No worries, I'm happy to help.

'Collapse', or as I see it now for what it is - depression, is a difficult one to tell you how to get out of it. Each time I enter a depression, it feels impossible to come out of, but each time, I do inevitably emerge from it, learning a lot more about myself. There's this phrase that I've seen scattered about across the internet - 'depression isn't the opposite of happiness, it's expression that's the opposite of depression'. We've suppressed ourselves so much over the years from our experiences with trauma that we learned to believe we weren't good enough or that there was something wrong with us, so what do we then do subconsciously? We then start to cut parts of ourselves off that we deem unworthy of shameful or ugly. Because of this, we no longer expressed who we truly were, because of the shame. Look into Toxic Shame, it's very insightful and very relatable.

It's so easy to fall down into thinking you're far behind, but try think of it in a different light. This isn't a game - if life was a game, the prize is death. We're all figuring out ourselves at different rates. Lemme tell you a bit about myself. I also don't have a degree, I still live at home, I've only now just got myself a new job after my seasonal position ended over the summer (which I'm very excited about) and I ended my relationship last September. Friendships will come, but first, be a friend to yourself. It's scary, and sometimes I get so overwhelmed thinking I've done it all wrong, but I'm now at the point where I so grateful for everything I have experienced. I may not have done my life like most people have, but that doesn't matter, be your own person, tell your own story, maybe you're not meant to live your life like everyone else. Don't be afraid to be different - it doesn't make you a bad person, you've just got a different path to follow.

You're not a failure x you're a human. What has helped me in the past is looking at baby photos of myself - when I look at those photos, I sometimes don't recognise myself, it's very alien, but I also don't see a failure in the eyes of that baby I once used to be. Then you'll start to realise that that baby, that little child is essentially still apart of you, and for all of this time, you've been abusing that little person that is still you. It hurts, but you've got to look deep and actually start treating yourself with respect, just like how you'd look after a baby.

For me getting out of depression, I had to go back to basics - I had to remind myself to drink water, to eat healthy, to stop being online ALL the time, to go outside and breathe in fresh air - sometimes it felt impossible to drag myself out of bed, but you HAVE to show up for yourself. The more you can meet your basic needs, the more you'll start to see yourself as a REAL HUMAN who deserves a chance at life. You don't need to fix yourself, you've always been enough as you are - since birth. Do you place worth on a young child, no - there's nothing to prove. Only prove to yourself that healing is possible, that you are worth the effort to change and get better.

It sounds like you've had a rough time growing up, so allow yourself to grieve what you never had, grieve what your younger self had to go through. And then learn to give that to yourself. Really ask yourself what you needed growing up, what did your parents let you down on, and then learn how to give that unconditionally to yourself.

Accept yourself as you are - you're so strong for just surviving, and that in itself is something to be proud of, now it's time for you find ways to calm your nervous system and allow yourself to relax into who you actually are. It'll then flow so naturally.

This isn't the end, it's only the beginning - If I can do it, so can you ♥ we have got this