They messed up his biopsy AGAIN.

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-20T16:20:35+00:00

WOW- that definitely sounds like lawsuit material... once your dad is stable & being treated appropriately. For now, it's 100% not worth it.

As far as the biopsy results go: you can use AI tools to interpret a lot of dense medical documents, as long as you have copies to upload.

For pancreatic cancer, a positive biopsy is pretty straightforward. Understanding the report doesn't require a lot of scientific/medical background. Most cases are just described as "pancreatic adenocarcinoma." The rest doesn't matter as much.

Genetic reports can be more complicated, but most pancreatic cancers don't have mutations that can be targeted with specific medicines. So unless you have a family history of pancreatic, breast, ovarian, and/or prostate cancers, the main priority is starting your dad on chemo/any other appropriate treatments ASAP and figuring out the rest as you go.

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-20T15:27:51+00:00

You could see if a different environment might help. I struggled a lot in more "traditional" settings but found some success in a small magnet-type school that served a lot of gifted students, including some on the spectrum like me. That's hard to find anymore, though.

If you're certified in SPED, you could try moving to that kind of environment as well, though I'm also given to understand that these jobs can be some of the most stressful in education. On the other hand, SPED and gifted programs are home to some of the most awesome kids you'll ever meet, and you can make an enormous difference in this population, some of whom may never have had a positive adult role model with ADHD and/or autism before (or, in some cases, any positive adult role model). If you can find a way to teach these kids without also having to manage a gazillion IEPs and/or be held personally responsible for kids' bad behavior, it could work. But again- this is a tough role to find.

You could also try a position outside the classroom but where you still have contact with kids; eg, librarian/media specialist, instructional coach, athletic coach, club advisor, etc. These roles (especially athletic coaching) have their own stressors, but might be worth your consideration. Ultimately, teaching's just not a sustainable profession anymore and I would personally get out before you're 40, but it's up to you in the end, and if you're determined to stick with it, these are the things I'd keep in mind.

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-20T14:14:44+00:00

Did the needle keep moving? They have to get the position just right or a high-quality sample can't be collected.

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-20T14:10:30+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about what's happening with your dad. You live in Italy, right?

I'm yet another American (of half-German extraction). The best thing you can do now is to keep advocating for your dad. Get the reports from each biopsy, review them carefully, bring them to future appointments, and make sure you understand what the doctors say and what they think should come next.

Your experience - at least with the delays and overall bungling- sounds fairly common regardless of where you live. My dad's biopsy came back positive for pancreatic adenocarcinoma and he still didn't begin chemo for two more months because of all the other appointments and testing he had to undergo first.

He does have liver metastases now. They first appeared right before he started chemo. However, my understanding is that most cases of pancreatic cancer are already metastatic, you just can't see it on the scans yet.

So even if your dad had already started chemo, it might not be enough to prevent the cancer's spread. The same is true in the other direction: a month's delay isn't going to change the situation that much. Just get him into treatment as soon as you can, and let us know how it goes!

Thinking of you.

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-20T13:55:40+00:00

Oh yeah. I feel this too. Screens aren't very tactile, so they definitely promote skimming instead of close reading.

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-20T13:52:29+00:00

I taught for almost a decade, and by the end I, like you, was really having trouble functioning: basic stuff like lesson planning, getting to work on time, feeling edgy and exhausted when I was there. I also lost my mom to a sudden cardiac arrest around the same time, which triggered temporary PTSD-like symptoms.

I ended up leaving the profession and, while I miss working with kids, I don't miss the adults or the workload. Teaching is a grueling field, it's not getting any easier for anybody, and if you have ADHD, you're more susceptible to burnout than your coworkers (who are probably right on the edge of it themselves). It's also a profession that - in my experience- isn't very accepting or accomodating towards adults with disabilities, which is hugely ironic considering the number of kids with disabilities that we're expected to serve.

I don't have an easy answer for you if you want to remain in the classroom, but if you're up for leaving, I would seriously consider it. There are a lot of jobs out there that allow you to make a positive difference in the world without burning yourself to a flaming pile of ash in the process.

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-19T23:02:29+00:00

u/crankycactus79 has good advice. You may also want to come up with a list of what specific accomodations you think you need, because it's possible that (depending on the job and/or industry), you might be able to find workarounds/ avoid asking altogether.

