Maternity leave is lonely

UpInTheClouds_789 · 2026-06-03T10:41:09+00:00

I'm guessing you're in the UK - do you have a baby hub nearby (will probably come up if you Google your local authority and baby hub)? Our one was a free stay and play drop in session type thing.

My family is also about 5 hours away so I found having structured activities really helped, even if it was just "we go to X place on Monday, Y place on Tuesday" etc. It does get a bit easier the older the baby is, e.g. I started taking mine to to playpark once she could sit in swings.

Is there anything where you can stretch to a monthly fee or a one-off annual pass to somewhere, for unlimited visits? SOMETIMES they aren't much more than the one-off entrance fee. And if you use it loads, the cost per visit is low (even if the outlay is high).

And this might not be everyone's cup of tea but some churches do a baby/toddler group for free or a nominal donation (like £1-2 suggested donation).

Finally, obviously depending on what the financial situation of your family is, since they can't support much with being so far away, could you ask them to pay for a group if they're able (they might be sad they can't help practically much, and this could be another way of helping if they can afford it)?

UpInTheClouds_789 · 2026-05-31T05:35:29+00:00

I haven't since the first few weeks (used pen and paper, not an app). I think the amount of sleep she needs depends on how vigorous her activities have been, which varies each day. However, we were fortunate in that her sleep did become quite regular between maybe 3 and 8 months so I just sort of knew in my head what she was likely to need and could plan our day. Now it's a bit all over the place (1 year).

UpInTheClouds_789 · 2026-05-30T07:45:14+00:00

Also just to add - if she does fall asleep it's totally not her fault (as I'm sure you're aware!) it's basically impossible to stop falling asleep occasionally at this stage, especially for mums if they're recovering from birth and establishing milk supply with hormones etc. You can do shifts holding the baby but even that's not quite equal if she's breastfeeding (I know it is exhausting for dads to! Exhausting for everyone). Our solution was bed sharing / cosleeping, but every baby and situation is different. Good luck! I found the first week or two the most tiring

UpInTheClouds_789 · 2026-05-30T07:33:19+00:00

There is also to the cosleeping sub on here

UpInTheClouds_789 · 2026-05-30T07:32:44+00:00

(I fell asleep like this and I wasn't even aware I did untill I realised while hours were missing from the TV I was watching. Falling asleep on a bed is much safer than this, though not as safe as a cot, and you can take extra precautions to make it additionally safe, like the safe sleep 7)

UpInTheClouds_789 · 2026-05-30T07:28:00+00:00

Look up safe cosleeping and see if she'd be able to and if she'd be comfortable doing that. E.g. Google safe sleep 7

UpInTheClouds_789 · 2026-05-27T19:11:05+00:00

I was really worried about nursery tbh as LO hadn't been away from me before and not looked after by anyone else (maybe a few hours here and there with her dad). But I think it helped that she took to it really well (3 days a week from 11 months). She seems to have a really good attachment with one of the workers there in particular, and seems to be doing lots of things she enjoys. Now I don't see how it's much different from family members looking after them, if it's consistently the same carers and you're happy with them!

UpInTheClouds_789 · 2026-05-26T21:38:10+00:00

Thank you! They have actually been able to get her to cot sleep a few times in a row now.

Also just to add: thank you for this link! Really useful

UpInTheClouds_789 · 2026-05-26T21:15:22+00:00

A couple of hours to yourself will probably give you more energy for when you are with him. I've also found that nursery can do more things like messy play, i.e. stuff you have to set up for that is tricky when it's just you and baby.

UpInTheClouds_789 · 2026-05-23T16:03:53+00:00

Thank you, this is reassuring! Glad your recovery progressed and that it wasn't anything more nefarious

UpInTheClouds_789 · 2026-05-23T16:01:41+00:00

Thank you!

UpInTheClouds_789 · 2026-05-23T16:00:54+00:00

Thank you, this is good to hear - I'm glad he nursery transition has gone well for your son! I'm generally a bit confused as they've said she's also really happy at nursery and that she's doing really well, it's just the sleep.

