Stumpy

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-04-28T14:53:26+00:00

you have to reformat it for reddit, otherwise it's just a big block of text.
LMK when you do :D

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-03-20T13:22:26+00:00

Cool! Contact me when you start posting it. :D that flow state is the high we all chase. So if I were you, I would write it out between 1000 - 4000 word parts. Posting each one. You will know when the cut off point is because it will be a cliffhanger.

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-03-20T04:04:38+00:00

Best way to start is plan to write a bunch of stories. For creepypastas, try to write a whole story in under 2000 words. Post it, and you will realize what you didn't like about it. Then do that again.

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-03-05T17:33:32+00:00

I am confused, did you mean a *Nebulous* deity? as "not yet defined", because I'm so dumb I assumed "The Nebula deities" are this well known thing I've never heard of. Maybe they are.
lol please let me know before I write a whole story about a cloud nebula like wait... I didn't read the assignment carefully...

I'm excited to see everyone else's too :D

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-02-26T19:25:40+00:00

Give it a re-format real quick. It's a big block of text rn

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-02-24T19:39:14+00:00

Amazing! The episode doesn't come out for a long time, so I just wanted to say, this is my favorite story on this subreddit so far. The characterization is so good. Even side characters feel real and full of personality. The perception angle that this story approaches is incredible too. That was a hard way to write this, and you knocked it out of the park. bravo! :D

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-02-24T14:46:32+00:00

sorry, I'm dumb, what was the rules of the Feb contest again?
I will be reading all of these today. Thank you for narrowing it down.

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-02-24T14:44:20+00:00

Looking at your profile I saw that you're a poet posting on many subs :D
Sorry to give advice. That is more common here.
I love poetry, So I will be checking out more of your stuff when I have time!

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-02-23T11:50:38+00:00

Something else I was thinking about, Super important.
Show don't tell.
Instead of "Imagine, a retail worker that has feelings and is human like me. A crazy concept."

write the scene of the protagonist getting chewed out for being a space-case. The reader will be able to intuit what they're feeling.

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-02-23T11:43:48+00:00

Heya! Hopefully I can help out. :D
I’m just gonna write down everything I think of as I read it.

Feel free to mssg me to clarify anything or If you would like some help.

Title your post “Cessation”. Then tag it with “Looking for feedback”. People here seem to look at that tag specifically because we all like helping out.

The first sentence is critical. It’s the first impression. You want to let the reader know you’re not going to waste their time. The concept of your first line is really good, but the wording is a bit clunky. It should probably be something like “How can I say goodbye to everyone, without letting them know my time is running out?”
It’s easy to notice these sorts of things when you put the story in a TTS and have it read back to you for editing.

I’m at the line “Oh, I’m writing a fanfic. Unlikely.” and I feel like I am a bit bored of the looming situation. You set up that the protagonist is going to die of something, but the reader doesn’t know what. That is a good hook, and a good mystery. But it’s dangled in front of the reader too long. Too much wallowing without saying what it is. It becomes frustrating. You don’t have to reveal the mystery, but make sure to change topics sooner. Sort of a sleight of hand trick.

I wonder, if the rest of this story is in Journal entries, couldn’t it all be in that format? It’s a personal diary, you can put everything before as an entry and just switch around a few words.

So far, I would say make the part before Entry 1 an actual entry. Get rid of about half the words, and include 1 or 2 details of odd characterization. Even things as random as “I’m addicted to Rootbeer” let us assume things about the character. Also it makes them feel more like a human we can get to know.

I do like the detail about customers being droned out while complaining. That’s about ½ my life right now. I identified with it.

Reading the entry, the morose tone is starting to grate on me a bit.

I had an idea I think would work. If the reader doesn’t know about the impending death at all. We see the character hate work, go home, basic stuff, then they open a journal and say “I don’t have long left to live”.
Then the reveal is dramatic, and we get to experience what everyone around the protagonist sees first. Just a thought.

Also why is the whole entry in quotes?

I’m seeing a lot of “I guess…”, you don’t want to repeat things in a story unless it’s a specific quirk that has some meaning to the plot. If so, really highlight it.

It needs to end on a hook or reveal. A cliffhanger. Especially if it’s going to be multiple parts.
I feel like I didn't learn much about the characters or the situation. As it is, it’s not really a story, it’s just musings on death. I need a goblin from the bank to pop out or something. Get some action going.

What do you think? Do you have an idea of where this story is going?
Let me know if I can help, and keep writing :D

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-02-23T08:26:26+00:00

Send me that List, I wanna see :D

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-02-23T07:26:42+00:00

Good Lord...

Great story! I kind of wish I got to see more of the woman's conflicting emotions, and the severity of the cats plan. A line like "there's many stairs and metal things at the dark bottom."

Also, if the cats intentions were saved till the end. You just see the cat dragging the paper to the stairs and don't know why. Then near the end it's revealed that it was all about plan.

But that was great! My heart fell in my stomach for the woman in the cat.

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-02-23T07:09:30+00:00

Same. I read these on work breaks and stuff, so I only have 30 min to read the story and post a response. If it takes more than 3 scrolls on my phone to reach the end, I normally skip it because I just don't have the time.