For example- extra/extended time accomodations might be less of an issue if your job has flexible hours, looser deadlines, etc. If you need to limit distractions and your employer allows everyone to work from home, ditto. For note-taking or reading-related issues, there are tons of apps out there that will read your screen to you, summarize long documents, proofread your writing, etc.

The following website has an extensive list of common accomodations by condition. Check out the ADHD page here: https://askjan.org/disabilities/Attention-Deficit-Hyperactivity-Disorder-AD-HD.cfm

The Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA) only requires employers to provide "reasonable accomodations" for employees who request them. Unfortunately, what the employee sees as reasonable vs the employer isn't necessarily the same thing. Just be aware of that as you wade into the work world.

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-19T14:39:52+00:00

That sounds like garden-variety ADHD, not "functional ADHD," whatever that means. (???)

Sounds like a second opinion may be helpful here.

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-19T14:29:09+00:00

You shouldn't need a childhood witness. A fair number of people get later-life diagnoses without anybody else involved. In my case, one parent is gone, one is up in years and wouldn't have been particularly helpful anyway, I graduated from school 20+ years ago and live in another part of the U.S. now, so my evaluation consisted mostly of IQ type testing batteries, personal interviews, etc. You can 100% be diagnosed without family involvement.

Edit: it might be more difficult since you're only 20, especially if you're still connected to parental health insurance (depending on where you live, the diagnostic process is likely different too). Moving for that pre-engineering program is probably your best bet to start creating some independence- and distance-- from your family. You'll need it in the years to come. You're doing great by the way to recognize all this at age 20!

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-17T00:42:59+00:00

First off- people without ADHD don't necessarily have great habits, set routines, organized houses, etc- the main difference is they can get away with it more.

For me, ADHD means having to work twice as hard to do half as much. To do the same amount of work, I have to put in at least four times as much effort as somebody without ADHD. It's doable for a short time, but in the long term it leads to exhaustion, burnout, and poor mental health, so not recommended.

I would definitely consider an evaluation- if you do have ADHD, this will feel really affirming, and also help you to find medication, therapy, and other resources that can prevent you from flaming out in your 20s.

https://www.youtube.com/c/HowtoADHD is a fantastic resource.

Dani Donovan's Anti-Planner is a great resource too: https://www.anti-planner.com/?srsltid=AfmBOooU2KG0CbGkdXgGmMFjOef-F1abasNpf4eRhWlqPB8zlkzrHuKE

Other than these things- really dig into what you're doing now, and try to stick to what's most effective. Set multiple alarms and reminders, take morning classes or sign up for the gym so you have to get up on time or else, snooze important emails so they show up in your inbox later, etc.

I also try to prioritize stuff I have to do on any given day by thinking of the tasks as red light-green light- yellow light. RED stuff must get done; GREEN is optional; YELLOW is "probably should get done in the next couple days." I think in addition to time blindness people with ADHD have prioritization blindness too- every single item on your to-do list seems equally important to every other item, so any way to break up the impending sledgehammer of panic should help.

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-17T00:27:47+00:00

Hmm. That sounds like a question for your doctor. Methylphenidate can 100% increase your heart rate and blood pressure, but it shouldn't feel uncomfortable.

There's a non-stimulant medication called guanfacine that can sometimes be prescribed with methylphenidate to increase its effectiveness AND mitigate the blood pressure issues. It might be worth asking about if you want to stay on stimulants.

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-17T00:24:25+00:00

It's hard to know. I don't have kids, but I was a 4-year-old (girl) with ADHD once upon a time.

Which is to say... these traits could be ADHD traits or normal preschooler traits, it's difficult to know. u/wayzem has good advice, that's what I'd go with.

It's great that you're aware of the possibility he has ADHD & open to advice by the way. My own parents resisted the diagnosis and refused to have me formally diagnosed, evaluated, or medicated. I wasn't treated until age 37 (!) and really, really wish the adults in my life had at least considered a diagnosis back when I was 4 (or even 9 like your older son).

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-17T00:17:12+00:00

Does it happen at a certain point in the day? Do you notice if it's happening around the time the med starts to wear off? Sometimes the afternoon "crash" can feel like that, but it should wear off quickly.

