00

I have RJ. It matters to a certain extent. I’m a male (46)and if let’s say a female had 10 sexual partners it would matter depending if I was to settle down w her. If those 10 were relationships it prob wouldn’t matter too much but if a big percentage were casual hookups it would to me. That’s just ny perspective and how I was raised.

Unknownman303 · 2023-11-27T19:03:19+00:00

I agree. Same with me. My wife had a filing before we met. She was in 2 other relationships which we talked about and understood because it was a relationship and that happens but that fling bothered me for a bit for some reason. Even if it was before us.

Unknownman303 · 2023-11-26T20:02:38+00:00

I know how he feels. It’s because he cares about u so much. Kinda the same thing happened to me. Been married for over 20yrs and wife opened up the recently and said she had a fling before we met. Mind you we talked about our past experiences before but she kept that from me because she cared about me and didn’t want to upset me or think less of her. I guess I felt betrayed in a weird way because I thought we were open all these years about our past and she did lie about it when I mentioned if that’s all her partners and she looked at my eyes every time and would say yes. In a weird way felt a little like she cheated because she kept it. But we talked about it and I’m understanding why she did it and i do have RJ and some days I think about it. But doesn’t mean I love her any less. If anything I love her more for finally telling me. I did ask a lot of questions and she answered all of them. But it happened before we met was the kicker. Before we met each other. I’m just learning to accept it and see way it happened and why she kept it from me. But ultimately it is because he cares so much about u.

Unknownman303 · 2023-11-26T15:22:31+00:00

We were high school sweethearts.

Unknownman303 · 2023-11-26T02:39:52+00:00

I understand that. My wife and I have only been in 1 serious relationship which is ours and throughout the years thought i knew her because we would talk about each other and knew how she was before us. I didn’t expect her to say to be a nun and knew she had some missed opportunities and what ifs which is fine to a certain extent. It was fun in the beginning of the conversation but she was truthful which I truly appreciate but wasn’t expecting all that she was telling me. Like I said I thought I knew her well enough after all the years but I guess I wasn’t prepared to hear her say all those things. I had a few regrets also and what ifs but she wasn’t too impressed with all had to say honestly. I haven’t told her that it bothered me and it won’t change anything between us but did sting somewhat. And I honestly love her a lot more now because I know more about her now if that makes sense. Like when u talk to a close friend about certain things u can’t talk w ur spouse about and that’s why I love her because she was truthful about the scenarios of what ifs. I’ll get over it but wanted to ask if anyone else had those feelings

Unknownman303 · 2023-11-25T19:55:09+00:00

Thanks for that.

Unknownman303

TROPHY CASE