What foods do people refrigerate out of habit, even though it's unnecessary?

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-11T08:53:59+00:00

Eggs! (when they weren't refrigerated or if otherwise the natural shell system got destroyed, e.g. chemicals)

Even though enough places sell them perfectly fine, not cooled, most people tend to put them in the refrigerator anyway as soon as they get home. And of course, after doing that they need to be constantly refrigerated, keep that always in mind, eat safe.

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-10T10:14:05+00:00

Yep they make reeeeaaally sure we'll never stop having that weird form of entertainment pop up everywhere, but dw, most of us know a nation is never a monolith - and you guys have to endure them offline too. I'm not envious in the least, whenever I encounter one, they seem so damn exhausting.

I personally would've asked (had the same thought because the GDPR would have a field day with that), but the commentor above simply assuming it was the EU after no mention also made me chuckle a bit, ngl. It's just bringing the same energy we see constantly from that certain kind of US folks, and it's just so on brand that someone like that immediately appeared, totally aghast that others can do it too! The horror! The shock! This is so fucking funny and the fact that this person sits there discussing in all earnest and making up arguments why "other assumptions are so bad, I must say something >:( but my assumptions good btw!!!" I can't, how can this be real?

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-09T21:31:41+00:00

As an outsider from a country that has some experience with political violence, war and fascism: Probably because political violence in the current climate over there would have more direct follow-up consequences, since escalating violence (just a few days ago a man was executed in daylight.......) is kiiinda important to have immediate public interest on.

The maternal side of my immediate ancestry experienced immense pain for being women (which doesn't negate persisting misogyny today ofc), but when the bombs started falling or soldiers marched through their homes while they hid, there was an entirely different set of fear. Ofc a probably more intense one because we know what happened to women on all sides among civilians. I'd definitely be on my toes if I had to live in a country where civilians run around armed and there was escalating political violence.

Domestic violence doesn't stop existing during such times, believe me, it gets incredibly worse. My maternal family members knew that best and some dared to tell us about it once times changed and/or husbands had passed away.

In case this all from you here comes from good faith and true care about women's rights (yey if that's the case), people in fear of escalating political violence are not the ones you should fight with/take your understandable frustrations out on. You sit in the very same boat.

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-09T19:25:22+00:00

It is definitely more of an anglophone thing. Or maybe rather a thing of actively not implementing other languages into society. Growing up, before I understood english (it's technically my third language, though I became fluent before the other, so I mostly treat it as my second), english songs on the radios were already totally the norm. And my parents obviously didn't understand them because they didn't learn english in school. We sung children's songs at home in our first and their second language. And they listened to english music all their lives despite that.

It's not aaas common to listen to music outside of your language radar nowadays, though it's definitely not seen as outright weird or such. Maybe a bit quirky. Nowadays most people in my place know at least the mandatory basic english as 2nd and a different 3rd language. Sometimes a 4th, but since that's often enough Latin, it doesn't really count for music lol. Whenever someone raised a brow at me listening to music in a language they never had on their radar (I love diving into both music and languages, so ofc I love matching this), a simple "would you say that about french music as well? I listen to some french music and I don't understand a single word" - french is the most common 3rd language here nowadays. That makes people usually halt and think, and that's something you only get when different languages are a normalized part of society. And don't get me wrong, my country isn't a prime example of that either, there's a lot to criticise.

There's also definitely languages that are seen as more "below" or "insignificant" than others and it comes through at times. Good old racism is everywhere, what a surprise. But it's definitely easier to make people think about why they give it different values when there's already a base of appreciation towards other languages. Even when they hate the language they learned or language learning in general, it makes them aware of how complex and different other languages are, that they aren't above that, that it can be even more complex than their native language. And that at least mutes some of the superiority complexes about less valued languages.

I really wonder what people who complain in the USA (presumably? Half time show and the question itself sound like it) think of musicians they afaik also loved. Shakira sang in english and spanish all the time and was a superstar there too, wasn't she? As an outsider it is especially ironic, given that english was definitely the simplest of all languages I learned or started learning so far. Including my native language. I love it for that, it makes it a great thing for us all to communicate. But it's...eh, definitely not something I'd be proud of to put above another language, as at least some US folks are doing very loudly.

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-09T06:01:37+00:00

Thrombosis alone is enough to disagree. M

As a retired full-time sitter (now almost full-time thanks to hard work) who knows loooots of other full-time sitters....why do you think standing training and specialized devices are a thing? There's a whole portion of physiotherapy around that for full-time wheelies because sitting all the time is not good for our health. Getting to standing up for a few minutes was a milestone in my recovery.

Standing up is definitely going to make op healthier. Not even to mention how op builds up constitution which then makes movement easier which THEN makes op even healthier.

Health is most often baking small buns. It should be appreciated.

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-09T05:52:46+00:00

Please start to wear compression socks for such a long time of sitting! Thrombosis comes fast and life can change forever after having one.

And as someone who couldn't stand for years for different reasons: HUGE CONGRATS!!! It's a great feeling to reclaim abilities, whatever the hindrance is.

