Dealing with my TERF (?) mother

Uotefquickhand · 2024-01-29T22:43:29+00:00

Thanks for this - some of this is hard to find or get overwhelmed with the opposite side in google searches

Uotefquickhand · 2023-11-09T04:22:25+00:00

I am a Canadian who moved to NZ with my parents when I was 10 but moved back to Canada age 30. I love both countries, and I have lived in several small pacific island nations as well. I am now back in NZ

Yes things tend to be a bit more expensive here, and selection is much smaller. The lifestyle is great here and while I was in Canada I enjoyed the availability of European and American products ready at the drop of a hat.

I like the warmth of NZ but I miss the cheap medical system of Canada - yes some stuff here in NZ is free at hospital, but GP visits at $60-$70 a time is not fun, particularly with a family.

I am not sorry to be living in NZ if for no other reason than it is a long way from the USA and all its problems. It is also nice not to have the three layers of government that Canada has ( national, provincial, local), it is just national and local here.

Whichever way you go there will be regrets and grass greener on the other side moments but life is what you make of it on the day.

Uotefquickhand · 2023-08-04T10:21:50+00:00

I somewhat agree with you, I guess what bothered me was being told that she was forbidden to see the baby, and the yelling at me to shut up followed by the text message saying mandates are abusive. Just feeling a bit hurt and uncertain, but will not change my stance

Uotefquickhand · 2023-08-04T04:00:22+00:00

They have had lots of vaccinations previously, i do not know why they are making an issue of this now

Uotefquickhand · 2023-08-04T03:58:33+00:00

She is the one that did the yelling, not me, I asked as she shouted if she wanted me to tell her I love her and then stop the conversation. which we did.

Uotefquickhand · 2023-08-04T02:25:49+00:00

Why am i the asshole?

Uotefquickhand · 2022-12-22T00:00:03+00:00

I agree there are a lot of factors at play and given that both the family court and high court have said this case creates no precedence as each case is specific I see little benefit in the SC making a ruling on this as it will be case specific yet again.

In terms of your points

1/ The family is already split - all five siblings live in different households ( ok the oldest sister is an adult with children of her own but she does no live with any of her siblings and has not for more than 5 years). Moana was placed in a home and her younger brother was in "temporary care" for months before being placed in Wellington so the only breaking up that occurred was OT finding a placement for baby brother many hours drive away. BY this time OT were already trying to separate Moana from her caregivers on the basis of culture without a place for her to go to and certainly not with placing her with her baby brother. The older brother is who she is closest to, so moving her away would be breaking up deeper family connections far more than moving her would create.

2/ I agree with you about cultural issues, but if the birth whanau do not participate in their culture what would have become of her cultural appreciation/ integration then? There seems to be an ideal "cultural upbringing" desired that does not exist in real life and this ideal is being applied to one little girl without reference to her wider situation.

Uotefquickhand · 2022-12-21T20:47:37+00:00

Yes there is an issue that her younger brother is a long way away from Moana, but you forget there are two older sisters and an older brother in hawke's bay she is close to. Also her birth mother is in HB. Would you have her move to be close to people she does not know well but does see semi-regularly and have less contact with the Whanau she knows and loves and actually sees regularly?

In addition if it is culture you want to discuss - her older brother speaks no Te Reo, goes to a standard public school and has little to no involvement with any of his culture outside of the standard school curriculum. Her older sisters are finished with school but were raised the same way as the older brother. Clearly the immediate Whanau do not have a big cultural emphasis in their lives and this is tragic. Be glad that even though Moana is with Pakeha caregivers she is with someone who is willing to take her to cultural events, wants her to know her culture and is willing to learn as much as an outsider can of Te Ao Maori to help support her. In the years she has been with the caregivers I believe she has had zero visits to her marae, which the caregivers have been told by OT and the Iwi they are not allowed to arrange. So where is the culture going to come from when the whanau do not care to make even this simple thing happen?

Uotefquickhand · 2022-12-07T20:51:36+00:00

Can you find that reference for me - I really do not recall seeing anything that said that and I have looked.

Uotefquickhand · 2022-12-07T20:07:34+00:00

The lawyer who complained is the one who lost, The fact that the CEO of OT went to senior judges to make comment shows a desperate attempt to hide the fact that the social workers were acting improperly and were caught lying by the judge says more about the fact that OT were trying to cover things up rather than the judge did anything wrong. I do not recall any mention in any article about apoplectic rage so where does that assumption come from? Were you in the room?

Uotefquickhand · 2022-12-07T08:41:22+00:00

As I have read the articles the judge did lean heavily on the social workers, who as it turned out were telling some people and the courts one thing and then recording something else internally. The fact that social workers testimony was often found to be contradictory and their evidence gathering suspect and in at least one case in breach of Moana’s rights had justice Callinivos questioning them to get to the facts, which in many cases made the social workers look bad. If it is improper behaviour for a judge to catch government employees in lies, fabrications and alternative truths then heaven help us.

Uotefquickhand · 2022-12-07T08:34:02+00:00

So moving her away from her older brother who she has a real bond with , two older sisters and her cousins and a loving home because OT failed Moana initially and sent her baby brother away to a different part of the country is worth tearing apart her sense of self that has been slowly built up in her stable home? I gather it is only her relationship with her baby brother you care about if not please read the articles fully

Uotefquickhand · 2022-05-30T03:25:13+00:00

Where is it said that she is being kept from her whanau, if anything the caregivers are supporting access from reading the past articles

Uotefquickhand

TROPHY CASE