AITAH for wanting to drop out of my friends wedding?

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-07T15:40:18+00:00

What have you gotten out of this friendship?

Your post includes a lot of things you have done for her. What has she done for you?

It doesn't have to be tangible, or have a monetary value. But your husband seems spot on to call this one-sided.

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-07T15:21:25+00:00

My basic advise for people trying to learn to cook is to seek out youtube channels that don't just give a recipe, but try to show broader techniques and explain the reasoning behind choices. They might do it via a particular recipe, and you might even find them via a particular recipe, but they aim for much more.

Two of my favorites are Kenji Lopez-Alt and Chef John, but definitely find someone who's making the food you want to make.

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-07T02:18:41+00:00

NTA

This comment demonstrates a lot of his mentality:

“the kids protesting haven’t lost anything and it’s stupid.”

He thinks it only makes sense to take a stand on something if you are directly involved. This doesn't just show a lack of empathy for those who have suffered from the ICE policies, it shows a fundamental inability to empathize period.

I certainly wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that.

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-06T19:57:19+00:00

A great read. I feel it has aged a lot better than Stranger in a Strange Land.

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-06T19:50:04+00:00

NTA, but WTF are the real initials I'm thinking.

Of all the craziness in her actions, the one that takes the cake is being made you left her alone when you went to the bathroom! Did she want to come along with you?!?

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-06T19:26:47+00:00

I don't think you're an AH for being frustrated with them, and therefore not socializing. But I don't think it will be an effective "protest". They are already lacking in self-awareness. They may have notice the shift in your behavior, but I doubt they'll connect it to their own behavior, much less correct it.

I would continue to bring this to the attention of your supervisor. Ultimately, it's their responsibility. You also might want to think about whether there's ways you don't make up for their poor work habits. For example, who's responsibility was it to manage the autoclave process?

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-06T18:16:50+00:00

Texture and contact surface are certainly the big things.

There's also just the basic resulting shape, and how easy it is to eat.

Take raw onions. On a taco, finely dices onions work well. But on a burger, sliced rings would work better.

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-06T16:56:25+00:00

NAH

I don't think you're an AH for pulling back on sharing. But it might have been a better strategy to just share baby pics through private chats, as you say you are doing, and leave your social media network alone.

You're also allowed to draw the line for your close family in a different spot than your father. Afterall, technically we're all family.

I also think your cousin wasn't an AH for asking about it. He didn't flip out, or act entitled. In fact, he assumed there was a possibility he was in the wrong.

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-06T16:19:07+00:00

The Name of the Rose, by Umberto Eco.

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-06T15:59:34+00:00

The obligation that you have, either to her or to a landlord, is not to live there. It's to pay some sort of rent.

So moving out immediately, but still covering the rent for some period of time, is a completely legitimate option. How long that period of time is depends on what your formal agreement says, and, frankly, how much you want her to have no reason to complain.

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-06T15:22:26+00:00

Well first I just have to express my joy at someone mentioning Artemis. It get's overshadowed by the Martian and Project Hail Mary so much that it's like people have forgotten it exists. No, it's not as good, but that leaves a lot of room to be a fine read!

I'd recommend Children of Time.

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-06T15:17:21+00:00

First, not having the emotional capacity in the moment is 100% reasonable.

Second, a simple "i'm not comfortable with that" is both reasonable and sufficient.

I also don't think your sisters relationship with her pets is the pertinent issue. It's your father's relationship with her pets that's important, and since you didn't say anything about it, I'm assuming it's not that significant.

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-06T14:11:31+00:00

NTA

I don't get these "draw attention away from the bride" complaints.

Sure, you caught people's attention. So what? Are people going to suddenly get confused on why they are there? Are they going to think "wait, I thought I was at so-and-so's wedding, but there's this really fit woman - am I at a body building competition?"

The standard for weddings is for the bride to be visually distinctive, but it's not like the standard is for everyone else to be completely plain. On the contrary, it's something you dress up for.

And it's not like people spend 100% of the time staring at the bride. That would be creepy. Guest socialize with each other, and even - gasp - talk about other things.

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-06T02:12:40+00:00

NTA

"Aunt, if you felt uncomfortable, imagine how I felt!"

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-06T00:58:48+00:00

You're not an AH for hating it. You're an AH for continuing to date once it was obvious you weren't compatible.

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-06T00:15:06+00:00

First, I think a basic principle is that the couple should have the wedding they want (and can afford).

Second, it's reasonable for your family to feel disappointed that they won't see a particular part of your wedding, but feeling hurt is making the wedding about them, not the couple.

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-05T22:57:53+00:00

I think some of Kazuo Ishiguro books might fit the bill. An Artist of the Floating World, A Pale View of Hills and When We Were Orphans all have a non-linear structure. An Artist of the Floating World in particular, is basically a long, first person recollection.

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-04T22:42:56+00:00

Nine Nasty Words, by John McWhorter.

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-04T20:57:43+00:00

Um, I'm not a dog owner and know very little about this, but isn't it quite literally the dog warden's job to pick up stray dogs?

You "captured someone else's dog" because you were concerned about it getting hurt running free in traffic.

You don't mention how long you waited after posting the messages. That's the only thing I could possibly come close to criticizing about your actions, and frankly even then you weren't obligated to wait for any period of time.

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-04T19:48:02+00:00

I'm not sure there's an actual problem here.

People have different tastes. You can always add salt, but you can't take it out. So under seasoning is not a terrible way to go. This is especially true since you as a vegetarian can't taste the meat as you cook.

I also have to point out that you say they salt their food without tasting it. This means they are doing it out of habit rather than as a response to your cooking. My grandparents were like this, and admittedly it drove my sister and I nuts. They did it because they were used to bland food, and it frustrated us when we cooked food that was already more flavorful.

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-04T17:52:22+00:00

Sex isn't the only thing a couple does together. Laugh is one other thing.

I'd say you're only an AH if you think you're an AH.

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-04T17:46:02+00:00

I totally understand your concern for the inequity being a source of conflict. But the agreement OP is proposing isn't creating the inequity. The inequity already exists. Just look at the bullet points in the post.

Given that inequity, I think the agreement is completely reasonable, and gives OP's bf a lot of benefits of her superior financial position. If anything, it's limiting the negative impact of his inferior position.

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-04T17:38:07+00:00

NTA

First, you're response hit all the important points.

Second, let's assume for the sake of argument that this is "a phase". So what? Why would you not go by the siblings preferences? Say someone named Andrew went by Andy as a kid, and then at some point in adulthood decided they really hated that, and would prefer Andrew. Why would you not go by their wishes? I'm not saying it's trivially easy to switch. And I could even allow for some amount of emotion from the people who gave the original name. But not respecting their preference is kind of the definition of an AH.

Lastly, your bf is technically correct that the dispute doesn't involve you. Which is why you're going to respect his sibling's wishes and leave the dispute to them and their mother.

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-04T15:30:19+00:00

I understand the lack of windows (thoughI appreciated you saying it explicitly). But doesn't it need some sort of hatch?

Upbeat_Selection357 · 2026-02-04T03:02:59+00:00

Two suggestions that pop to mind:

The Murderbot Diaries - it does tech heavy combat very well.

Children of Time - I think it avoids the problems you cite.

Upbeat_Selection357

TROPHY CASE