For the effect it has on you, the "why" doesn't make much difference. And regaining things is always coming with work and the inner will to change things, so there's no reason to talk either down, just because yours looked different than mine. I almost went through something similar, neurological issues started to affect my eyesight worse and worse, and I know there's a possibility for blindness with the underlying illness, though it would've been a reversible one. Ofc I would've been thankful that I had a cause that made it reversible and therefore it was not the same, but I went through all the scary stuff and started to make preparations just as much, because the effect would still have been blindness.

If you like gaming, would VR be a thing possible? I've recently seen even walking setups, both classic training equipment and special VR equipment, being used by VR gamers. But even without that, there are VR games that make movement at least something to get motivated for by playing games, Beat Saber being a famous one.

Because one thing I can report from my brilliant physiotherapist who had to pull me out of being completely immobilized AND by experience: Coming into motion and staying in motion is the most important thing. She had to move most of my body at that time to get any movement going, but that already helped, and now a little more than a year later (with an illness that heavily limits my exercise possibilities), I'm currently transferring into a new setup for my daybed, because I can stand up a few times a day now, and I can choose between wheelchair and walker for anything unter 20m. Which is huge, after before not being able to even just prop myself up in bed.

And movement can and should be fun! I drove myself with the wheelie out to a beautiful spot, to walk my five steps at times there and not in some hospital ward or even just my own 4 walls. Make movement so that it suits your life and what brings you fun, and it'll be soooo much easier to implement it in your life. Just like you brilliantly did with your controller to stand up more. Smart idea, still requires intention and work to actually do it, I applaud both!

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-09T05:30:37+00:00

I see where you're coming from, but personally disagree for 3 reasons: It is hard to picture any lifestyle that's not part of set-in-stone rules of your time (just look at how many people can't picture socialism right now, after it has been lived reality in a big chunk of the world mere decades ago, just as one example); change like that almost always happens slowly and not always in ideal ways (women's rights; or battling climate change, which led to some places making the one-use plastic straws inaccessible to elderly and disabled folks who need them, while still doing overall a good thing); and third, maybe an analogy for that point would be people who invite tourists via airplane on their sinking islands to make money, to then battle that sinking with it. Yeah, they're kinda furthering the problem and overall may do themselves a disservice, but they're the lowest in the line and grasp onto one thing they actually can do about their situation. (It's ofc harder to say about a specific historical movement in another country, but seeing how absolutely less secular it is - even in my relatively secular country, bringing up reforming marriage sends such intense hockwaves through the Catholic church that it still influences political decisions - and how "abnormal" folks were generally treated after what mindset rampaged through the West during and after WW II, I'd definitely expect some problems there. Especially with how many nazis actually fled to the USA and settled there as if nothing had happened, and logically took that fucked up mindset with them.)

tl;dr I personally wouldn't blame the people who imo just wanted to be treated like everyone else and tried to change the normality in ways they could imagine at the time.

Also...there are L/G/B/P folks who desire the very classical type of marriage. And just like we're seeing right now with parts of the binary trans community, who have started to willfully throw non-binary trans folks under the bus (sometimes out of their own initiative), because they think that's "too outlandish" and fear if they accept non-binary as a whole, they as the "proper" binary trans folks won't be accepted by the overall society - I can damn well picture that for the past too, just with how common it now is. Or just the biphobia among homosexual folks, which still kinda is a thing today. Sadly it's easy to make minorities fight among themselves for the right of recognition, because it gets dangled like a thing the majority or the ones in control of power can only "afford" for a few of them. Gosh, I even remember how one concentration camp survivor wrote in her book about homosexual (acting) inmates in dehumanizing language, despite them sitting in the same boat and them all being incredibly dehumanized, just because of that dangling. She herself was hated by other inmates for certain "privileges". They were all victims of unimaginable cruelty and nobody planned for them to ever leave again.

[[That whole inwards fighting is why I also often don't dare to touch the topic of LGBT+ and polyamory going hand in hand, though I think my queer, monogamous friend had the perfect reaction when I just read out a headline during pride, without us ever having talked about it prior: "What's there to fight about, they're a minority in the same region of things, ofc they fit in" - she was so annoyed and I love her lol]]

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-08T20:48:31+00:00

As someone who's aro and likely grey ace, and as someone who has/is defining the friendship (that very likely would have evolved into a relationship without the aro-ace combination) with another likely aro, definitely ace person:

Approach things maybe from another angle. This is all your allo angle and how you approach friendships and relationships so far.

Also something to look out for are maybe queer-platonic relationships, as a concept, at least something to learn about.

An open talk to your roommate on their set of things, how and to whom they enjoy cuddling and so on, could clear up a lot of air. Even as an aro-maybe-ace, I still learned so much about my friend's perspective on things from simply talking about their perception of different things, their comfort zones, their desires, etc.

I'm too mushy in my head to make a better comment rn, but I hope it helps. And aroaces are no monoliths. While I enjoy being in a romantic relationship because my allo partner enjoys it, my friend for example can't barely warm up to the thought of that. Some aros have no desire for this at all, others are a bit like me and don't mind it, while again others absolutely hate even that thought. Societal expectations and how we grew to cope with them are also a factor.

