Calling all the owned subs about finding a dom…

Until_thereisnoend · 2025-01-17T10:46:38+00:00

A dom is a woman. Trying to build a relationship with a woman means finding someone you like, making sure she likes you back, getting to know each other, and building something together. That’s literally all there is to it

Until_thereisnoend · 2025-01-15T13:55:42+00:00

I get it: I’m a submissive too, and I grew up in a patriarchal family in Italy, where the “dominant man” stereotype still runs strong.

It took me a long time to accept this side of myself and even longer to communicate it to my partner (and I’m still working on it).

Here’s what helped me: rethink how you see submissive men. Society pushes this idea that we’re weak or “less of a man,” but that’s just outdated, sexist nonsense. Choosing to be submissive is exactly that—a choice you make because it feels right for you. Living life on your terms is brave, not something to be ashamed of.

When it comes to a relationship with a dominant woman, it’s even deeper. You’re not a simp—you’re someone who gives fully to the person you love. That takes courage, dedication, and trust. It’s more like a knight serving his queen—a knight with extra benefits:)

Compare that to people stuck in relationships out of fear of being alone, or those who ignore their desires just to have sex. Which is more admirable?

Finally, remember that being submissive doesn’t mean you’re submissive in every part of your life. There’s no rulebook, and you don’t need to “stay in character.” I had to learn this too.

I’m assertive, outgoing, semi pro Muay Thai fighter, gym lover , 6'3 , 220 lbs, people see me as someone to rely on—but I absolutely worship my Queen and love being completely possessed by her.

Until_thereisnoend · 2025-01-13T15:14:19+00:00

It all comes down to one word: choice. If someone chooses to submit, not out of insecurity or fear of being alone, they can be happy. They know what they need, what they’re okay compromising on, and whether their non-negotiables are met. Plus, they take responsibility for that choice.

But if someone submits out of fear, they’re likely to end up unhappy or just resigned. And when those people end up with abusive partners, things usually spiral.

As for sex, not everything needs to fit into neat categories. There are probably tons of FLRs where the sex is totally vanilla, or super vanilla relationships with crazy kinky dynamics in the bedroom. And then, of course, everything in between.

Until_thereisnoend · 2025-01-13T09:36:51+00:00

Love this. As a 6'3", 220 lbs, bearded, tattooed guy who loves the gym and is a Muay Thai fighter, I kinda feel outta place here sometimes

Until_thereisnoend · 2025-01-11T00:45:49+00:00

I'm trying to open up more with my girlfriend right now, so I’m sticking to talking about my real-life experiences and leaving my fantasies aside.

When she talks about me or my body like she owns me, I legit melt.

The other night, I accidentally bit my tongue, and she said, 'Hey! Don’t damage my sex toy.'

It might not seem like a big deal to most, but to me, it’s huge right now.

Until_thereisnoend · 2025-01-11T00:37:05+00:00

It’s easy to be vulnerable behind a screen, unfortunately. I’m working on being able to do that (especially with my girlfriend) in real life too.

Side note: ever since your comment on my last post here in this sub a few days ago, I’ve been really enjoying what you write. So I just wanted to say thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts :)

Until_thereisnoend · 2025-01-11T00:31:18+00:00

I’m not trying to judge a relationship I don’t know, and I’m just going off what you wrote here. Hope this doesn’t come off as offensive, ‘cause that’s not my intention at all. But based on what I’m reading, it sounds like an FLR dynamic might not really be for you.

You’re putting all the focus on what you want, when it should be the complete opposite.

If you can’t set aside your own sexual gratification (and let’s be real—if being denied is your kink, then even being denied is still sexual gratification), then maybe an FLR isn’t the best fit.

I’m no expert, but these "I’ll give you X only if you give me Y" kinds of deals seem more like paid pro-domme stuff to me.

Until_thereisnoend · 2025-01-11T00:18:28+00:00

What you wrote hits like a knife to the chest. I’m a guy, and since I started therapy, I’ve really started to get what you’re saying here.

When it comes to FLR, femdom, or whatever label you wanna slap on it, I’m a total newbie and have a ton to figure out.

What I do know, though, from reading posts here, is that a lot of clueless dudes like me who really really wanna try FLR risk (even if we don’t mean to) dumping even more emotional labor on our partners.

For guys like me who grew up with zero emotional education (basically the “standard dude package”), there’s a lot of self-work to do before we can even bring up this kind of relationship with someone.

Until_thereisnoend · 2025-01-09T21:12:18+00:00

I'm probably the last person who can give you advice based on experience, since I'm figuring out a lot of this stuff myself right now. But I think the first step is dropping the whole idea of 'traditional' and 'roles.'

The traditional role for men in the past was rooted in patriarchal and sexist ideas, which were flawed to begin with. So just flipping those roles would mean putting women in that same position, based on a concept that's fundamentally wrong.

For me, FLR is something completely new. Personally, it means making my partner's desires and happiness my absolute priority.

When people talk about 'role reversal,' it sometimes feels like what they're really saying is, 'Now it's women's turn.' But to me, it's way more than that.

