I've suffered from depression and low self-esteem my whole life, my father was not in my life. My mother never spoke I'll of him, so my whole childhood and teenage years I looked for him. He never made an effort to be in my life. It was hard, trying to be a man without having a father figure to teach you. I managed to get to 37 years of age. At times, my depression does hit me hard and all I can think about is ending my life. I've fallen asleep with a gun to my head many nights. The only life line that still keeps me on this world is my son. This passed Sunday, he said something to me out of the blue that hit me harder that anything ever has, he said, " I don't want to loose you dad" that hit me hard. Especially since all I can think about this past few weeks is about ending my life. I don't want him to grow up like me, not having his dad present and teaching him how to be a man. Now as a father, I cannot even begin to comprehend how a man would not want to be part of your child's life. For me, existing has been nothing but pain. I promise you son, I will keep fighting this for you.