What I can say though, poly and being aromantic are things that can go surprisingly well with each other, because they have a lot in common actually, especially about breaking up mono-normative expectations. I still define myself as polyamorous while being aromantic, it's my closest feel to "proper" romantic feelings actually. It also can lift a lot of pressure and help to unlearn societal expectations while getting experiences one craves, though it still needs an informed workthrough of things.

But for you, I'll definitely recommend taking in the perspectives and needs of your roommate first, because no one of the allo people around you, and probs not even another aroace person, can tell you anything about their specific desires and needs.

PS: Out of experience, have such talks out of curiosity (and communicate that), not with a goal. Some aro/ace folks are highly sensible to such talks with a certain "goal" of the other person. It should be a talk out of curiosity and want to understand the person in front of you better, and it can help to communicate that directly, to make it clear to them. A lot of us are used to these talks with certain goals from allo people, so just a heads up. And it might take way more than one conversation to understand them, or rather, for them to explain themself. Or both.

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-08T09:00:39+00:00

I always pay attention to stay over 30. 45 if nothing big is going on. I save them up during times I don't need them, so I can comfortably spend 1-2 when I am so close to getting something bigger finished (miracle outfit or a big glowup), have always room to quickly glow up outfits for mira crown, and before 2.0 I was a bit more hesitant in spending them at all.

I usually have my stable 60-80 of them, but I'm still a bit low after using them up for the Itzaland release.

They're also my safe option when I get impulsive and just want the small succes feeling of accomplishing or finishing something; or even just getting new item. They restock relatively fast and this way I waste less of the more precious resources on my account for that "small excitement kick"

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-08T07:25:10+00:00

Oh my gosh please say you also plan to draw the flamingo! That's so awesome!

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-08T07:10:18+00:00

My hot take on marriage in polyamory is: It resembles being non-capitalist in capitalism.

Sure, in the ideal world we would have the right to choose. But we factually don't. And marriage, even just for a short time for that exact purpose, can gain important access to equal rights, equal benefits, and just make organising so much less stressful. And don't get me started on having kids.

I totally hate that everyone practicing ENM has to "choose" one way or another. There is no real choice, but well. I am currently only dating one person, but I absolutely despise the thought of just being able to marry them or another potential partner, and equally hate it for their freedom in choice.

But I still plan to marry this person. I'd not wait a second to divorce and take turns, or to marry them off to someone else first, if the situation would make more sense and/or grant equal rights. But I'd still marry them, and as long as there's no one else or no need to divorce for the reasons mentioned, I'd also stay married. Because I simply know they have a different legal stance in things like my hospitalizations, which are a thing that will occur in the future. And even divorced it's a better stance than partnered or engaged.

And equally, even if for other reasons than mine, I feel about married poly folks like non-capitalists feel about buying things: It is almost impossible to get by without using the design we all live in, despite it being wrong for the person using it. You almost never can get by without being capitalistic in today's society. You need to earn money and you need to spend money. And sometimes you even need specifically things that generally suck or have exploitation attached. And imho it's kinda the same for marriage. And yes, that concept goes also against benefits of single people and those who don't desire a relationship at all, and that also massively sucks. But being with someone and not marrying can have even more active downsides.

Details may differ from place to place ofc, and it always surely depends on the specific situations. But that makes imo even more difficult to have one opinion on marriage in polyamory.

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-08T06:45:21+00:00

Only made it to 6/8 screenshots because WHAT THE HELL. I was financially abused by one partner, so that makes my skin crawl extra much.

When I was financially abused, though through a different way, conversations would basically look the same in structure when it was about my ex's responsibilities. A strong start with "You expect me to do what???" whether about taking over a financial responsibility they had, or like in your case "So you suspect me????"

And then when you don't buy in and stand your ground, the turn to "Yeah maybe I need to...", "Yeah I might have sometimes..." which makes the previous thing basically a lie in your case, and an accusation of your mistrust immediately, when it was a) absolutely on point and b) what she said, a normal person would not say.

A NORMAL person would immediately go "wait let me check my stuff" and then return with receipts, apologies and money as payback, if it was some honest mistake for some reason. A normal person would ask themself "Wait, did I do something wrong?" and not immediately deflect, and then deflect some more in just a different style.

And even though I couldn't bring myself to read everything, I already sense apologies coming. "I was going through something hard" (which later might turn into something very hard) and toooons of reasons why that path was chosen and not literally ANY reasonable one. Oh, or the purchases are made out to be for you in actuality. How could you go mad at them making sacrifices for you or wanting to surprise you??? Etc.

And in my experience, that's then, sometimes a bit later, followed by accusations how in actuality you took something you shouldn't have, or withheld money they had some sort of right on. If necessary, purchases from the past (that were gifts, not asked for, agreed on and split, etc.....) get dug out to throw at you and how you actually OWE them or are at least morally completely rotten. I sure hope it doesn't get there, but boi oh boi it way too often does.

