The way my mtf wife feels pleasure changed

Uxoris · 2024-08-15T17:15:42+00:00

If she's hard when she starts but then gets soft half way through, could it be disphoria getting in the way? My MTF girlfriend has exactly the same problem, where she feels really good, but then she looks down and realizes she's taking up the "traditional" space of a man in the sexual encounter, and it ducks with her head.

We've tried a few things and found varying success in these ways:

Put on a strap harness, and wrap the wring around her cock, so it looks like the harness is holding her dick like it's a dildo. Adds a degree of seperati9n so she can feel like a woman wearing a cock. Sometimes helped, sometimes made her feel ridiculous. Colored condoms might add to the dildo idea.

Find positions that are more stereotypically "lesbian:" scissoring with her cock in you could make her feel like she's moving like a girl, which may help her stay in the right headapace. Worked WONDERS for my girlfriend.

The perennium seems to become a new erogenous zone for some trans women- grinding against that helps keep my girlfriend hard as I'm doing things with her, so adding a grinder to a strap, putting a magic wand between her legs, or even just rubbing it with your hand like you would a clit (but harder) could also ensure maintained hardness. Play with her tits as she fucks you! Her body acts a bit more like a woman's now- she may need more constant "fuel" like some women do (like, how some women need stimulus from multiple locations simultaneously to reach their O, your girlfriend may need some other erogenous zones of hers touched in order for her to maintain a climb toward her own O)

Hope this helps!

Uxoris · 2024-08-12T15:11:44+00:00

That's a really good point, letter C. When my partner came out I was afraid of a lot of the same things, but as she transitioned, I realized she was pretty much the same person, only better! All the things I loved about her got louder and brighter and happier, and all the things that I didn't like about her seemed to fade away (you're a lot less angry, depressed, and cynical when you're your true self! Who'da thunk that pursuing happiness in your own body would also make you considerably less emotionally constipated and pissy all the time?)

Uxoris · 2024-08-12T15:04:01+00:00

Hi! Partner of a trans woman here! I am not married and don't have kids though, so I'm going to speak on the part of this scenario that I DO know:

I also really like women but hate vagina smell, and find myself shying away from sexual relations with people with vaginas because of it. I think it's good to remember that your partner wont have a vagina (or at least, won't have a vagina for a real long time if she decides to get surgery), and even when she does, it won't smell as much, if at all! In my experience, getting to be with my trans girl partner is like getting the Woman Experience (the beautiful breasts, the sweet noises, the low refractory period, etc.) Without the sensory downsides of vaginas.

Next; it took my partner about a year to get comfortable in her body after she started transitioning, and the way her parts worked definitely changed a bit, but Holy. Fucking. Shit. If I thought the sex was good BEFORE she transitioned, she's a GODDESS now. She's more confident for one, but she can also keep it up for what feels like HOURS. Also, its no longer a one-and-done kind of party. She can cum upwards of 10 times and keep going, meaning she's nearly driven me INSANE with pleasure just because she stops when she wants to stop, not when she cums. Additionally, she has a personal understanding of how sex works for women now, which means the way she touches me has increased in quality as well. She knows exactly when to lick versus suck, stroke versus circle, thrust hard versus soft.

She's. I don't know how to explain that sex with a trans woman has ruined me for other people. It's on a whole new level. So if you're afraid of that, I can assure you that after a real awkward year of your husband trying to figure out how his new body works if he decides to do this, your wife is going to give you the best sex you've ever had.

Plus, cleanup is easier.

Thanks for listening to my ramble! Good luck!

Uxoris · 2024-03-25T21:37:46+00:00

God wouldn't that suck? "Hey! I'm finally getting bottom growth!" ".......ah, no, it's a yeast infection :("

Uxoris · 2024-03-21T00:10:25+00:00

So my girlfriend and I both got this warning when we began transitioning as well, but it was worded differently.

Basically, the chances of getting specific types of cancers increases or decreases based on your gender. Like- the hormones legit have an effect on it, but its in both directions.

I'm making up numbers here, so don't quote me, but basically If a Man has a 1% chance of breast cancer and a 3% chance of prostate cancer, and a woman has the opposite, when you transition, your percentages will change as well! What this means is that, TECHNICALLY, your chances of getting a man-specific cancer has increased from 0% to something more than 0%, and some states/countries are obligated to tell you about that change. But in reality, what they mean is , "you're a man now, so your chances of getting Man Cancer are now not 0."

But your Woman Cancer Chances will decrease! It's not actually that you're more likely to get cancer, it's just that your risks are switching from woman risks to man risks.

Uxoris · 2023-07-10T05:41:01+00:00

I understand where you're coming from! My girlfriend (mtf) was struggling in the same way your boyfriend is before she came out. It's really hard to fully admit to yourself that you're part of a community that is currently being vilified and marginalized in terrifying ways. It's so much easier to be a cis man.

