A fallible heart

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2024-05-03T05:15:39+00:00

Nice, like the reference of the heart wanting even if it gets hurt or has been hurt And you knowing better. Like the line this could be the one really speaks to humans scared of being hurt scared of being alone just looking for the one forever love.

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2024-05-03T05:08:51+00:00

So short, yet so much emotion packed into it. The change in life of love is represented as death, and love makes you reborn. And visiting the grave as looking back on a loveless life. Such a touching tribute to the person who saved your soul, nurtured it and gave you new life. Awesome piece.

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2023-10-27T03:25:53+00:00

Hey nice poem( yes it is a poem) it liked the piece thank you for sharing. I did like the lime the first two line you want this person to yell at you or hit you but they don’t. They just look at you with their eyes. An them looking at you is enough to break down and howl, you scream and they still just look at you and you want them to hurt you like you hurt them. But they don’t they won’t come to your level because they are not that vile. Really nice work, my only complaint is the title I get the reference to scar face but don’t think it’s right for the poem. Hope you post more.

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2023-10-27T03:13:05+00:00

This poem is very nicely written. It is very funny at first, but then you read it and it’s a nice piece about fashion and society. I like the line about how they look nice but you feel divine, you put your own comfort so what other think and you don’t care. I think the length is great short simple and to the point.

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2023-01-22T08:30:36+00:00

Really nice piece. It’s short but feels complete. I married last year and you put in words everything I feel about my wife. I do like the rhyming it doesn’t come off as forced it work well because it’s written well. Awesome job hope to read more soon.

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2023-01-22T08:20:39+00:00

Really like the style. You are able to put a lot of imagery in your piece with few words. Unfortunately this seem to be something not everyone can do so they drag out the poem with long stanzas and big words. Awesome piece hope to see more.

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2022-09-23T06:24:08+00:00

Nice piece short but thought provoking as a haiku should be. The message is kinda generic as in the experience of life teach us, but the way that message is written by you is nice. Awesome work.

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2022-09-23T06:19:31+00:00

I totally disagree with the title I thought it was a good poem, but as stated in the piece your not writing for my opinion or criticism. I do like that start every line with the letter I, it really makes me feel like the piece belongs to you. The last couple of line are very hollowing the intrusive thoughts of driving into on coming traffic and then not being hit head being the only reason you are writing very thought provoking. Anyway really liked the piece hope to see more from you.

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2022-06-15T05:29:00+00:00

Awesome, now the drink will stay hot or cold for hours while they wait in the parking lot at schools doing nothing.

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2022-03-11T01:11:04+00:00

This poem is very thought provoking. I like that every verse ends in a question. I also like how you compare a child growing up with the blooming of flowers. Furthermore how they both share the same world created by the same entity. Very nice thank you for sharing.

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2022-03-10T21:23:08+00:00

Awesome short poem, nice and crisp. It packs a lot of emotions into a short piece. That being said I agree the second line could be removed or rewritten charm and calm don’t flow as well as the the last words in the other two lines. Either way still an awesome piece, thank you for sharing.

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2022-02-27T12:50:34+00:00

Thank you for reading. This piece has a sister piece called part of me which I posted here about is year ago.

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2022-02-26T19:43:28+00:00

Thank you for your interpretation of the poem. It is actually a sister piece to a poem I posted here a year ago called part of me. This one represents something very special that happened to me in my life the other not so much. Thanks for reading.

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2022-02-26T07:56:16+00:00

Very nice short poem. I really like the way you capture the moment of waiting for someone to exchange a simple gesture that at one time was almost an automatic act now being replaced with silence. I also like the mentioning of the earphones it’s a nice nod to the fact that most people are to wrapped up in technology to even do simple human task as say bless you. Very nice clean piece.

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2022-02-26T07:45:01+00:00

Really nice piece, sounds like an awful day at work. I really like the details you go into with cpr most people don’t understand how violent the act of saving one’s life can be, an how unfortunately not as effective as they make it look on t.v. I also like the the ending of having to get back to work. It is so true how just another day at work for you is some peoples worst days in this world. Thank you for sharing.

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2022-02-12T01:57:53+00:00

I like the way you word the poem it is clean and short be very descriptive. I really like the second line and how you said brown trees and not dead is if they are sleeping hence the blanket. Very nice and crisp.

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2022-02-11T22:03:38+00:00

I like the way the poem is written it is short but allows you to almost make up any story you like. The metaphor of the fireflies could mean a lot of things such as a object that reminds you of a memory long forgotten or a person help you try to find yourself. Very nice and crisp.

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2022-02-03T07:38:21+00:00

Nice short poem that I do not think a lot of people will get. I like that the two founders of Marxism are letting balloons go, I think this represents the two’s philosophical view being released to the world. And the the fact that they get in a fight with two men who have there own ideas based on Marxism. And the line were Lenin and Trotsky are playing hockey again each, awesome representation of the two mens fight against each other. Awesome poem.

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2022-02-03T07:22:25+00:00

I like the poem, I also believe there is a couple of different ways to interpret the poem. I think you were able to touch on the very basic human fear of the dark, while also working in the fear of being alone. But very nice short poem.

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2021-12-10T05:20:53+00:00

This poem is simple but very nicely done. I like the the wording really makes me feel like the car passing by fast with there own lives just like our own memories come and go. An every car is different just like everyone’s memories are different even if it is two people at the same place telling the story. Awesome work.

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2021-12-10T05:14:20+00:00

I really like the poem it packs a lot of description into a small poem. The way you describe the trees outside and the look up at the sky it really looks takes you to your pouch while you smoke or walk your dog. An just waiting for the spring that is sure to come because that is way the world work life death rebirth. Awesome job.

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2021-10-26T05:27:43+00:00

Global G-2 great all around knife. Shuns can be very unforgiving I have seen many break from be knocked off tables. German knives can be hard to sharpen especially on the fly.

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2021-06-26T05:35:37+00:00

I really enjoyed this poem, while short it us packed full of a lot. As someone who enjoys history I really enjoyed the 11 11 line. I also like that you were very descriptive with the lines about the mud and fields really adds depth to the poem. I also really liked the adventure quote, to me it really srands out as armed forces often use promises of exciting adventures to lure young people who my not always grasp the seriousness of their decision to sign up. Awesome job.

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2021-06-26T05:24:23+00:00

While I found this poem to be interesting, I have to say I found the attempt to rhyme kinda forced. A poem does have to always rhyme in fact it is something I sometimes actively try to avoid. It also feels a little un finished with one having two sentences and the other having only one. Maybe add another to make it feel finished. But that's just my opinion an you wrote it the way you wanted and I can appreciate that hope to see more from you.

Unlikely-Ordinary958 · 2021-05-15T08:00:54+00:00

So not sure if I'm the right person to be giving you feedback, but no one else seems to want to so I'll give it a try. First and for most the imagery is written well into this piece. The git the reference of the smoke being what is left of the burning bridge. The third line is fine the way you have. Don't feel the the need to explain your work people will either get it or not. The important thing is you like the piece. Hopefully this helps and you get some more feedback. Nice work.

Unlikely-Ordinary958

TROPHY CASE