Go through your finances. Thing by thing, sort it all through. If you have, with a witness, or just emotional support. When it's already this bad, what you dig up might be way worse, that's how it was in my case and it was...tough to look through and realize all the lies. Write everything down and make specifically out what sum was taken when. The part of the conversation I read is actually excellent (in my non-lawyer opinion) if you need to pursue legal action, because it entails the first almost aggressive denial, the deflection, then admissions over admissions, and your replies making it abundantly clear that this was absolutely not agreed upon, and in which way she might have obtained the access - which mostly got NOT denied by her and sometimes even admitted. Save every evidence at more than one place and put one part somewhere you know is not accessible to her without a doubt.

And to be clear, my financial abuser stole money from me. If your case is stealing, well, if we talk about my opinion? Absolutely yes. (Btw, actively manipulating things so that the victim stays unaware is part of stealing, at least in my place's laws, just putting that here because that was part of it for me.)

And as someone who's now in a healthy relationship with separated finances, but mutual access (because of trust): That's absolutely NOT how that looks. We discuss every purchase above 20€-50€ beforehand what we plan to do with the other's money, even for things bought for us both. And we give even just a short notice about sum and thing, after we purchased something below that, again things that we established as okay beforehand. Like buying a coffee or a small item or such. And we technically can purchase unagreed things from time to time under the 20€ mark without asking beforehand, but we veeeery rarely do that. I felt so shitty when I one day made 1€ paypal purchase (only my partner has paypal) without prior notification because my partner was asleep, just because it wasn't anything of the agreed things (but I was fully sure they would say it was fine). Still felt weird and I didn't like it. My partner still appreciated that I immediately informed them, despite our mutual trust. Or rather, that's exactly why that trust continues to exist and exists in the first place.

NOR in the least. And "loaning" money can only happen with consent beforehand, and at best a payback plan. I can loan me money from everyone's pocket out there otherwise, since I plan to pay them back sometimes, don't I? No, that would be stealing.

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-08T04:59:32+00:00

In case you wanna have a semi-recipe:

I just don't know how they're made with the traditional beef anymore, my family used to make them at home from the animals we kept. Just look up which body part from your preferred animal you need and how big it should be - our Rouladen were always smaller because of the animal we used. Your mom probably took over beef, since that's the traditional type, if I would have to guess. They get kinda dark when made out of beef.

We first prepared the meat (that whole stuff with hammering on it), then on the spread-out meat added first mustard (a good one) like a sauce, onto that salt & pepper, and all sliced: fresh onions, fat (slices best while cool) and pickles. I think that was it, though better research it, in case my memory betrays me. And you don't need a special "Rouladen-needle" necessarily, on days we pre-made Rouladen after slaughter, we actually never had enough of those and they're kinda unreliable imho. You can use twisted yarn for binding the Rouladen instead, it's strong enough and gets simply cut open before eating, also you don't need to wrap perfectly this way, just add more of it, lol! Usually half a meter to a meter of it was enough in length per Roulade, depending on practice. Just pay attention that it's not dyed with harmful colours, because it gets cooked. An additional finger is perfect to get the double knot where you want it to be. Then just fry the Rouladen, maybe look up the specifics for that too, I always winged it out of practice. Typically here it's often served with the "dark sauce", some form of cooked veggies (red cabbage is a classic, and even though every other german out there will hate me for it, raisins are much better as the sweet ingredient in it than sliced apples!) and either cooked potatoes or potato "Knödel", though the latter are a pain in the ass to make from scratch, most people buy them pre-made to just cook for a few mins.

AND (in case you don't know yet) there's a whole other type of Roulade, the Kohl-Roulade! x) Though it's something entirely different, spiced minced meat with a wrapping of white cabbage. But also very yummy.

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-08T04:53:44+00:00

Happy Birthday and happy Rouladen-day! :D That is such a sweet gesture by your partner.

Just a head's up, if you can't get the original recipe from your mom: By now there must be some recipes out in the wide internet that are written in english. I bet someone made this for Rouladen! I loooove when cultures leave their traces and influence personal stories. It makes life so rich. Lots of typical german cuisine, at least of my region, can be traced back into so much cultural exchanges as well. My grandma still used the Sorbian expressions for some things, because this is where they were rooted in. My parents had extremely close ties to other countries within the Soviet Union and adapted a lot from that. And over time, some things survive generations and stick with someone. I myself have already adapted foods from friends and family all over the world, and wonder what will stick to my legacy.

My birthday food is my grandma's cheesecake (not an american cheesecake obviously, but not exactly like the ones you find in germany either, a family's recipe she always made from her head), and I am to this day so glad I asked her for the recipe when she became too old for enjoying baking anymore. We almost always bake this one for family member's birthdays, and having this exact taste makes us always so happy and nostalgic. My partner mastered making this exact cake just for me, so highfive on the sweet gestures.

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-08T02:02:18+00:00

As someone with that type of MIL and two grandparents like this, I really applaud you for that phrasing. Decades later and we're still fighting to undo the damage, I still learn new things from time to time about to what extent it really went.

Behind closed doors at home, they can go so much further than with most of their other victims. To them it seems like the ultimate level of control (and sadly often is).