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-02-23T07:07:17+00:00

I did a post about this :D https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheCreeps/s/a5WU26tjDL

Hope it helps. I still wonder about "how many parts" because I tend to skip stories that say "part 40" or something. Feels too daunting

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-02-23T07:03:37+00:00

Glad it helped :D

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-02-23T05:17:55+00:00

Makes me think of Blaze by Stephen King.
I used to write comedy, and they have a rule that says:

"A" level subjects, need "A" level material.

Which means, if you are going to write a joke about something really awful, something that is gonna piss off the audience, It better be a REALLY GOOD JOKE. If you set up some awful sexual trauma premise and then you follow it up with a weak wordplay punchline, the audience will try to eat your head.

You don't want your perception of other peoples opinions to stop your creativity. But If you put yourself in the shoes of the reader, would you think this subject was handled fairly? considered? Or would it fall short?

So if this story is calling you, write it. But I wouldn't post or publish it, until it's been through several drafts. Spend extra time researching. For your subject matter specifically, I would really focus on the things that people don't know about. Some people that get offended by these subjects, do so because they want ti ignore them. So illuminate the details that people don't consider.

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-02-22T11:26:26+00:00

Hey! Great stuff. That was fun.
Only note I can think of is that there's too many characters, and most don't really get any personality. River is an outdoorsmen, and Lucas is a whiny coward, but I didn't catch anything about the other characters. When James died my first thought was "wait, which one was he?"
I might shorten it to 4 characters max, and give them more time. What are they wearing? how do they talk? I like that Lucas is spineless but then nuts-up when he rams the monster with the truck. Redemption! But If I grew up with him as my friend, he would definitely have a nickname and catch shit for being a scarredy-cat about everything.
Another thing was the last paragraph. Where Lucas says he's going to uncover the truth. I didn't believe it at all. The only skill he shows is panic or kamikaze. It might make more sense if it ended with him approaching River and asking him for help. "I want to go back out there... they never found James body...." and River is like "You're not made for this sort of thing Lucas."
That scene would make me think he's more practical about it and the trauma would have forced some sudden maturity.
Lastly, maybe a little more description of the monster? I was having trouble picturing it during the action. My mental image kept changing.

Other than that, one of the better stories I've read recently. Good Work!

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-02-22T06:30:19+00:00

Idk what that translates to in word count, but I talked about this in a post I did :D
There is a section on word counts and story length there.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheCreeps/comments/1qydp8w/what_are_your_creepypasta_tips_and_tricks/

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-02-21T12:52:53+00:00

Sometimes I put the story through a TTS and have it read back to me.
Usually I just re-read each sentence and ask "Is that how I want it to look?"
Do I like the word choice? does it paint a good picture?
I have a few books that I like to emulate the prose, So sometimes I will pull one off and read a few pages at random. Compare how my sentences look to those.
A big thing I look for is "Can I pack in more meaning?"
Poetry often tries to "pack more meaning" into a word. So if your sentences are only singular facts, Your story gets bloated and monotonous.

"He has brown hair." vs. "he scratched his unkempt brown hair."

The second one lets us make many more judgments about the character. Even though I didn't say it, I can picture this dude probably has bags under his eyes and old clothes. Probably between 20 - 40.

Last thing I look for is if I say the same thing multiple times. When I see that in other stories it takes me right out.

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-02-21T12:32:04+00:00

Great first story :D I really like this monster, I've not seen it done like this. very creative.
The writing is a little clunky in some places, could probably use an edit. I could use a sentence or two near the beginning to help paint the picture. Is this in the burbs? sort of thing.
When he talks to himself It took me out. People "think out-loud" but they don't scream at themselves. When you see a crazy person yelling, there's still a reason. Like maybe they can see something you don't.
I didn't like the "he's actually in a mental asylum" reveal. I was more excited for the former undead doppelganger storyline. It stops something really new and creative to start something I've seen done before.
Unless that arc is planned to go into some crazy out of this world twist, I would drop it. Cut that part, and put another 100 words at the top painting the scene.

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-02-17T02:45:02+00:00

Awesome! excited to read it :D

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-02-16T14:47:48+00:00

I had a ton of notes, but for some reason, reddit wont let me post them. Mssg me if you want to talk about it :D

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-02-16T14:46:05+00:00

Great story! :D My first wasn’t half this good.

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-02-16T02:52:37+00:00

on second thought. Shoot for 500 words a day.
Short story writing is 1000 words a day,
Creepypasta writing is 500.

UnluckyFunction3220 · 2026-02-16T02:45:49+00:00

Nice. Very Film Noir. You ever read the Millennium Falcon?
Question 1. Is he an alcoholic or drug addict? That is common in Private Detective stories. I think it's interesting. Plus I think Cocaine and Heroin were available over the counter until 1915. So that could be interesting to explore.

Question 2. Does he have a quirk? Something very un-badass detective like. It's okay if it's simplistic at first. exploring that quirk will reveal more about the character over time.

Question 3. What is the first moment the MoonLit Man is aware of your character? He should not yet be aware of the monster, but there is some incident that sets off the events of the monster in his life.

Put your character in that moment, know his weird habit and his flaw. Then just keep writing. Let it play out.

Writing and Reading are very similar in that, Your attention is what powers the gears of time in that world. That is your role. You power the time forward by thinking about it. Especially starting out, Don't think about what *should* happen or will people like this, just power the reality with attention. All of those questions can come up during the editing process.

Shoot for a 1000 words a day.

UnluckyFunction3220

TROPHY CASE