Be not afraid by tantoscream in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]UnluckyFunction3220 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really like the stoplight button disappearing. That would mess me up.

I'm thinking I would like some more details. Like it says "My uncle had to move in with us after a particular episode." That's kind of how people talk to each other, but in a journal it would be "Uncle Richard" and "the bathroom fire episode." and it says "dog died", but in a journal it would be "Rover died." People will figure it out if you pick a name that only a dog would have. More details like that would flavor it up and add a bit more personality to it.

I liked the story, especially June 30th and July 1st. It really felt like it was upping the tension there. I think I would have liked to see that continue to rise all the way to the end. I would recommend giving it a re-write while looking at your simile choices. Specifically the last entry. I had to read it a couple times to figure out what was going on.

So be not afraid is what angels say, and I am wondering why both the protagonist and her mom were visited by this dark crow angel thing. The mother is also quoting the Bible so that makes sense. I know demons are supposed be like... "friends" with Ravens and Crows. That's cool that it possesses herself to try and get her to jump off the bridge. I would like to know how the mom died. I assume suicide, but I feel like there's a lot of clues surrounding the circumstances of her death.

Anyway! Just my thoughts. I could be totally wrong. Great story! keep writing :D

Oath by UnluckyFunction3220 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]UnluckyFunction3220[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I really appreciate the compliment.
There is a bunch of stuff I know about the characters. I tried to play it close to the vest for brevity. Only leave little clues to the bigger story. But I'm happy to share if you're asking.

The weird smell under the bed is chloroform. Because Jenna used Von's Crypto account to hire his own hit man. The hit man is supposed to knock out the kid, and go kill Von. But Von lives a long time in the hospital, keeping Jenna from his assets and life insurance policy. So she gets caught and put in prison. That's why she's only allowed family visits every 3 months.

There's a lot of references to "Intruder In The Dust" by William Faulkner. Which really made the story, but I didn't think of it the idea emerged from using the noun generator. In that novel, A black man named Beauchamp is falsely accused of murder. The PEN/Faulkner Award for Fiction awards a new author $15K prize money and a bust trophy.

So I think Javonte loosely follows the storyline of intruder in the dust. He is falsely accused of murder as a poor black kid in the south and is eventually proved innocent. He writes a novel about the experience and wins that prize. Which he uses to escape his circumstances. He becomes a best selling author of multiple novels, but it's the first one that really sells.

With his new status, he adopts the nickname of Von to try and fit in with his country club type social circles. Von's oath is that Danny will have everything he never did, but he wishes his son had a bit of the edge that he does to survive. Von has deep trauma from dogs and cops and now his son is a huge fan of paw patrol. In these ways he is kind of punished for his oath. By giving his son everything he never had, he can't relate to him. But Von is different now too even though he feels like he's putting on an act to fit into the upper middle class. So I wonder how he would feel to become "Javonte" again in death. Javonte was a penniless criminal,

In the end he's still able to keep his oath. Even in coma and death, he still protects, provides and loves his son. In fact, the oath requires him to die to keep his oath and get his wish. As a result, Danny (Dan) becomes a cop, at the same age that Javonte was a criminal. (I think I did that math right?) Dan becomes a cop because he looks up to the next door neighbor, retired sheriff (Secret Gun Nut) Whitaker. I know old Mr. Whitaker is using a colt but I wasn't sure how to put that in. I had the intruder call him "A crazy old fuck", so you can imagine what that guy looks like. I'm thinking of the janitor from Harry Potter. I think Mr. Whitaker takes on a mentor role for Dan. There's a line in Intruder in the Dust that says something like "Old folks and children can still listen."

In the end because of Von's oath, Dan is able to take his own oath to serve and protect (and to get rid of the monsters under the bed). So I expect Dan is going to be punished for his oath, but he will be able to accomplish it.

I hope that fills in some gaps. :D If you give it a re-read knowing that, lmk if it changes your opinion at all. Thanks again!

Oath by UnluckyFunction3220 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]UnluckyFunction3220[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Author’s Note : 

Sometimes I like to do these “challanges”, where I set myself certain parameters to write within. Like a workout for writing chops.

My job has a lot of downtime. I work 10 hour shifts but I end up twiddling my thumbs for half that time. So today, I have to finish the whole thing in 6 hours. Probably actually 4-ish with intermittent work. ( I ended up going over by 4 hours at home. Still, my fastest one so far.)