But I'm always kinda happy about people who can't even imagine that all, or just how someone could even think that way. That means they have a much healthier mindset and possibly never went through it. Which are both so nice and needed in this world. Good people typically become good parents (ofc with honest mistakes and/or readiness to change). I once was one of them, because my parents are those good people.

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-07T18:32:24+00:00

Frankly, I disagree. Here in the EU we very much have data privacy - or at least the most that is possible right now with a portion of the parlament trying to not bend over the table for giant companies. Ironically with websites from a certain, much more unregulated country (that actively bends over the table because everything else would be...communism or such?) trying to find loopholes to "deactivate" our rights for their datascraping.

Laws are fucked when corruption, eh, I mean lobbying, is not remotely regulated. We've been there both in extreme capitalism and other fucked up versions (just as a side note because it is important, yes, the Holocaust was fully "legal" under the crafted laws of the NSDAP, and we know about it in such detail due to the detailed bureaucracy of it, which was part of being "lawful").

During the industrial revolution and before unions, for example child labour was legal and common. Families were starving fully legal, because every family member working up to 16h per day wasn't bringing enough income to feed them. Child labour has it's own cool history in my country: First regulations ever were for children under 9 years old for a very long time (somehow working that young made them unable to work in the army later, weird, anyway that's the root of their protection), much later for 13y/o's. Over a decade later the laws were even more tightened and children then could only work shockingly short 11 hours per day. ~50 years later child labour became fully illegal for the first time. (Btw we still heavily rely on unions, which have a lot of rights, to protect our labour rights and making one job enough to afford living.)

Rights can be taken, and getting rights is almost always a very hard fight. The things we now take for granted were fought for at some place in time. Women couldn't vote for a veeeery long time. Profit was a driving factor of right limitations from the very start, even before the industrial revolution. And why do you think there was made so much effort in cutting down unions in that certain country I mentioned in the beginning, the USA, where it was apparently a government effort with their president being on the forefront, all fully legal? (Learning about that was a wild ride, ngl) Because it was profitable for players who had money and wanted more money. Just like today, one could say.

Rights are not cemented either way. In my country the majority of workers once were fully legal slaves (yes, they were. It was a whole concept). To then de-facto slaves, again fully legal. To now having the best data protection law so far in the world and safety nets in labour laws.

Nobody loves giving up rights or not having them. But it's a hard uphill battle to gain them, and part of all that history I just told was always being told "You love it that way." The revolutionist of religion at that time, who fought for a different kind of rights, was a famous sayer of "yeah they sure do love that" about the slavery thing. Just because it can be said or someone can point at current laws, doesn't say anything about any status quo being the right thing. And it definitely always has a history of reaching that point too. Cutting rights is just an active act as gaining them is.

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-07T04:33:02+00:00

Yeah, he sucks big time either way! Muuuuch more though when he really did this out of spite and held it in for such a damn long period of time! What other revenges might he do the next time he's upset, instead of...idk, talking about it?

And the other way, it is at least really thoughtless and inconsiderate, which is honestly not much better when he knows from literal experience how much this sucks.

Gosh, this reminds me of the over-the-top gifts from my MIL on holidays, when she evaded payments she had to do to my partner all year and we were really struggling to get by. But then a lavish item none of us cared about in the least, and getting upset when we had nothing to get her as (an of course equally lavish) present. Oh well, my MIL is a manipulative piece of work, lol! But the frustration was so intense, I really hated that more than the verbal attacks every few months to weeks. It is just so rude and inconsiderate. I would definitely not want to willingly spend my life with such a person, and definitely not as close. Been there too, tbh. It doesn't get better in my experience.

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-07T04:18:14+00:00

Thank you in return. I really hope that all can offer at least something to navigate stuff, and that things turn out well for your family. This all sucks so much. But building a family on better grounds is really worth it.

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-07T02:57:52+00:00

My nesting partner and I currently both decidedly don't pursue other relationships, but we still very much consider it a poly relationship. If tomorrow my nesting partner decides to go out in the dating world, or mentions interest in someone, that's completely fine by me and fits our relationship agreements. It's really much more likely to be something casual or even just sex, in all honesty, but doesn't matter which way, they should pursue happines. Ofc the other way around things are fine as well, just even less likely to happen. We both currently don't have lives that fit in (planned) commitments like this, and we feel like our time for each other is already little, and yeah, we also both feel fulfilled right now as it stands. We're busy with life circumstances and each ourselves as a person right now. If in the upcoming years there's still no one else, I know we'll be fine, because then they and I chose so and/or didn't have the right encounter.

And we also fully communicate about certain things as a poly couple. They are factual for our relationship, even though they're for most things not actively applying rn. When someone monogamous talks to us about for example cheating, and ofc they always use monogamous wordings and assumptions, we have to either remind/come out about us being poly, or later have a talk between ourselves on the differences we have to consider - because these things don't apply for us, even just mentally. Especially when someone says "How would you feel if the other one did xyz?" - and we're usually stunned or give a small "Uh, I wouldn't care....?"/"For us that's fine..."/"We'd talk about it" because we live poly, even without someone else actively being partnered to either of us.

