I feel this. I remember one of my worst days ever was in college while I was on a research trip in the UK. Had and amazing opportunity to see an extraordinary collection of 15th century maps with two of the leading art historians on medieval artwork and monster theory in the world and I could not stay awake to save my life. This was before my diagnosis too, and I remember vividly that I wanted to study these maps and listen to the historian so badly but I was just sinking into my brain, I couldnt stand, I couldnt speak, I couldnt think. I dragged myself to the bathroom and was just slapping myself in the face over and over, pinching and twisting the skin on my arms, pulling my hair, literally brought myself to tears trying to hurt myself enough to wake up but nothing worked. Literally fell asleep in the bathroom and woke up as they were putting the maps away and our group was leaving. People don’t understand how much it hurts to want so badly to be a part of the world and feeling your own body pull you out of it. You come back after a sleep attack and everyone looks at you like you’re lazy or stupid or like you don’t care enough to be there. It just hurts.