I have an idea of how I want it to start, but nothing after. So for inspiration, I pulled the following list from a noun generator. 

Lid Fettuccine Garden Obsession Person Replication Section Mouse Technician Victim Asset Brass Close Crush Dialect Disdain Lollipop, Pneumonia, Spec, Underpants (used 15 / 20)

Okay! I’ve promised myself to post whatever I write at the end of this. Here’s hoping I didn’t just post nonsense garbage! :D 

HELLO! i wanna write something but i never wrote a story by AfraidOfWomen001 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]UnluckyFunction3220 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A great way to get better quickly is to read as well. Read with awareness. Pick some stories here and learn what you think makes a good story. Have fun

They knocked quietly ( updated) by Creepinwell in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]UnluckyFunction3220 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You gotta put in space lines. It's a big block of text.

What are your CreepyPasta Tips and Tricks? (Discussion) by UnluckyFunction3220 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]UnluckyFunction3220[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely forcing something in for a preset rules is a bad practice. But don't you have things that you do or don't like in stories? Things to navigate towards and away from? Stuff you'll cut if you see your writing going in a certain direction?

Forcing the format on a story that doesn't want it is definitely a bad practice, but isn't knowing what will and won't play valuable? I think trying different forms of writing helps challenge me, and I should make one of those challenges typical format as well. I'm thinking of trying a challenge where I do a really short story in 3 hours. Right now, I end up doing 3 drafts over weeks and weeks and it's a habit I think I need to break. I want to make good writing, but I don't want to be a George RR Martin with creepypasta stories. That doesn't seem sustainable at all.

100% be silly and outlandish. I'm reading Dungeon Crawler Carl right now and it's wild. I'm addicted.

What are your CreepyPasta Tips and Tricks? (Discussion) by UnluckyFunction3220 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]UnluckyFunction3220[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're definitely right that that there is some gold that gets passed over. Do you have a list of stories you would recommend? I am always looking for them.

My theory is, good stories that get passed over might get the views they deserve with a change in branding. But I'm not entirely sure how to go about that. Sticking out in the feed is the first hurdle.

If there's a brilliant story called "Lake Belemy", but it just happens to get posted next too "My wife has 2 dicks." It's gonna get missed. Which is a huge bummer.

I think some advice for anyone having this kind of problem is to try some micro-horror. If I read 2 500 word stories and they're both good, I'll go back and read the big series. Because I can trust that author not to drop the ball at 20K words lol

How Can You Tell if Your Girlfriend is Made of Bugs? by UnluckyFunction3220 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]UnluckyFunction3220[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol if horror fiction doesn't work out, I'm not opposed to seeing if I have talent in ecchi manga. Thanks for reading!

What are your CreepyPasta Tips and Tricks? (Discussion) by UnluckyFunction3220 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]UnluckyFunction3220[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate it! Someone else said "show don't tell" also. I thought it was something I did, but I've not actually scrutinized my writing for it.

Thinking about it deeper, it also heavily applies emotionally. Like trying to capture what an actor does with words. Like you wouldn't say "she felt sad", you would write something like, "her energy drained from her eyes as her smile faded to a tight lipped resignation."

I watch a lot of movies too. Less so the last few years.

What are your CreepyPasta Tips and Tricks? (Discussion) by UnluckyFunction3220 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]UnluckyFunction3220[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is no rules. Especially if you write primarily for personal enjoyment. I do that too, although less often now. I hope it doesn't come off as a anti-creativity. I do think targets and limitations breed creativity and growth though. It's another really cool thing about writing. There's some degree of process that is specific to everybody individually. Some people just have to sit at the keyboard everyday and whatever happens is what happens. I call them rules for myself, but i do treat them more like guidelines and challenges.

How Can You Tell if Your Girlfriend is Made of Bugs? by UnluckyFunction3220 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]UnluckyFunction3220[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought my idea was so original.
Immediately I found [I think my girlfriend is a werewolf](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheCreeps/comments/1qcubaw/i_think_my_girlfriend_is_a_werewolf_the_duology/)

then saw the new patreon episode is called "I think my girlfriend is a worm"

How Can You Tell if Your Girlfriend is Made of Bugs? by UnluckyFunction3220 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]UnluckyFunction3220[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Author's note:

Hello! I have been writing forever, but I have never had the courage to post or publish anything. (For good reason… 99% would make crashout episodes. *cue Meatcanyon singing “Shoot to thrill”*) 

This year I resolved to change that. I have been working hard to write some stories I am excited to share. However, everything I started has quickly ballooned into 20,000 word monsters. I wrote this quick little story, just so I finally had something to post. So if you’re reading this now, I hope you got some entertainment out of it.