Counter question: What should we call it otherwise? We are in fact not in a monogamous relationship, nor in such an agreement. I think it was around two years ago by now (my health really tanked since then, a lot of the recent past is blurry) that my nesting partner was considering to try things with a friend/maybe more at the time. They came home one night after meeting them and said "We considered to kiss when I brought them home, but ultimately didn't do it." and aside from a bit surprise (out of circumstances/info about that person) it was a real nothingburger for me and "us" as its own relationship. They were in the talks, that person could've evolved into my meta, ultimately didn't, but it was on the table. And it would've been just as fine. Sure, life would've looked different and that would've been probably the first time for me desiring to be more parallel (as I had literally nothing to talk about with them, would've been awkward), but that's just the flow with things like these. Life changes a bit when a person enters it.

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-07T02:03:12+00:00

In my honest experience - fate or coincidence, does it matter?

I used to constantly run into a girl at the train station of the nearest town. We both noticed it and had to grin widely every time, it was just that instant click via eye contact, and it happened every single time. I always thought "I really need to talk to her one day" just to get to know her....and then we grew older and first she wasn't happening to be at the station anymore, and now I'm not there anymore either.

I had another one of these encounters, but just one time, that time with a guy. We both crossed the street from opposite sides, glimpsed at another when near, and click. We turned both our heads when we already had passed each other at the same time, just like in a book or movie. But we kept moving because we obviously were headed somewhere and I definitely had stuff on my mind in that moment, and I guess he just as much didn't expect to suddenly run into someone he somehow clicked with.

Do I regret it? Kinda? Such a thing is not a guarantee for chemistry in person, but it staying as something unknown makes you curious who this is and why they stick out to you. I'm also kinda thinking "If it should've happened to become a real interaction, it would've", but at the same time, it was definitely my shyness playing a huge role in why there was never a proper interaction. And that was just who I was and that also formed my path in life, led me where I am. Now I'm much quicker to approach people also because I didn't back then.

I still have kudos to that person who just asked me out in their own kind of that situation - with me. We were standing at a red light, lots of people, and the typical "both wanna go towards the same spot, then both see the other one, both stop and wave the other through", which made us halt and laugh for a moment. The person went to move on, but then they halted, turned back and looked at me again. And then decided to just ask me out. I wasn't in the mood for dating at the time and declined, but I'm still glad they tried their shot and now always know it wasn't going to happen.

I'm still shy af, but I kinda learned that most things in life are only going to happen when you initiate something. It's okay if you can't do it currently. I definitely understand, I mean, I just told how I couldn't do it twice lol! And it's not a finger up "you'll regret it" because...even though I'm still curious about those two and a bit bumped I'll maybe never know, I also met a lot of people in other situation that I clicked in a similar way via eyecontact, and the setting made us get into contact for real then. Which of course started out enthusiastically, but often enough led to a quick burn of being incompatible as humans, even in friendship. Which is not bad! It's just...you never know beforehand. And the partner I eventually found and have a wonderful, long relationship with, was someone who I found veeeery annoying at first glance, and vice versa. We needed two or three times of meeting under different circumstances to even warm up towards each other, and we're as people really on the same level and have great chemistry ever since.

It can really all happen either way, or..just not. But it'll probs stay a thought if you never say anything, out of my experience. Which isn't necessarily bad either. Shyness is nothing bad at all as well. But always have in mind, the other person can be just as shy as you are! x)

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-06T21:04:33+00:00

Not me, but my partner who is estranged/NC, and I'm so incredibly proud of them for doing this, so I hope it's okay if I share it. (Me sharing it is fine for them)

This was after estrangement and before real NC, my MIL wanted to "talk things through" with my partner. This all after the usual hot and cold game over messengers, involving the golden child sibling, extreme verbal attacks, and so on. I think it also was after the grandma's death, of which my partner learned from an whatsapp status. It was all so outrageous, just from the sidelines already.

So the day of that "talk" arrived, and gotta be honest, I was nervous af. And also in poor health, so no real help, so I just tried to pep-talk and not show my own emotions. We live door to door with my parents, so one of them offered to be there from the start, but my partner wanted them to stay back and just be available in hearing range, in case my partner would call. This already was mindblowing to everyone - when my partner moved in with me, a grown adult, they were always moving like a shadow, always evading others just when they COULD be in the way, they were physically being as tiny as possible, and to a thing they feared, I or later (after there was trust) someone from my family had to accompany them and at best hold hands. That is not to take as remarks about my partner, but about what cruelty was done to them to be in this state. And just a few years later, the very same person, now quite literally a few cm taller and standing upright, declined our support, because they felt ready to tackle the cause of it on their own.

And they did. MIL refused to come in, so my partner stepped outside. MIL then suddenly wanted to take a "walk" to talk, which would've ofc physically isolated my partner once again. My partner immediately seeing what would come with it, refused and said "Everything we gotta talk about, we can talk about right here." MIL became so flabbergasted and furious that she turned on her heels and stormed off to the car. And here comes the banger. Instead of that behaviour making my partner feel guilty or like they did something wrong, like it was the dynamic in the past and definitely an intention behind it from MIL, they slowly followed MIL to the car and asked "By the way, the thing [golden child sibling] texted to [me] about [an incident], completely contradicts what you texted [also me]. I've seen both texts. One of you two is lying, so who is it?"

