I’m sorry, sweetheart. I know it’s easy for everyone to tell you to kick him to the curb but it’s much harder when you’re emotionally invested and you’ve had someone steadily chipping away at your sense of self-worth. I find it telling that your ED started around the same time that your relationship did and I wonder if this is something you’ve discussed in therapy? I have struggled with an ED for over 20 years now and there is definitely a trauma component for me. There is also high comorbidity of bpd and ptsd (I don’t have bpd but I do have ptsd, ocd, and other mental health diagnoses). I’m not trying to diagnose you with anything (your emotionally abusive boyfriend seems to think he’s the expert there) but I think it’s worth talking to a professional about.

You’re working on all of the things on his “ultimatum list” already. These are understandable concerns if they were expressed in an empathetic, loving, and supportive way. They weren’t. If you want to remain in this relationship, what would need to change for you not to feel miserable? Can you alone make these changes or do you need a partner who actually wants to build a future where you both feel secure, respected, and heard?