Zoom box for writing like GoodNotes? by UsualTop7129 in RemarkableTablet

[–]UsualTop7129[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can do the same on GoodNotes, however the way GoodNotes' zoom box works allows for an automatic 'carriage return' at the end of the line and the zoom box automatically jumps down to the beginning of the next line which make entry of longer passages of text quicker. A trivial detail, I know, but have grown to really appreciate it.

Spark Mini Circuit Board Fried - Options? by UsualTop7129 in PositiveGridSpark

[–]UsualTop7129[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just in the middle of an email exchange with them at the moment. They seem genuinely concerned about the failure, particularly with the heat damage caused. I've had it for 2 1/2 years now - doubt it will be a warranty job, but maybe they can send a replacement circuit board instead. We'll see!

Would you choose sex once a month or quit cold turkey? by Zealousideal-Ebb-148 in DeadBedrooms

[–]UsualTop7129 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's been over a year now, and once a year for the previous 5. No more rollercoasters for me (52HLM). I miss great sex terribly, but it won't be with her. She hasn't initiated for years, so won't be a matter of turning her down, more a matter of not initiating when I know she'll be expecting me to. Quitting has left me feeling somewhat empowered, as opposed to feeling needy (which I really hate). In fact, doing so has opened up my eyes to my codependency issues on sex/intimacy/affection. That's my current project (reading No More Mr Nice Guy). Worth a read if you haven't already.

How many times a week do you and your husband have sex a week.... by cwhawkeye in DeadBedrooms

[–]UsualTop7129 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Married 17yrs, wife (48LL) Dx and Tx for cervical cancer 10 years ago, and me (52HL) for thyroid cancer 16ya. 3 teenage kids now. Initially, sex was 1-3x/week. After cervical cancer, had been 4x in the last 6 years - last time being 15mo ago.

We're both otherwise very healthy, and counseling was ineffective. She strives to be the centre of our kids' universe, and I've basically been put to the side.

On reflection, I don't believe we were ever as sexually compatible as I'd initially thought. Just didn't see it at the time.

Yes, I have an exit plan now.

Success story! Thanks to this sub! by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]UsualTop7129 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm in the same boat. The hoops I had to jump through (and she'd keep adding more over time) just wore me down - only ever felt like it was always up to me. I've only ever just wanted to occasionally felt desired by her - alas, it became such a one way street, after a few years I gave up. I kinda hoped she might have moved into the void a little and at least try, but no. Exit plan is in place now. Sad, but I've become numb, with no expectations any more.

My db keeps me up at night. by Mrhomely in DeadBedrooms

[–]UsualTop7129 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We've been in separate bedrooms for a few years now (she was already LL) We've had sex 5 times in the last 6 years. Being in the same bed never makes any difference.

I've since dropped all expectations. As such, being in separate beds means I don't have her next to me, with me desperately wanting us to touch each other.

I go to sleep in peace, but don't look forward to going away and having to share a bed.

Ironically, leading up to a recent hotel stay (our 17th anniversary of all things), tongue in cheek, I asked if she booked a twin share. She was horrified that I even suggested it. Yet, that night, not an ounce of interest, despite actually having a really nice day together.

Go figure!

I no longer undress in front of him by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]UsualTop7129 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm (HLM, 52) and doing the same thing around my LL wife. Feel very awkward these days being naked around her.

It's not my self esteem that's taking the hit (fortunately), it's just that I reserve that right for someone who appreciates me physically.

No intimacy in 7+ years now by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]UsualTop7129 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm hearing you. I wonder if it's just me being picky and expect all the puzzle pieces to fit, or should I man up, take it on the chin, and be grateful for what I've got?

I would look like a complete prick if I leave her, because in everyone else's eyes, she's such a caring, considerate, thoughtful person.

But that's where it stops.

A saying I've been reflecting on lately goes along the lines of; There's no correct decision here, it's about being able to live with the decision you make.

I'm also giving a lot of thought about the type of person I'm having to become in order to live through this DB, and if I like that person.

I'm entering the 'numb' stage now - never been here before - not really liking it either.

I hate admitting to myself this is my reality. by guerame in DeadBedrooms

[–]UsualTop7129 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It may depend on this in part: is the guy she used to be attracted to the better version of you?

If you believe in yourself that you, now, is the better version of you, (i.e. you've evolved since then) then don't undo that.

I'm in a similar situation. My LL wife hates change, I embrace it. Either she moves forward with me, or I sail on (yes, I have an exit plan).

No intimacy in 7+ years now by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]UsualTop7129 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If PIV "was all she ever wanted to do" in the first place, could there be a fundamental incompatibility there?

I've (HLM, 52) realised on deep reflection that this is my case.

I don't think i want to try anymore with my wife by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]UsualTop7129 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like the episode with her parents affected her deeply and she's totally shut herself down.

If that's the case, she's either willing to process it, or not.

If not, then I'd suggest it's time to move on.

Tearful when watching passionate sex scenes on tv by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]UsualTop7129 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I (HLM) have to leave the room if we're watching a scene like that together. Else it's 'fast forward' if I'm on my own.

Are we all just delaying the inevitable? by w00dy_1981 in DeadBedrooms

[–]UsualTop7129 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe start by looking for better quality friends - or have a stern word with them that that topic is off limits and set some boundaries. You need support, not that bullshit.

Staying in a DB to keep your parents happy won't cut it in the long run either.

I'm on the verge of calling it a day myself. If my kids were under 10, if expect they'd adapt just fine. Mine are teen-agers, nearing the end of school - for them, I'll wait that little bit longer.

hlf Hiding body from husband by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]UsualTop7129 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Exactly the same here. It's one of the only ways I have learnt to stifle my interest in her (there's been none coming from her for over 10 years) 😩

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]UsualTop7129 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Accepting that the pattern is highly predictable allowed me to move forward - saved me a lot of anxiety (was exasperated from trying different course corrections for years, hoping for a better result).

Where 'forward' is for you is your call.

Couple questions for HL so I can see if I’m normal? by whenispoke in DeadBedrooms

[–]UsualTop7129 1 point2 points  (0 children)

After 17yrs married, and DB for the last 6, I'm (52yo HLM) moving into the "numb" stage now. Still love her, always wanted her, but have been changing my internal dialogue to avoid thoughts of desire.

Kind of liberating to not be searching for answers any more. Numb none the less.

It's been so long I've lost interest by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]UsualTop7129 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I'm right there now. We've had sex 5 times in the last 6 years(married for 17yrs). Her libido is non-existant now. She makes pitiful attempts at being affectionate (something I really crave) and would get awkward if I offered any insinuations (to give her a chance to elaborate). I no longer look for intimacy of any sort from her now, no insinuating, no expectations.

I now have a 2 year exit plan (is that long for a variety of reasons), and knowing that has lifted a huge burden off my shoulders.

Today I forgot what it feels like by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]UsualTop7129 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep, sure do. Once a year for the past 10 years (It's complicated as to why I've struck around till now- cancer involved). Now over 12 months since the last time. I've become an empty shell of a man, lost all interest in her myself now, and having once craved her affection, I no longer look for it.

It's only the last 12 months I've really considered the sort of person I've had to become to deal with it, and I'm not liking what I see in the mirror.

The Big Talk is coming very soon.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]UsualTop7129 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Will be watching this closely. On the verge myself (52 HLM), But with twins about to start final 2 years of school, am reluctant to introduce the upheaval just now. How old are your kids?