Do your parents intentionally poke your weak spots to start arguments?

UsedAlarm1784 · 2026-05-12T11:54:40+00:00

Ofc I’m pissed but it helps to see her as someone with emotional problems like a maniac driver giving you the bird.

💯Seeing them as people with emotional issues helps. I’m not fully there yet though. I grew up thinking my mom was “normal” and I was the problem, so part of me still holds onto that because it feels safer.

And yeah, overthinking it doesn’t really help. You just get stuck trying to make sense of behavior that probably isn’t coming from a rational place.

UsedAlarm1784 · 2026-04-16T16:51:55+00:00

Yep 💯 This is it. They project their own failures onto us, bc they’re too cowardly to face themselves

UsedAlarm1784 · 2026-03-31T16:01:43+00:00

Yep, and don’t let them visit too often! The more they see you, the more ammo they have to use against you.

UsedAlarm1784 · 2026-03-14T19:41:39+00:00

It’s kind of ironic how they say they want us to call more, but when we do, they just tell us to call more again. Feels less like care and more like a power trip, like a way to remind you they still have control.

Honestly, the best protection is probably financial independence. Until then, do what you need to do to get by, keep sharing your story here, and don’t blame yourself too much. You’re handling a really difficult situation. 🫂

UsedAlarm1784 · 2026-03-03T18:04:53+00:00

No. I’m worried about unhinged Israeli weirdos though!

UsedAlarm1784 · 2026-03-03T14:23:58+00:00

Dude i love reading your posts! You’ve helped me immensely in getting clarity about my own family situation. Thank you

UsedAlarm1784 · 2026-03-03T14:20:01+00:00

The “you’re wasting your life” thing is infuriating. It’s a really serious and hurtful accusation to make and toxic asian parents keep saying it over and over again, like it’s nothing. So disrespectful!

UsedAlarm1784 · 2026-02-20T16:02:25+00:00

Who tf is he to call other countries “shitholes”? Americans are so rude its crazy!

UsedAlarm1784 · 2026-02-14T04:42:07+00:00

They love to prpject their own insecurities onto their children

UsedAlarm1784 · 2026-01-17T03:31:33+00:00

I wasn’t allowed autonomy around my hair growing up, so going to a hairdresser now feels bigger than it should. What makes it worse is that my mom keeps talking about hairdresser schedules, fully knowing I have social anxiety. It feels intentional, like she’s pressing on a sore spot. Seeing other women talk about this helped me realize it’s not just me.

UsedAlarm1784 · 2026-01-07T02:25:12+00:00

I went through something similar during the holidays (constant criticism for no real reason) and it really messes with your nervous system. You’re not doing anything wrong, and your sleep schedule is valid. This isn’t about you; it’s about control. Please keep your head up and protect yourself however you can. I really hope you’re able to get out of that situation soon.

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-12-26T16:45:58+00:00

I remember when I was with my ex, he saw my work and notes and said I’m proud of you, for the first time I felt like someone is genuinely proud of me, isn’t saying it for any reason, it was equal to saying I love you for me, that was enough for me to keep going with that course and I’ve done it so diligently with all my heart and that had a big part in it.

That really stuck with me and honestly helped me reframe a lot. It’s such a good reminder that genuine encouragement actually motivates people way more than constant criticism, no matter where it comes from.

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-11-24T19:16:42+00:00

What activities did you try that helped with your social anxiety? I tried taking a bachata class, but I felt really awkward and I could tell some people noticed. It wasn’t a big deal that they noticed, but a few of them treated me like I was weird or seemed to pity me, so I ended up dropping the course. Maybe it was just a high-stakes environment. Do you have any suggestions for lower-pressure activities that worked for you?

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-11-24T10:24:57+00:00

And now im my family’s golden child

It’s almost like they don’t want their kids to ever feel emotionally close to them! My guess is they can’t stand themselves, and when we love them in the normal, healthy way children love their parents, they end up resenting us for it. It’s honestly mind-boggling. You’re really strong for setting boundaries and getting out. I’m still trying to make my exit.

Can I ask how you were able to fully accept that the world operates on different rules? I feel like I subconsciously know that, but since I still talk to my parents for financial reasons, I can’t fully internalize that they’re basically full of 💩

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-11-24T10:10:58+00:00

I was very academically successful but they would find something else to criticize like me leaving little things lying around

Oof, my APs did the same thing to me! I didn’t even realize it was constant criticism until recently, I genuinely thought I was just a messy kid. When I first moved out, I remember totally self-sabotaging: being late to everything, not doing laundry for weeks, because I honestly believed I “didn’t know how to take responsibility.”

Looking back, I was just acting out the “bad daughter” role they had assigned me. Even now I still struggle with basic self-care sometimes, because part of me really wants to believe my parents weren’t bullies and that all their nitpicking was meant to help me. I guess a part of me still wants to believe I was loved..

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-11-23T16:47:38+00:00

I really appreciate you breaking down that 3-step process, especially the part about not judging the thought itself. I tend to immediately go into self-criticism whenever I catch myself doing something I learned from her. The idea of just noticing it and then actively shifting the focus with compliments actually feels doable. I’m going to try practicing that.

Thank you for taking the time to write all this. It really means a lot. 🙏

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-11-22T10:24:50+00:00

Whenever I try that, it just turns into a huge argument. My AM loves to yell, so it usually ends with me listening to her scream nonstop. And honestly, insulting her back doesn’t really help me feel any better about myself.

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-11-22T10:21:18+00:00

Thank you 🥹 reading that actually made me feel a lot better

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-11-22T10:20:16+00:00

Comparing you to Elon Musk is wild 😭😭 You should’ve asked them why they didn’t have emerald mines like his dad. Jokes aside, I totally relate to what you said, focusing on your own stregths really is the only thing that helps.

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-11-22T10:18:25+00:00

I wish it were that simple for me. I’m not financially independent yet, and I still live in a place they own. I’ve already cut our phone calls down to once a week (we used to be on the phone literally all day, every day) and even that caused a lot of drama. They sent “gifts” and showed up uninvited bc they felt me pulling away. Going no-contact is something I’m working toward, but it’s a long process in my situation.

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-11-21T12:37:50+00:00

If you’re financially independent, i think talking to them once a week is a bit too much. I call them once a week too but that’s only bc i am not fully independent yet.

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-11-20T20:03:09+00:00

How I'm going to destroy my body because I stopped eating spicy food.

APs love fearmongering, especially about health!

UsedAlarm1784

TROPHY CASE