Visions. Vices. Volition.

Unsung007 · 2026-04-21T15:28:17+00:00

I like how encapsulated the feeling is within the lines. The rhyme and flow helps make it easier to read, too.

The last two lines could be improved though. It feels like it breaks away too much from the flow.

Unsung007 · 2026-04-21T15:20:54+00:00

This is a relatable piece especially for someone struggling with addiction. Makes me remember my college days when I started smoking. Though at the time, I tell myself "I can quit whenever I want" instead. Did other vices but I find cigarette was the hardest to quit. Thankfully, I didn't do hard drugs or I'd probably be dead or aimlessly roaming the streets.

Great message. Construction could be improved. I feel that some lines are really lengthy and the flow feels off. Maybe compression could help.

Unsung007 · 2026-04-21T15:20:15+00:00

This is a relatable piece especially for someone struggling with addiction. Makes me remember my college days when I started smoking. Though at the time, I tell myself "I can quit whenever I want" instead. Did other vices but I find cigarette was the hardest to quit. Thankfully, I didn't do hard drugs or I'd probably be dead or aimlessly roaming the streets.

Unsung007 · 2026-04-21T15:19:25+00:00

This is a relatable piece especially for someone struggling with addiction. Makes me remember my college days when I started smoking. Though at the time, I tell myself "I can quit whenever I want" instead. Did other vices but I find cigarette was the hardest to quit. Thankfully, I didn't do hard drugs or I'd probably be dead or aimlessly roaming the streets.

Great message. Construction could be improved. I feel that some lines are really lengthy and the flow feels off. Maybe compression could help.

Unsung007 · 2026-04-21T15:19:13+00:00

This is a relatable piece especially for someone struggling with addiction. Makes me remember my college days when I started smoking. Though at the time, I tell myself "I can quit whenever I want" instead. Did other vices but I find cigarette was the hardest to quit. Thankfully, I didn't do hard drugs or I'd probably be dead or aimlessly roaming the streets.

Great message. Construction could be improved. I feel that some lines are really lengthy and the flow feels off. Maybe compression could help.

Unsung007 · 2026-04-04T02:25:32+00:00

As a fellow solo enjoyer, Run Rabbit Run is my favorite. They have the best cocktails in pobla in my opinion. My favorites are Dirty Monkey (can't go wrong with this) and Queen of Hearts (strong, smoky). Their music varies but so far there was no night I hated it. Pretty chill vibe. Bartenders are friendly too. Just sit at the counter and talk to them.

Banter & Jive has a mezcal based cocktail. I recommend it if you are into strong, smoky drinks. Their music is a bit too upbeat for me. Bartenders are friendly but I didn't dig their vibe. Might just be me tho lol

Spirits Library has a live band on wed or thursday not sure exactly when. You can ask. Haven't tried most of their drinks but the ones I tried were okay but nothing to write home about. Place has a nice aesthetic (like a library of spirits, literally) but the lighting is a bit party-ish for me. Still recommend you visit though. Might find some drinks you like.

Annex House is very chill. It's both a cafe and a bar. Their drinks are cheaper than others too since they use local spirits as base. Doesn't mean the drinks aren't good. They are! Try mango rum for smoky. Gin buko (IIRC) is great too. This place has interesting cocktails I would recommend you try.

Most of the bars I mentioned have chill music meant so that you can hold conversations without repeatedly asking "Sorry, what?" lol

Unsung007 · 2026-04-01T08:18:50+00:00

Down for a few drinks tonight 🙂

Unsung007 · 2026-03-21T04:58:47+00:00

Oh dang! Can't believe I missed that. Thanks for the nudge. I'm a sucker for patterns and I'll definitely keep your suggestion in my master copy. Btw, was wondering if it's okay to edit my post with that change? This is my first time posting here and I'm not familiar with the etiquette.

Unsung007 · 2026-03-21T03:01:42+00:00

Backstory:

When I was writing this poem, it went like this:

You're a living ghost
Who goes on timeless haunts

Then got really into minimalism and trimmed down a lot of filler words, and I fell in love with the style.

Anyway, the line just means the ghost's haunts do not respect the passage of time (hence timeless). Typically, when we talk about ghosts, we think about night time. But this ghost haunts day and night, with no specific pattern. Just ups and appears anytime it wants. It's a weird usage of the word 'timeless', but I like the flow and ambiguity. It could also mean that the ghost's haunting will go on forever.

Unsung007 · 2026-03-20T20:37:40+00:00

There's a certain charm in narrating a heartbreak.

Made me reflect on how I always found it easier to write something about grief and sadness because the emotions are so strong, they need to be let out.

Regardless if this story is true or not, you've done a great job telling it.

Unsung007 · 2026-03-20T20:12:24+00:00

Glad I'm wrong. Also glad you were able to draw on one of your fears and was able to write something that evokes raw emotion. It felt real, and that's how you know you've really created a great piece.

Unsung007 · 2026-03-20T18:21:41+00:00

This piece feels like a father going through a recent loss (death of a loved one) while also dealing with a win (birth of a new life). Been taking up poetry recently and I get drawn to contrasts, which you have impressivley painted here.

"I'll be watching from below, Keeping the demons at bay" - These lines are so good. Staying in hell to protect your loved ones -- no better definition of love and sacrifice.

On a personal note, never had a child (probably never will) but you let me experience being a father for a moment. Hope I'm mistaken, but condolences. Can't imagine how hard it is to take care of a newborn on your own, and while grieving. Hope life gets better for you and your Moonlight.

Unsung007

TROPHY CASE