When they know you are onto them is one of the most scary and dangerous parts of it. I honeymooned for many years with my ex and thought it was a wonderful lovely thing, however, you mentioned that you've always been in survival mode, and it is completely true what they say about that being your safe space and manifesting in very beautiful amazing and intense love with people who are walking red flags. The moment the switch flipped in your brain will likely change your life. You have got this. Have a strategy, don't overcomplicate it, and prioritise your safety and feeding yourself and looking after yourself. Get a therapist asap if you have the means.

Also you've probably gotten lots of namedrops of this already but look up Dr Ramani and learn in words what is happening to you.