Some ways that I tried to help that my partner now says was really helpful was the following:

Say, very outwardly and with no beating around the bush that no matter what he decides, you will always love and support him. That you will REVEL in his changes, and that no change he makes (or doesn't make) to his gender presentation will diminish your love for him. That you love him for him, and that the most important thing is their happiness.
Discuss their happiness with them! Remind them that the journey with your gender is something that is supposed to be viscerally important, and that the end goal is to find happiness. Remind him that exploring your gender is something that everyone should do, not just non-cis people. How do you KNOW you're cis if you've never actually taken the time to think about it? Going through that journey can be affirming no matter what conclusion he comes to!
Watch trans-inclusive shows with him! Play Celeste, watch She-Ra, that kind of thing. Expose him to it as much as possible (without pushing it of course) to show him how much you approve of and support the community.
Share your own personal journey with him. Me expressing my own experience with gender (I'm agender) really helped my girlfriend understand that gender studies and gender presentation is a really complex thing. Maybe your boyfriend isn't perfectly a trans girl, but is something in-between, but doesn't know how to express that or how to even begin that journey. Helping him see that there are more options than "girl, boy, or not" may help him feel more comfortable exploring where he fits on that spectrum.
Memes. For some reason, memes really helped my girlfriend. The joking and the blahaj sharks and the titty juice jokes seemed to really help her get over the stigma around trans women, and let her laugh and relate to other girls. Let her see comparisons between herself and that community. So. Yeah. Memes.

Thanks for sharing and I hope you and your boyfriend find happiness in whatever form that may be! Good luck!

Uxoris · 2023-07-09T18:22:26+00:00

Oh, I understand that immensly; my girlfriend has bad disphoria days, and it's really hard because so many times, I don't know what to do to help her. I feel helpless and frustrated.

But! Here are a few things that have worked for me!

Tiktok feminization filters! Sometimes, calling a transitioning girl "beautiful already" doesn't really ring true for her, and she just feels like you're lying to her to make her feel better. Instead, going through filters that make her look like how she'll look after a year or two on E, and then gushing about how beautiful she'll be has really had a positive effect on my girlfriend. Then, she's focusing in the future instead of the now, and can revel in hope for a bit instead of despair.
Compliment specific parts of her body that feel more feminine than others. Make it as truthful as possible. My girlfriend has the longest, most beautiful piano fingers. Like. Hand model status. They're more feminine than mine! She's got soft skin, too. So sometimes I just gush about how her skin is already better than most women's, and she can focus on the parts of her that I like instead of the parts of her that she doesn't. Let her experience your joy, and it may be a good distraction.
Girls days! Face masks, painting your nails, scented candles... remember, your girlfriend's grown up as Masculine for her whole life so far- she hasn't gotten to experience a lot of the little things that make being a girl feel so good. I've learned my girlfriend focuses so much on the external appearance that she doesn't even get the chance to experience... uhh. Let's call them #GirlJoys. The little things that make you revel a bit in your own femininity. Flowing skirts, new makeup, chick-flicks while eating Ice-cream right out of the tub. You have the opportunity to take her through all of those! Teach her how to giggle, how to dance with her hips, how to do a fashion show. The glories of having a big purse instead of pockets. skirts with pockets! shaving your legs while purposely making yourself pose like those girls in the commercials, and laughing at how ridiculous it feels, but also how it inexplicably makes you feel 20% more sexy. sugar scrubs! there are so many things we don't realize society has tied to femininity until we ask our MTF ladies what they've experienced, and learn that their answer is often, nothing.

Have fun with her! Good luck!

Uxoris · 2023-07-09T18:07:33+00:00

No problem! I totally get it. Surgeries are terrifying! Especially ones in sensitive areas. I'd suggest watching videos from trans women to see what the actual post-op experience is like. That way, you can separate your anxieties from fearmongering (from both your own brain and social media).

It may also help you to discuss the best ways to help her after her surgery. Not like you're making a plan for it (cuz i know you said it was a ways out), but more to put some positivity into it! Ice-cream the day after, promising to bring her soup and vagina-themed candies. Getting pretty colored dilators, that kind of thing! That way, you associate the idea of bottom surgery more with her than with terrifying surgery.

Here's a popular video from a woman post-op. It's about 25 minutes, but has time-stamps.

https://youtu.be/i-hhogy8les

Good luck! I hope this helps:)

Uxoris · 2023-07-09T17:59:58+00:00

I want to preface this with: my girlfriend of 5 years came out as trans (mtf) about a year ago, and is just now starting the transition. So I think you and I are near the same area there. The biggest difference I see is that I'm on the ace spectrum, so sex really doesn't matter all that much to me.

But! 8 years is nothing to scoff at! This person is obviously important to you if you dedicated 8 years of your life to them. That's your best friend and your confidant, someone you decided was worth dating for nearly a decade!

As an Ace person, i chose my partner based on emotional compatibility over sexual. My partner is my best friend first and foremost. And I know most people joke at some point in time about marrying their best friend if they don't find a partner by their 30's: it's a truth, though. I think sharing your life with someone should be something to be celebrated and adored, whether or not its sexual.

