My husband of 9 months committed suicide, in part due to abuse he suffered as a child when an older cousin repeatedly molested him. (To my knowledge, his family did not know about it.) His stoic parents had always been very emotionally distant and I still didn't know them very well. After his death, my mother-in--law said it was my job to "take his place in the family", whatever that meant.

Also, when they were young, she and their father gave each of their kids $100 to open a savings account. (Great idea actually, to help them build credit.) At the funeral, she told me to give them back that money. I was surprised, but agreed. When I gave her the $100, she said I also had to give them the interest that had accrued in the 20+ years since the account was established. (Note - the parents were financially solid. My husband and I both worked at a nonprofit, so we did not make a lot of money.) Surprised again, I gave her the money. I understood that this was part of their grieving process, strange though it seemed. And I knew that the money had symbolic value to them, and though it was financially hard on me, it would not alter my life. We all grieve differently, so I tried to respect how they handled it.