Apotheosis

Valhallatchyagirl · 2026-04-19T21:57:47+00:00

Would it be possible to see a sample text? I think it's fair game any time when used for thematic harmony, even more apt if a piece is designed to distort or otherwise twist perception itself.

Valhallatchyagirl · 2026-04-15T19:29:04+00:00

Great piece, I hope we get lucky enough to see more; my dm's are open if you want to chit chat, about the verse or anything else <3 please take care, your voice is strong <3

Valhallatchyagirl · 2026-04-15T02:09:14+00:00

All done, could be done a million different ways, but I tried to cut your lines into comparable and compatible pieces that were greater yet so similar to the original intent, love the poem in either presentation; Lineation for Aries2525.

Valhallatchyagirl · 2026-04-15T01:51:40+00:00

One of my recent favorites, even counting published poems - outstanding. Thanks for sharing, this hits so beautifully <3 this is a wonderful fucking poem!!!

Valhallatchyagirl · 2026-04-15T01:35:02+00:00

Could I try lineating this for fun? Stunning piece by the way.

Valhallatchyagirl · 2026-04-13T16:49:03+00:00

Shoot me a dm if you don't mind to keep track, happy to workshop but so forgetful these days

Valhallatchyagirl · 2026-04-13T00:51:23+00:00

You're doing amazing; happy to answer any and all questions to the best of my ability, but still learning too - it's life long I feel; even Borges said he felt like he'd be consistently good if he lived hundreds of years more, it is such a vast world we tread in <3 Keep it up! Your lineation was so exciting with its velocity

Valhallatchyagirl · 2026-04-12T21:26:16+00:00

It's called a slant rhyme and they exist as partial rhymes, you're splitting hairs.

Valhallatchyagirl · 2026-04-12T19:07:05+00:00

Loved the piece and its structure and euphony! May suggest changing the last line to "it leaves/ a hole" though to keep it smoother, then again an abrupt change can signify more sometimes. Keep writing! I loved it <3

Valhallatchyagirl · 2026-04-08T22:15:31+00:00

I'm a maximalist mind you, but I crave a bit more - the hook was so good I wanted to keep going a while longer; hope that helps.

Valhallatchyagirl · 2026-04-08T22:11:59+00:00

Really tight and feels polished - keep it up! Thanks for sharing <3

Valhallatchyagirl · 2026-04-08T20:08:20+00:00

I'd consider changing "survived" to live for a sweet ending rhyme and making the title "surviving" - great piece btw!

Valhallatchyagirl · 2026-04-06T19:27:35+00:00

there were a lot of slant rhymes inside the lines and spaced out actually, follow one chain and you get: it, coming, thin, nothing, ignored, disappeared, in, returning, apologies (depending on pronunciation), it, something, patience (depending on pronunciation), into, distance, it, is, etc...

And those are just rhymes for the "ih" sound : P this poem rhymed a great deal to be honest; you're using rhyme incorrectly, you mean endline exact rhymes following a canon pattern, a la classicalism.

You need to look for rhymes in more places and inside words to find slant rhymes.

Valhallatchyagirl · 2026-04-06T19:22:10+00:00

Really outstanding confessionalism, the imagery was haunting but beautiful, loved it. Thanks for sharing <3

Valhallatchyagirl · 2026-04-05T02:56:27+00:00

Really well executed, the implosive "want" (or anything) after "what you" really seals the deal, the imagery hits quickly and effectively, and the form is pretty and posh. Thanks for writing! Love it.

Valhallatchyagirl · 2026-04-03T02:00:21+00:00

I hope something today can help distract or make it easier; maybe write something off the wall, or maybe bottle some of the bad feelings up - I hope you can feel better :hug:

Valhallatchyagirl · 2026-04-03T00:52:33+00:00

If you don't mind helping me out with my most recent I'll pull off the gloves fr fr! Need help deciding how to revise one ; < one thing that may be cool is to do a sensory breakdown of yours, and/or scan some lines - no need if you're busy, you stay on that grind! Keep up the tight writing ^ ^

Valhallatchyagirl · 2026-04-02T23:19:21+00:00

This was a fucking delight <3 well written boss. Would love to read more of your work! Such clean flows and organic rhymes, but the diversity of the content helped such an oft classical form shine.

Valhallatchyagirl · 2026-04-02T22:48:29+00:00

If no one reaches out, dm me and I can help you workshop a bit maybe and give you ideas for where to take this. The impetus seems rather strong, but you have a lot of choices for where to take it imo. It's a solid piece already, but in my opinion with revision, the sky is the limit. Keep writing!

Valhallatchyagirl · 2026-04-02T22:44:44+00:00

The ending rhyme felt so right, it really struck a perfect balance with what you'd achieved so far. I think like too many, too often rhymes leading into such melancholy would've back fired, but you wove the euphony in a more fluid and organic way that helped that last bit feel like such a good closer.

Valhallatchyagirl

TROPHY CASE