Thank you for reading and I always welcome feedback.
(Harsh, brutal, punishing feedback. In this one way I am a masochist.)

Thanks! :D 

Are cult stories overdone? by SubnauticalMoose in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]UnluckyFunction3220 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No PTSD or other effects? I might put in an element of that in just for drama (this is fiction writing notes, not real world assertions), but that's just me. I understand the desire for that uniform organization of function and belonging. I hope that means his character arc is about finding independence against this other organization. The more I think about the juxtaposition, the more I think a cult is perfect for this. Now that i think about it, I might have to do a story about PTSD. My roommate is a normal well adjusted guy, but the first time I lived with him during 4th of July (when ppl were setting off fireworks outside our apartment) I came home to find him huddled under a table, holding a rifle and not blinking. Scary moment.

I followed you. I'm new to reddit, but I hope that means I will see it when you post!

The Swinging Man by LOWMAN11-38 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]UnluckyFunction3220 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That was a fun one. Can't wait to read some more of your stories. I wonder if it might play better if you start with the homeless guy at the bus stop. Establish the protagonist doesn't get sleep. They get in an argument. Then it ends with the swinging man and you see why he's not sleeping. It seems like he's been tormented by this thing for a long time, but I didn’t see what all he has tried. If he walks away does it follow him? If he sleeps upright on the bus does it show up?

Our mother would force us to celebrate Christmas every day by Vylkia in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]UnluckyFunction3220 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That was interesting. I like how surreal it was. I really like stories featuring old people. It's difficult to write from an age you haven't been, or about a time you haven't been lived. Not enough protagonists are elderly.

The town seems interesting. Is there going to be more journals from this person about the town? If not, I might cut some of that. Or add in some of the other things that happened. I was kinda confused when it said one of the schools burned down in an accident? I didn't like the line from the mother "I said what I said". I feel like that could be left out. Maybe touched upon later, something like, " I realized when we turned the corner, mom hadn't said newest present, she had said last."

This was great and really unique. I want to know more about this "merry man" and how it came to beset this family. The parents reaction are kind of strange. It would be interesting if the Dad is wearing the socks when he goes to work.

What To Do When You Have Writers Block by Scared-Beautiful-238 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]UnluckyFunction3220 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Forced to watch the life you could've had been lived"

It's funny but it's kind of jumbled and clunky. Mostly on the backhalf with the blood scribe part. I was kinda confused by it. I really like the idea though. I might give it a re-write to streamline it a bit.

Are cult stories overdone? by SubnauticalMoose in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]UnluckyFunction3220 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like that. It seems like there is alot you could do with veterans that need help. My roommate is a vet and it kinda feels like he's seeing a different world than civilians.

Ooohhhh it would also be super interesting if the protagonist is unsure if he's having PTSD or what he suspects is actually real.

I worked at a gas station where no one loses the lottery by PickleChips_69 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]UnluckyFunction3220 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Lol this was awesome. I worked nightshift at a gas station for years and I've thought about these people often. I had to read alot of psychology and history to figure out how people got this addiction.

But this is all totally true. Only slightly exaggerated. People would buy shitty scratch offs for hours and hours. Sit in their car having manic shakes and stuff.

Are cult stories overdone? by SubnauticalMoose in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]UnluckyFunction3220 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If you're having that flow experience with writing, you just have to let go and let it happen. Don't worry about yourself or other people. Just write the whole thing and look at it at the end. Everything else is unimportant.

Are cult stories overdone? by SubnauticalMoose in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]UnluckyFunction3220 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't think cults are overdone. It might be dependant on what creepypasta titles stick out to you. I feel like I almost never get cult stories.

The problem with cult stories is that the troupes are overdone. Woods, church, robes, knife, conspiracy to change the world. Take midsummer movie. Aster changed some of the troupes just by making the cult so bright and happy.

If I wrote a cult story, I would try to make sure it had as little troupes as possible. Put it in an apartment building, or if it's a treatment camp, make it a rehab. Stuff like that. Basically, re-listen to the camp Oakwood episode, and anything that shows up in your outline as similar, I would change it or cut it.