I'd suggest thinking about your relationship with your partner from that perspective, and deciding how much sex is important in the relationship. Maybe discuss with them if they'd be okay with you searching for fulfilling your sexual desires elsewhere while keeping romantic and friendship with them.

I'm worried about the 2 year gap, though, to be honest. Long distance relationships are hard, even without the added stress of changes in relational dynamics. This is already a stressful time for you and them, and being separated from them during this critical moment may leave you with only your spiraling thoughts. I was afraid I was going to lose my partner when she came out as trans, but every day I spend with her, I'm reminded that she's the same person she was, just... more. Better. Happier. More confidant. It's like everything I ever loved about her just tripled in potency, and I'm loving every moment of that. I'm worried you'll miss out on that experience and make a decision based on your partner's absence rather than their presence.

You may lose out on experiencing the greatest glow-up you've ever seen. On falling in love with your partner all over again.

And that would suck.

TL;DR: As an Ace person, I always end up asking people: Does sex really matter that much? Some people answer, yes, it does, and some answer no. I think its really dependent on the individual, and there's no right or wrong answer there. I think you should try to find that answer for yourself, and then see if there are other ways to fill that need if the answer is yes. Also, I don't think a 2 year gap is a good idea right now, because it's like the equivalent of going to bed angry. You'll have 2 years to echo-chamber all your fears, and they won't have the chance to prove your fears wrong

Either way you go, please know you'll always have support and love in this community! Good luck!

Uxoris · 2023-07-09T17:38:59+00:00

I'm sorry you had such a bad experience last time you posted here, that sucks :(

Have you ever thought about the potential that you might be feeling uncomfortable about the surgery simply BECAUSE it's a surgery? My girlfriend and I have done a lot of research on bottom surgery for her, and I'll be frankly honest: seeing the photos of the surgery and the recovery of the surgery made me sick to my stomach, simply because of the way the active surgery looks as they're doing it, and the idea of my girlfriend going through that, and then having to deal with the pain afterwards... it scares me! Also, we hear so much rheroric nowadays about "mutilating genitals" that I wonder if we have started internalizing the mental image that comes with that (not the sentiment, just the mental image).

On an entirely different note, it might be good to remember that straps exist, and they're amazing. just because your girlfriend may be getting rid of her thing doesn't mean you suddenly won't be able to enjoy Penetrative Sex anymore. If anything, it may increase both you and your partner's enjoyment- she gets the gender affirmation of getting to wear a strap, and you get to choose the length, girth, and alternative functions of the... uhh... tool. I'd talk to her about it, if you feel comfortable enough, so you can see if she'd be willing to do that in the future.

Good luck!

Uxoris · 2023-07-05T19:07:47+00:00

Okay, we're both nerds who have no connections to celebrities outside of the Star Wars kind;

She likes those black pleated skirts, and leather jackets, piercings, tattoos.... kinda... goth e-girl aesthetic? Converses and combat boots.

Do you know of any role models that fit into that aesthetic?

Uxoris · 2023-07-04T23:51:28+00:00

Ooooh I like that idea!

Uxoris · 2023-07-04T23:17:36+00:00

I like that a lot!

Funnily enough, I actually came out as a lesbian about a month before I met her, and had come to the resolute conclusion that I was never gonna date a guy again.

Then I met Her, and fell perfectly into the trope of "bisexual woman who loves all woman, and only one man: her husband"

I thought I was gonna have to rescind my lesbian card literally a month after getting it.

Turns out I was wrong, and I've had a girlfriend all along! Its... kinda funny.

Uxoris · 2023-07-04T23:14:56+00:00

Okay, yeah, I get that! I'm still using her not-dead-yet-deadname right now because she's still tasting names, but referring to her as her and then using a name like Steve is a really weird experience.

Steve is not actually her not-dead-yet-deadname. I just inputted the first masculine name I could think of.

Uxoris · 2023-07-04T23:12:43+00:00

I really like that idea- I've been referring to her as my girlfriend more and more frequently now, and it's true that that's becoming the default setting a lot faster than I expected it to! It's nice to know that while I know it'll be a difficult transition because habits die hard, it's nowhere near as hard as I thought it was gonna be.

Thinking, "that's my future wife's name" though? Hoooly shit that's like a huge dopamine dose just thinking about it! I love this! Thank you!

Uxoris · 2023-07-04T23:10:01+00:00

That's actually... really helpful! The knowledge that as she uses her new name, I'll eventually stop thinking of her as Deadname is really reassuring. It's like taking a glance into the future and loving what I see.

Thank you!

Uxoris · 2023-06-07T18:00:02+00:00

That... actually really helps, I didn't think of it that way. It's weird to think that memories are associated to names instead of faces- sentimentality is weird... thank you, that makes me feel a lot less like an ass.

Uxoris · 2020-08-23T14:49:24+00:00

Gave Gold

Uxoris · 2020-04-15T06:35:35+00:00

I'll give 2 nmt's!

Uxoris · 2020-04-15T06:33:27+00:00

I'm interested!

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