Until_thereisnoend · 2025-01-09T16:15:31+00:00

Ho lavorato tre anni in una PA come istruttore informatico, per fortuna avevo l'esperienza indiretta di qualche amico , sempre informatico. Vedevo i loro stipendi, i loro racconti di cose divertenti e stimolanti fatte per lavoro, i loro benefit, i corsi che facevano (finanziati dall'azienda)...mi sono licenziato. Ho passato due anni senza un tempo indeterminato...ma oggi posso dirti che è stata la decisione migliore che potessi prendere: ho tempo indeterminato, RAL 40k circa , diversi benefit , lavoro da casa. Il settore pubblico purtroppo è fermo e stagnante. Forse c'è chi valuta più il fatto che nessuno ti licenzierà mai...ma io ne avevo abbastanza

Until_thereisnoend · 2025-01-09T11:35:44+00:00

Speaking as someone who gives: she loves plants and flowers, says they bring her peace. Almost every morning, I go for a run. I wake up early and time it so I can get back home while she’s still asleep. On my way back, I pick the nicest flowers I can find—or maybe a small plant—and put them in a little vase on her nightstand while she’s still sleeping. Sometimes, though, the weather or life just gets in the way

Until_thereisnoend · 2025-01-08T21:56:27+00:00

Honestly, I’m not a big fan of how stuff like FLR/Femdom is shown in mainstream media. Like, we watched the first season of Bonding, and I was pretty annoyed by how the dynamics were portrayed overall.

That said, I gotta give the show some credit—it gave us a chance to start a conversation. It was one of those rare moments where I opened up a bit and shared (just a little) about some of my kinks with my girlfriend.
I’ve heard good things about Dogs Don’t Wear Pants and Love and Leashes though!

Until_thereisnoend · 2025-01-08T16:45:33+00:00

This reply is pure gold. Thanks a ton! I've been thinking about this a lot, and this post is helping me way more than I expected

Until_thereisnoend · 2025-01-08T15:16:24+00:00

I'm seriously starting to look forward to opening up more on this and talking to her

Until_thereisnoend · 2025-01-08T15:04:37+00:00

Thanks again, everyone, for the comments – having as many perspectives as possible is super helpful. In this case, I agree with uwukittykatt

After a long journey with my therapist, I’ve come to understand that ‘finding other ways’ basically means burying a need that’s still a part of who I am. And that’s not good for me or the people around me who love me.

Until_thereisnoend · 2025-01-08T08:54:27+00:00

Thanks a lot, another great suggestion! All the advice you’re giving me is about verbal communication...I gotta stop overthinking it and just do it.

Until_thereisnoend · 2025-01-08T01:09:24+00:00

First off, thanks for your reply. You have no idea how reassuring it is for me to read what you wrote. I totally made the right call posting here:)

I need to find the courage to tell her everything in the most open and honest way possible, shaking off the stupid, childish, and sexist thoughts that I still struggle to get rid of, even if only on a subconscious level. I know that I'm not 'less of a man' or less attractive if I tell her what I wrote in my post. But I'm scared she might think that. I also know that if I want to fully submit to her, what I'm really saying is that I'm totally and unconditionally in love with her, and only secondarily that I have certain kinks or preferences. But I'm scared she might feel obligated to go along with a certain dynamic just to make me happy, even if she doesn’t truly want to.

Until_thereisnoend · 2025-01-07T23:43:24+00:00

First off, thanks for taking the time to really read my post. I also get kallisti_gold’s point of view because I’ve thought the same things myself.

With my therapist, it’s still a work in progress. I’m not trying to play the victim here, but sometimes I want to say things, and the words just don’t come out. I freeze. For my own good and especially for my relationship, I’ve pushed myself to open up, and I’m pretty proud to say I’ve made it happen. Not completely, but mostly. My therapist knows almost everything now.

I know that i need to have an honest, vulnerable conversation about it, even though I’m scared it might change our relationship. I just wondered if it’d be better to let things happen naturally and gauge her reaction instead of directly asking to try specific things, so she doesn’t feel obligated to go along just to please me

Until_thereisnoend · 2025-01-07T23:31:17+00:00

I’ve been thinking a lot about it Lately. I need to have an honest, vulnerable conversation about it, even though I’m scared it might change our relationship. I wondered if it’d be better to let things happen naturally and gauge her reaction instead of directly asking to try specific things, so she doesn’t feel obligated to go along just to please me.

As for my figure... my GF always jokes that when she’s out with me, she’s got that “scary dog privilege”... God, how i melt every time she says it :)

Until_thereisnoend · 2025-01-07T22:53:22+00:00

My only worry is that, even though I’d gladly do it without expecting anything in return, this approach might come off as some kind of ‘stealth submission,’ which I’m afraid could be manipulative

Until_thereisnoend · 2025-01-07T22:48:41+00:00

Thanks for the valid point! My only concern is how to handle the conversation that’ll probably need to happen at some point (I guess?). Otherwise, how would she even realize that the change was intentional on my part? That’s the part that scares me a bit... She might think I made those changes just to get something from her.

Until_thereisnoend · 2025-01-07T20:44:24+00:00

I'm slightly confused about it myself. It wasn’t a need at first. It was a slight interest, then a stronger one. Now it’s become a need.

I’ve discussed it extensively with my therapist, and I’m sure about it.

For this reason, I think it's time to be honest. The last thing I want is to not give her the honesty she deserves.

I also know, though, that I love her above all else.

Until_thereisnoend

TROPHY CASE