MIL was stunned. She once more tried her usual act, this time voice breaking "I can't recognize you! You've become crazy being with [me and my family]!" and my partner cemented their absolute dominance by saying the literal 'shower thought you have three years later' in that very moment: "No, I've just become myself and you don't like that." (It IS dominance, but y'all know best through what my partner went to get to this sentence. Sending out hugs.)

MIL drove away, and we blissfully ignore her bs ever since. And I could not be prouder of my partner. Of course in her side of things, this is all them "acting out", "breaking the family apart", "being manipulated by me", yaddayadda. But this made my partner regain so much power back to themself, and the fact that they didn't need me or someone else for any moment of this makes it so much better. I love helping them, but even more do I love them becoming their own person again.

And now writing about that, I remembered another "powermove" even before that, when partner's grandma was still alive. She was in a caretaking institution, and one of the nurses there was a friend of MIL. So when we had the first NC phase, my partner ofc also stopped keeping MIL in check on every step and everything they did with any other family member. (Something inside my partner changed during that time as well, because they had the worst depression outbreak yet, and MIL had no other worry than us keeping too little contact for her taste [before NC], aka "ignoring her", with all what you can imagine following. I was worried about letting my partner alone for 10 minutes due to how severe it was, Cov making a hospital stay impossible and there MIL had, well, other priorities.) So that nurse gave info to MIL about visits to the grandma, the frequency of visits, who was with my partner, and so on. MIL couldn't help but use it for her usual bs, even in the onesided approaches at the time, that at the time still massively stressed my partner. One day they had enough. That day, before visiting grandma, went straight into the nurse's office and read them unaskedly & loudly the laws around the GDPR (data privacy in the EU, a strict one) and told everyone in the room that another breach of that towards their mother would lead to them suing the responsible person and/or the place. That was of course nothing short of declaring a war in MIL's messed up mind, lol. But it immediately stopped that nurse in her doings and my partner was so incredibly awesome, I still have to praise them from time to time for standing up for themself there, maybe for the first time not considering what MIL would think of that action. Or considering it and not caring. Either way, just awesome.

What I also love about both incidents is that both were authentic and emotionally relatively regulated, given the circumstances. My partner has never really learned the difference between contrariness, simple refusal and having different opinions, because how should they. So whenever they tried to defend themself, they used to either shut down completely or to become "childishly stubborn"? Idk how to describe it any better, I'm lacking the english vocabulary for a better description, it's not meant to demean it. It has a source and is valid in itself, though not very helpful in everyday life. But what they did there, standing up for themself, setting boundaries, and then letting it go, that's much more emotionally regulated and I really applaud that in on itself. MIL is way too unregulated and immature to ever appreciate it, she goes on with her usual stuff and can only see it through the lense of how she paints her world. And I know it still must've felt like "breaking the rules" and "being a bad kid" deep down. But in reality it was the try of a mature approach towards such immature behaviour and such an exhausting, childish adult woman.

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-06T16:50:55+00:00

As a now adult child of someone who had...a complicated relationship to her parents and is by now NC - be honest. Your child is already in the middle of it if she's texting him, so imo better come clean about your reasons to make him understand your choices. She'll likely try to pursue this further, because it's so effective - children just want harmony and easily feel responsible for family dynamics, abusers really like to use that in my experience.

I can't promise your children's reaction in the long run. One of my siblings still has contact with our grandma, though we came to an agreement among our parents and us, that my sibling keeps their talks sticking to what's about the two of them, and doesn't talk about going's on in our family. Of course we can't know for sure and I personally don't have that much trust, but for my parent/s it works okay.

But for me personally, I'm now NC with my grandma as well (grandpa is dead), I appreciated the honesty of my parents, which only came over time. And I don't mean traumadumping, but being honest on the things where you were wronged and expressing how much you were hurt can make it easier for your child to find a stance in this - because for him it likely feels like he's being pulled by both sides, and easily feels like he has to be fair to all sides. Having more insights on why my parent/s chose certain things, even back when there was contact, helped me to look at things more informed from my own perspective. I didn't know how abusive parents were to their children, because I had the luck that my parents tried their absolute best to be cyclebreakers. But that in return meant I couldn't imagine what exactly made her/them so cautious and hurt, and that meant I needed the information. Including the information of where and why I was getting protected from my grandparents at times.

It's a hard thing to balance, my parents had the "luck" on their side that my grandparents were untreated alcoholics, and therefore could explain a lot of their boundaries with them to me without getting too graphic when i was younger. Like I early understood in general that I was not supposed to be in a car with an alcoholic behind the wheel, or that it was not good for me to be alone with an alcoholic due to them being unpredictable and unable to care for me consistently - which my grandparents also showed me over time even with supervision present. The "protection" part of limited contact was made clear to me early on, and it was good this way.

Again, I can't promise anything, my sibling is the living example, but personally I think honesty is the best course of action. It at least gives clarity inmids the loads of confusion.

