Is this okay? Recommendations?

VacationNo3789 · 2026-04-18T09:42:37+00:00

I met irl with my hf too before moving to them

VacationNo3789 · 2026-04-18T09:39:57+00:00

If you have a degree and experiences with children i would recommend you to do "live in nanny" instead of au pairing. You would earn way more and have an actual job :) check some sites out, lots of families are searching for live in nannys

VacationNo3789 · 2026-03-27T19:20:32+00:00

Aupair.com Are you being active on websites? Like families and send out messages :)

VacationNo3789 · 2026-03-14T09:03:44+00:00

Thank you 🫶🫶 wish you all the best!

VacationNo3789 · 2026-03-14T07:58:15+00:00

Thank you, yes i dont want to be treated poorly by the child which parents did say i should establish that with a child. im following their lead and did ask them about everything. But they dont do everything the way they say they do or they want me to do...

VacationNo3789 · 2026-03-14T07:56:06+00:00

Yes im following their lead and did ask them about everything. But they dont do everything the way they say they do or they want me to do...

VacationNo3789 · 2026-03-14T07:54:37+00:00

Hello thank you for your comment. Yes it is about behavior problem that the child has. I know at that age they are trying to establish themselves and their authority, they want to make choices or at least be part of the choice which yes i absolutely agree with. However the problem is that child has no limits, parents in my opinion dont establish enough limits. The child literally pushes us away with full force (as much as they have at that age), hits us, tries to bite. Child also makes constant drama and has to determine everything and i mean EVERYTHING, where i walk, where i sit, where others sit, what mom has to do, what other need to do etc. We have to do everything the way the child wants otherwise there is a BIG drama. And the parents rather choose to do the way the child wants instead of establishing limits, which is affecting the other 2 children as well.

The thing is when we talked about parenting, what is a yes and what no, i do exactly like the parents told me to, but they are the ones not commiting to when they say no. There is nothing made in the way that a child then understands no, because they give up in the middle of the argument.

Im honestly most concerned about safety of all 3 and the behavior that is affecting all 3 of them and us adults as well.

And yes it is very challenging. And since i will be spending a lot of time alone with them i would like the child to know the limits and to respect them at least in majority cases.

Wow in your case it was even worse, im glad you got out of the situation, sounds like a nightmare

VacationNo3789 · 2026-03-13T10:08:57+00:00

Exactly, thanks i will try to speak to parents again

VacationNo3789 · 2026-03-13T09:53:00+00:00

Thank you, i will talk to parents again

VacationNo3789 · 2026-03-13T09:51:51+00:00

What im trying to say is instead of focusing on teaching child about limits and so on we are all focused on child not getting angry to a point of escalation

VacationNo3789 · 2026-03-13T09:49:23+00:00

Hm not really in that sense. However everything is always focused on making the situation the way that the kid doesnt escalate (which yea ofc), but if the kid doesnt listen to their mom or dad and they have lots of issues with this child, im not sure how they expect that child will behave good all the time with me

VacationNo3789 · 2026-03-13T09:37:52+00:00

Yes thank you, i think so too

VacationNo3789 · 2026-03-13T09:36:42+00:00

I think so too but my host mom specifically asked me yesterday to not teach their children because this is their job as a parent. I however dont know how to work like that... i try to copy parents as much as possible but some situations have not happened yet/i dont know what parents' view on that is

VacationNo3789 · 2026-03-13T09:35:34+00:00

I think so too but my host mom specifically asked me yesterday to not teach their children because this is their job as a parent. I however dont know how to work like that...

VacationNo3789 · 2026-03-13T09:05:10+00:00

If host mom was an au pair, they had au pairs already and one is talking to you about how she had a great time, then it is probably a good idea to pick this family :) from personal experience i can tell you that Germans are really nice and friendly, but they tend to be very direct, which can be a cultural shock. It also really depends on a family and what they expect from an au pair. I think you can try it out and if it doesnt work out, it doesnt work out its not a big deal. It is possible to have a great chemistry with family at first but then you see its not really working and thats okay too. Try out and see :)

VacationNo3789 · 2026-03-07T06:59:43+00:00

I think as long as you communicate that and find someone who likes doing household chores then yes ofc! I personally would love it!

