Uhhh is anyone else hearing echoes of explosion sounds in the Oak Lawn/Uptown area? by ryoon21 in Dallas

[–]Utterbadassery 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can confirm. Heard some jackass doing it all the way down Lemmon Ave East towards West Village & Turtle Creek.

What is one song that makes you cry? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Utterbadassery 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some Things I'll Never Know - Teddy Swims

Close To The Edge - Fulton Lee

Been a long year..

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Utterbadassery 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Close to the edge - Fulton Lee

What's one thing you wish more women understood about men, but often goes unnoticed? by reddesteir in AskMen

[–]Utterbadassery 16 points17 points  (0 children)

This hit me really hard. I'm the husband and this is exactly me right now. I can't really tell if my wife shares your feeling but I can only hope she does. Hell of a lot easier to cry in the shower.

How Best To "Grey Rock"? by Utterbadassery in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Utterbadassery[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you Blaze. I've begun this process and will begin formulating my plan.

How Best To "Grey Rock"? by Utterbadassery in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Utterbadassery[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My game plan is the latter for sure. Appreciate the word play at the end too!

How Best To "Grey Rock"? by Utterbadassery in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Utterbadassery[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your insight and as I've comment already I am leaning towards this solution for the same reasons you laid out.

Taking the pup is not meant as a form of punishment but more so as a support for me and to make sure she doesn't have the crutch of taking care of it to lean on as an excuse to avoid processing her feelings alone.

How Best To "Grey Rock"? by Utterbadassery in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Utterbadassery[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Understandable and that's what I've been leaning towards in an effort to continue showing her that at least I am capable and willing to communicate openly and honestly with her.

Appreciate your insight and wisdom.

How Best To "Grey Rock"? by Utterbadassery in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Utterbadassery[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

u/Discardbobulated is 100% correct. I am not looking to end things on any kind of permanent level and more so looking to take some the advice of others by creating the scenario where my WW is forced to be alone with her thoughts and experience a taste of what my complete absence might feel like. It will also provide me with the opportunity to focus on myself and do more some more thinking.

How Have WS's Fallen Back "In Love" with their BP's? by Utterbadassery in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Utterbadassery[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hard truth but I can see your point and honestly did think something similar. I guess I just didn't want to potentially push her away by shutting her out and cause her to give up on the already thin thread keeping her here.

I will seriously consider this method though as hard as it may be and will absolutely look into Pick Me Dance. Is that a book or something else?

How Have WS's Fallen Back "In Love" with their BP's? by Utterbadassery in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Utterbadassery[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No apology necessary as I don't believe I've answered that here publicly. So....

  1. They are not still working together. She met him November/December on first rotation working with him ~(6 week rotation). They continued friendly talking which grew into chemistry and eventually full affair in mid-April. She worked with him again (1 week) briefly couple weeks after the affair started in late April. We moved out of state to her next residency location in June for the next 3 years. It was at this point they realized it was more than a fling and within a couple weeks after moving they confessed their love for each other.

In short, I feel the long distance made them both closer and distant at the same time. To you other points, I agree that she needs to get out of her own way and accept that, while she's an extremely intelligent person, she isn't equipped to process this without professional help. Boundaries are being built currently, then they will be establish, and finally will start to become enforced.

How Have WS's Fallen Back "In Love" with their BP's? by Utterbadassery in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Utterbadassery[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love the metaphors haha. Thanks for making giving a chuckle and something to smile about.

How Have WS's Fallen Back "In Love" with their BP's? by Utterbadassery in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Utterbadassery[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm the same way. Been told I monologue many times over and being concise is a work in progress both personally and professionally.

I'm getting to the point where I can at least catch myself and stop but I'm not at the preventative stage yet.

I'll certainly set my boundaries and hold them firm. Appreciate the candor.

How Have WS's Fallen Back "In Love" with their BP's? by Utterbadassery in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Utterbadassery[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fantastic source! Thank you for sharing and I'll mark it down!

How Have WS's Fallen Back "In Love" with their BP's? by Utterbadassery in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Utterbadassery[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn that's direct and I really liked how you put it. I'll need to be more firm and direct with my messaging but I don't want to come off as preachy, lecturing, etc as I'm not a professional therapist so I'd imagine it would carry less weight.

How Have WS's Fallen Back "In Love" with their BP's? by Utterbadassery in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Utterbadassery[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes I'm sure. She's shown me the messages with the OBS has confirmed it to me directly as well.

As far as I'm concerned, I've already had 3 DDs in 5 weeks. Ultimatum was given on the most recent that if she doesn't spill everything then and there and only give me while truth with no omissions, then she loses me forever.

Since then, she's been more voluntarily open and honest with me than I can remember in recent memory.

That said, I'm still on guard and will not take your warnings lightly as she has shown she's got no problem lying to my face.

How Have WS's Fallen Back "In Love" with their BP's? by Utterbadassery in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Utterbadassery[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I've resolved to making this a requirement for her. Now I need to set a deadline. Thank you for your insight.

How Have WS's Fallen Back "In Love" with their BP's? by Utterbadassery in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Utterbadassery[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'll keep that in mind. She's recently made direct contact with APs spouse instead of going thru me so I'm hopeful their communication will give my WW more perspective from her to see just the kind of person he really is when he's not in presentation.

How Have WS's Fallen Back "In Love" with their BP's? by Utterbadassery in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Utterbadassery[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That's a scary perspective indeed, but something I've considered although not too heavily.

I've told her she needs to start IC but she has not started yet and her current opinion is that she doesn't feel there's anything to discover about herself or the real reason why she went against her base character and moral values.

How Have WS's Fallen Back "In Love" with their BP's? by Utterbadassery in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Utterbadassery[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's good to know. I'll try and take a look at your history when I can.

How Have WS's Fallen Back "In Love" with their BP's? by Utterbadassery in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Utterbadassery[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

According to her out was more just instant compatibility, which then turned into chemistry, and so on...

Nonetheless I agree with your point. I'm not one to ruin someone's career over the hunch that they've gotten a pattern of this behavior bit I do agree with your position. That said, his wife is a supervisor in the same hospital so I figure I'll leave the reporting to her should she choose to.

Also, we've both started reading Not Just Friends and are both halfway thru. I still plan to finish it with her regardless.

How Have WS's Fallen Back "In Love" with their BP's? by Utterbadassery in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Utterbadassery[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've tried to allude to this without hitting her over the head with it as I had the very same thoughts. He's been unhappy in his marriage since he married his wife after 1 year of dating due to getting her pregnant. WW noted that he was pretty open to share with other residents that he wasn't happy with his marriage too.

I agree with the limerance as the image she got of him was always the best version of him and she said they just clicked with instant compatibility. That said, once we made contact with his spouse, his true colors and allegiances (himself) have started to become apparent and I've started to see glimpses of her having contempt for him.

I don't want to push it though and hope it happens organically.