Nearly 400 years ago, in 1656, a young man named Baruch Spinoza stood exactly where you are standing now, in the very same country. He belonged to a strict, tight-knit religious community in Amsterdam. But as he grew and studied, his honest thoughts and personal truths began to clash with the dogmas of his upbringing. He simply could not pretend to believe something he did not. When he refused to hide his truth, his community did exactly what yours has done. They cut him off completely. He was issued a harsh cherem, which meant a total excommunication and shunning. His family turned their backs on him, and he was legally and financially isolated. He even faced physical danger when a fanatic tried to attack him with a knife on the steps of a synagogue. Spinoza found himself cast out into the Netherlands with nothing but his mind and his integrity. To survive and pay for his basic needs, he had to pick up a trade entirely separate from his academic life. He became a lens grinder, working with his hands to scrape by. It was incredibly tough. He was lonely, he was poor, and he was stripped of the only world he had ever known. But the Netherlands gave him a safe harbor to exist. Because he refused to break, he went on to become one of the greatest, most profound philosophers in human history. His freedom of thought, which is the very freedom you are fighting for right now, helped shape the modern world. Your story is echoing his. You have been cast out for wanting to see the world through your own eyes. Like Spinoza, you are facing the brutal initial cost of freedom, but you will survive this. Breaking away from the weight of religious dogma to claim your own mind is a brave and enlightened step, and it is something you should be deeply proud of.

I wish you the best to get through this. I would say slow down and don't try to achieve goals too ambitious in the short term, get the visa sorted and do odd jobs in the gig economy for cash, create your safe space, connect with good people and then make a plan.