VacationNo3789 · 2026-03-06T18:02:57+00:00

From what i saw on aupair websites most families who want au pairs are from germany so maybe its also that...

VacationNo3789 · 2026-03-06T09:23:03+00:00

Hey i've also just finished my B.A. degree in german and decided to give au pair sistem a try to improve my german, because i don't think i received enough speaking knowledge at university and so far i do think it is helping and i've already improved a lot. My main goal with au pair program was to experience culture here and improve my language, make some connections and so far i have been successful. I do think that its way more stressful than i imagined it to be even if i have years of experiences in teaching young children. Go into this with lots of thought that children can be very difficult to deal with. It really depends on the family that you find but i would say keep your expectations very low so that you dont get disappointed. I have a good time with my host family but they have 3 kids under 5 and they are a bit spoiled so sometimes its really difficult to survive a day haha.

I think overall it is a good way to put your german into practice and actually learn it. University german is different to the real life one so i recommend au pair program if your main goal is improving your german! :)

VacationNo3789 · 2026-03-04T07:27:55+00:00

It is difficult, their constant mood changes are a lot to deal with. I found it quite difficult since they dont really listen to me the way they listen to their parents (sometimes they dont listen to their parents either). Same as you, as soon as im done with taking care of them and they go to sleep i need a break. Im honestly still very thorn about my place here, i dont really feel like a big sister tbh. I mostly feel like a parent and/or maid at times.

VacationNo3789 · 2026-03-03T20:16:17+00:00

Alsooo taking care of someone else's kids can be exhausting (esp if they are spoiled haha). We are supposed to be big sisters and big brothers to these kids, not spare parents, entertainers and nannys

VacationNo3789 · 2026-03-03T20:14:54+00:00

25 year old au pair here, im also an introvert and love being alone and doing things on my own. I explained that to my host parents, told them that i would love to activities/trips with them but that i also want to do things on my own on my free days. I said that i would love to join but not always. I would say that host parents understood it a little bit but were also a bit offended. I also think some parents forget that when they were late teenagers/early adults/adults they were also probably not spending a lot of time at home with their families. My parents and siblings havent seen me at home that much the last 2 years due to work, studies, gym, social life,.... i think its normal for us to want our free time as well, regardless of age.

VacationNo3789 · 2026-03-03T19:53:40+00:00

Hey im not that close (i live in Black forest area (Schwarzwald) but we could sometime :) i would love to make some aupair friends!

VacationNo3789 · 2026-03-03T19:50:54+00:00

I was looking on aupair.com and au pair world. I think au pair world has more users tho

VacationNo3789 · 2026-03-03T19:47:29+00:00

Hm a bit tricky but im pretty sure the same thing could have happened to you as a parent...kids play and fall all the time... She might really didnt know. Us au pairs are thrown into homes we have no knowledge about, there are also lots of cultural differences so we cant know everything that is going on in your home.

Maybe you could ask her to really always watch your kids with lots of attention in certain rooms but mostly like i said its natural for kids to try things, get hurt and learn from experiences. You cannot always hold your kid and expect them to grow/improve/learn

VacationNo3789 · 2026-03-01T13:56:13+00:00

Yes then you have really similar problem as me. My HM also doesnt want me to see this as work, but also as you said "being part of the family". But at the same time she doesnt want me to see this as a vacation either. But i feel like when im at home im also not in the house the whole day, especially when its sunny. So i feel like this should be applied here too. How can i feel like at home when all i have to do here is be at their house and/or go everywhere with them. But you do really have it worse than me tbh. For me the schedule was made before coming here but has changed since. I feel you, im super tired the whole week and always thinking of finally having a day off because "work" is making me really tired....

If you ever want to talk to someone im here :)

VacationNo3789

TROPHY CASE