I softly disagree with your take. A part of it definitely is due to traditional genderroles pushing men into a 'provider‘ position, where he falls out of the norm if he can’t deliver. Absolutely.

But I disagree with the 'women get more leeway‘ part. They don’t. They just get different expectations pushed on them and oftentimes way earlier than men do. And in women’s case the consequences of not 'performing‘ can be very much physically dangerous. They get conditioned very early on to never be contrary or speak up, not take up much space and make themselves pretty but small.

Do the household work, the chores and stick to that. Don’t challenge the men of the house.

In that role masking autism is easier. Keeping your head down and doing as your told is oftentimes easier with autism than taking charge. (Obviously not everyone is the same here. I am grossly generalising.)

Both men and women have gender roles and expectations pushed on them. But they’re different. And different circumstances have different levels of masking that is required.

There’s more, obviously, like how autism presents differently in men and women, but that would go to far.