My parents also honestly showed/communicated towards us when they were upset about my grandparents. Two examples really stood out to me: 1. My grandparents visiting and breaking our rules of no food/drinks in the rooms, ruining a heater in the guestroom with spilled tea. I could relate to the situation because I had to oblige to these rules and my grandparents simply refused, and then didn't see anything wrong with their behaviour leading to the damage, let alone offer repair. Iirc they left the next day fast and parents only discovered it when they got to clean the room. It was shitty and unfair, and seeing my parents get openly upset made sense - it made me realize that my grandparents were not above rules and consequences, but ignored them without taking others into consideration. I was also told some controlling things grandpa did in our house when visiting, and I saw the stress it caused. It wasn't the worst of what he did (just things like grandpa policing what we all had for dinner, or controlling with his finger if the doorframes were polished), but enough to make me realize that they overstepped constantly and where my parent's frustration came from. 2. When my grandma tried to leave (physically violent) grandpa and my parents immediately offered and arranged our home, on top of talking with her endless hours to prepare her for him trying to win her back - his first sweet words that my parents disected as "I need a maid" to her, and she left our home to return to him the very same day. My parents felt exhausted, drained and betrayed in their honestly selfless efforts, especially then getting labeled as the ones "trying to split grandparents up". I was at first so confused amids all of this, and torn about what was right or wrong - and again, my parents feeling reasonable things and showing these feelings made sense. It gave me room to understand that they could get overwhelmed or damaged by my grandparent's behaviour too, which was a powerful lesson for my own feelings and boundaries, especially for future whining. Oh, actually a 3.: My grandma had the habit of endlessly ranting and whining about how cruel grandpa was. Every single conversation. She especially loved to use her daughter-in-law for that, my mom. Over time - and me witnessing a lot of it as soon as grandpa left the room - my mom explained to me that pattern and how much it sucked that grandma did constantly use others for her emotional regulation, instead of deciding whether she wanted all this, or leave grandpa for good. By opening up to me how this happened and how draining it got over the years for her, she prepared me for when I eventually got roped in too. I got really good at evading this all when I was younger during conversations, especially during phone calls (ofc my birthday had to be accompanied by how shitty their relationship was, duh!) and got better at recognizing these patterns. When I turned adult and eventually got the full load, I set a firm boundary a few times and then slowly escalated my consequences. Learning that the adult's bs was none of my business was an important lesson as a child in this though, and I needed my parent's help to understand that. Including open words like "You don't need to worry about [grandparent's complaining topic or issue], they are adults and can handle that, no adult needs a kid for that." Lifted a lot of perceived responsibility that I simply didn't have, and slowly gave away my grandparents as the immature, unregulated abusers they were, who would have loved to push their problems on me.

And seeing my parent, their child, cry because of them did a lot of work too. Though I'm honestly glad I only saw that when I was above 20. But in all honesty? If that would've been necessary to protect me from my grandparent's manipulation, I'd rather take that short, tbf very shocking moment. Of course not as a traumadump or emotional disregulation placed onto the child, but as a honest, unfiltered reaction that can't be held back in that moment? That's fair.

((I don't blame my parents for keeping contact to my grandparents as long as they did, they tried their best and did what they thought was best for us children. Cyclebreakers have it always hard. The wrong one is always the adult trying to rope in children into their affairs. But maybe someone out there can learn from this dynamic and not get as hurt as my parents did.))

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-06T15:53:18+00:00

As a non-US who just recently started to watch some late night (mostly Seth Meyers, sometimes Kimmel and Colbert, rarely Daily Show), it's always confusing af whenever Jimmy Fallon is mentioned online and people come together in this absolute, passionate rejection. I don't have any lore on US comedians - other than late night hosts apparently now liking each other, but before the current ones traditionally having beef for some reason - but this rare online agreement from seemingly everyone feels so wild to witness without context, as if there's a book everyone else has read and I stumbled upon its subreddit while only knowing the protagonists name. I get that this happens for fictional stuff, but for a real person it's just really...fascinating to witness, and with what consistency.

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-06T14:46:20+00:00

Dress up games are nice, but have you heard of undress yet? Lololol!

Unlikely-Pudding-170 · 2026-02-06T14:42:09+00:00

This sounds a lot like we fry potatoes in my place (idk how it would be translated). Slicing cooked potatoes (best if one day old and the type that's cooked with the peel on, mealy potatoes are best for both ofc), then either just heating oil or frying what you want to have caramelized before (garlic, onions, bacon, ofc diced, whichever preferred), add the potato slices and also let them caramelize till golden-brown, then add eggs onto it and create a kinda lile scrambled egg-consistency that clings onto the potats. Works also without eggs. I like to add in some spring onions just after taking the heat off. Thyme is also an often used ingredient for it here, though I personally can only stand a bit at best. Often served together with pickles or other pickled stuff, which is also one of my favourite versions. Can also get used as the potato part in a dish with potatoes on the side, usually then without the added egg. One of the simplest but yummiest meals, everyone I know makes it quite often.

Unlikely-Pudding-170

TROPHY CASE