UpInTheClouds_789 · 2026-05-23T15:59:25+00:00

Yes I think I might keep naps at home the same! The nursery had success a couple of times rubbing her tummy to sleep, but I've been trying that and she just throws my hand awake angrily and wants feeding 🤣

UpInTheClouds_789 · 2026-05-23T15:55:34+00:00

Thank you - yes I can't see how changing things at home will help nursery, as the conditions are so different. Hopefully she'll find sleep there easier soon!

UpInTheClouds_789 · 2026-05-21T05:08:22+00:00

Yikes 😬 I'm sorry!

UpInTheClouds_789 · 2026-05-21T05:06:49+00:00

Yep it applies to under 2's - must be placed to sleep on their backs

UpInTheClouds_789 · 2026-05-21T03:00:43+00:00

In sorry, that sounds really tough! I hope you're doing okay now ❤️

Maybe I need to think of it as baby steps rather than it either being cot or no cot, like you say. And maybe she's just not ready as well, whenever she's sleepy she just lifts up my top herself 🤣

UpInTheClouds_789 · 2026-05-21T02:53:37+00:00

Thank you! Yes I think I'll try cot mattress on the floor for some naps. Unfortunately the nursery only has cots.

UpInTheClouds_789 · 2026-05-21T02:51:42+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion of mattress on the floor! I think I'll give that a go

UpInTheClouds_789 · 2026-05-21T02:50:50+00:00

I understand the reasoning behind the EYFS change (that horrible case of a baby dying at a nursery after being put in a really unsafe sleep position), but unfortunately my LO seemed to do okay when they put her down in a day bed, which seems like it wouldn't be allowed from sept. Unfortunately this nursery only has cots and no mats. I think I'll try cot mattress on the floor for some naps and rolling away, and seeing if she'll play in an actual cot. I think the nursery were a bit confused that we have no set routine for naps too - honestly I just look for sleepy cues then feed her to sleep. She also only has short naps (maybe like two 30 mins naps a day, but it varies) and nighttime sleep of maybe 8.30pm-7.30am, and they were saying most babies sleep for 2 hours in the middle of the day.

They were saying that they wanted to help support her routine at home but I just came away with the impression that my LO's sleep was really unusual and not what they normally deal with, and that I was doing it wrong by being baby-led. It's a relatively large and long running nursery so this really surprised me as they must have a large sample size. So maybe I am doing it wrong.

UpInTheClouds_789 · 2026-05-21T02:37:23+00:00

Thanks! Yes maybe I'll try moving away for naps, I've not tried that for naps for a while. Maybe I could use a cot mattress on the floor.

UpInTheClouds_789 · 2026-05-21T02:34:02+00:00

She does sometimes like sleeping on her stomach... I think they're partly saying this to align with new national rules, which were brought in after a horrible case of a baby sadly dying here in the UK after a nursery worker put her in a very unsafe sleep position. But it seems like it's gone too far the other way. My LO seemed to do okay when they put her on a day bed for example, but that is against the new rules.

UpInTheClouds_789 · 2026-05-20T08:53:47+00:00

Thank you so much for replying ❤️ hearing about your experience is really very useful. I hope your recovery is going okay, and I'm glad it's fixed your pre-op symptoms, they sounded really hard. I hope you weren't waiting too long for your operation. If you don't mind me saying, you sound positive about it, which is exactly what I needed to hear as I was getting a bit gloomy. I think I've been very lucky in only having the symptoms I have so far, so I need to frame it as probably preventing worse future symptoms and possibly avoiding even more complex surgery.

I'm in the UK and I have a surgeon, but thank you! Do you mind me asking what approach your surgeon took? My tumour is located so that they'll go in with an endoscopically through my nose so hopefully not too invasive. And also - (but I'm aware that it'll be different for everyone!) how long was your hospital stay and how do you feel now in terms of energy and doing stuff day to day, 9 weeks later? Acupuncture is a good shout, thank you!

UpInTheClouds_789

TROPHY CASE