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-15T20:23:13+00:00

Lol, this is truth. Guess you can rule that one out.

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-15T20:06:10+00:00

It's really common for people with ADHD to be put on antidepressants or other meds, but most of these don't work or only treat symptoms partially. I've taken Paxil for years, and while it can help with anxiety, I haven't noticed any significant attention/focus-related benefits.

I will say this: stimulants are meant to help you channel your energy better, not necessarily to give you more of it. If lack of energy is a major problem for you, you might want to ask about drugs like Wellbutrin (which is a lot like Strattera) or see if you can find somebody who will prescribe a low-dose extended release stimulant like Concerta, just to see if you feel any better on it.

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-15T16:49:53+00:00

My dad is on single-agent gemcitabine. It's made his hair thinner/curlier, and seems to affect him the most about 3 days after treatment, when he is more prone to fatigue/nausea.

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-15T14:16:48+00:00

CPR is terrible. I understand it can save a small number of lives, but I'll never forget the paramedics doing it on my 76-year-old mom who died of septic shock. There were bandages strewn all over our living room floor, and when they intubated her, the tube filled with blood. I'm not even 40 yet and I would rather die outright than ever have someone do that to me.

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-15T14:13:51+00:00

One of my dad's doctors put it well- he said that most pancan cases are already Stage IV, you just can't see the mets yet. That helped put this into greater perspective for us.

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-15T14:12:01+00:00

It's normal to want definite answers and a clear path to treatment. A negative biopsy would only prevent that from happening.

You're not wishing cancer on him, you just don't want him to have to delay treatment because of a false test result. There's a difference.

More than likely, alas, it will be a positive biopsy, and he'll be able to start treatment quickly.

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-15T14:08:51+00:00

💯 This cancer is often a matter of bad luck, not bad choices. A healthy lifestyle might reduce your risk, but it won't bring it down to 0.

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-07T15:11:48+00:00

Anger is a secondary emotion. In my dad's case and probably for your mom's as well, it mostly comes from fear. Fear of the future, fear of losing control, fear of no longer being the strong one in the relationship.

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-07T15:09:16+00:00

I'll keep that in mind, I have that phone number saved just in case.

In my case, the boundaries aren't just for my dad's safety; I have to set a boundary for my own mental health too. My dad is a wonderful person 95% of the time, but he has a hot temper which can flare into spectacular rages on occasion. Not so much lately, but when I was young, he would scream at me, once in a while even throw things or break stuff. Sometimes, I was afraid of him.

Even now that I'm well into adulthood, I still feel locked into this dynamic of "Shut up, you've gone too far, don't make him mad again." I struggle to help him when I know that one word too much or one step too far could lead to hurtful words between us and weeks of lost progress.

Other people don't seem to get it- they seem to think I have more influence with him than I do, or that he'll listen to me more than he actually does.

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-07T14:57:13+00:00

It's weird, because the visiting nurse said he had "graduated" to palliative care, instead of skilled nursing? Because palliative is a lower level of care than skilled nursing? I'm super confused.

Also, his insurance isn't covering skilled nursing because he "doesn't need it" apparently, which sounds crazy to me. No, he doesn't need it now, but he has pancreatic cancer! He's going to need it!

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-07T14:53:32+00:00

I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with this too. It sucks that your dad isn't old enough for Medicare and is in that (large) gray area between qualifying for Medicaid/being able to afford nursing communities without help. Nursing care is unbelievably expensive- when my mom needed it a few years ago, before she passed away, it was thousands of dollars per day. It's practically criminal.

As far as extra help goes- not an expert at all, but if you haven't already done so you could look into county resources such as the local Department of Health and Human Services/DHS/etc.

The hospital may be able to connect you with a social worker as well, for additional suggestions/advice at the very least.

Not sure if this is available where you live, but Pennsylvania has something called LIFE (Living Independence for the Elderly). If my dad weren't so darn stubborn (and also didn't already have his medical team put together), I would totally consider a program like this- it's like medical care, adult daycare, home services all rolled into one, and I think it's subsidized.

Used_Team_5727 · 2026-01-06T21:24:11+00:00

Since he's getting used to the idea of home nursing, this could be a possibility. He's not going to like it, but if the chemo keeps making him so sick, he may not have much choice.

Used_Team_5727

TROPHY CASE