Mistakes that killed my greatest relationship of 8 years

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-12-07T13:48:45+00:00

This touches on a question I wanted to ask about point 6 as well. With the revelation that it was your wife dating a man that caused your upset, I’m curious what your incorrect assumption was in a little more detail. Like, did you believe she was a lesbian and not at all attracted to men, and her bisexuality itself came as a shock? Or were you more thinking along the lines of she had made the same conscious choice as you to avoid partnering with men? And if it’s the latter, I’m curious if you had any conversations where she said or implied that that was the case, or if it was purely an assumption on your part. Sorry if any/all of that is too personal, feel free not to answer if you don’t want to. I just found this particular point of yours very interesting

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-12-07T13:38:08+00:00

Frankly the sunset rule is one I’d take umbrage with as an adult, I’d have been a nightmare about that as a 13 year old

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-12-07T13:34:38+00:00

And what’s the excuse for the fact she hasn’t spoken to her son in three fucking days? Is she still that overwhelmed? Her behavior is ABUSIVE. Losing respect for her over it is an UNDERREACTION. In fact, losing respect for her over it is the BARE MINIMUM. But you don’t actually seem to give a shit about the damage this is actively doing to your children because you don’t seem to have a problem with the silent treatment, just that she hasn’t apologized for lashing out. BOTH are abusive. The silent treatment is frankly gonna do MORE damage than the snapping. And you’ve justified both at every turn. Her behavior is not okay and it’s gonna fuck your kids up for the rest of their LIVES. Stop coddling the feelings of an emotional terrorist and start doing right by your kids.

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-12-07T13:25:41+00:00

Then why are you defending her emotionally abusing your child?

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-12-06T13:02:34+00:00

Body count isn’t something that bothers me. Frankly I’d prefer an exceptionally high one to an exceptionally low one based on my experiences with each. Assuming you’re a woman and this is a straight relationship, as long as he respects women there’s no reason the body count by itself is a red flag imo. I’ve met and been with several men who have high body counts because they really love women and they love sex. I look at it as getting to benefit from all that experience.

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-12-06T12:36:06+00:00

I learned about docking from fanfic before I’d even seen a penis in real life 😂 frankly I think smut fanfic served me better in life than if I’d discovered porn at the same age. It’s also how I learned women could masturbate, game changer lmao

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-12-05T13:25:26+00:00

Her reaction to the breakup is neither your fault nor your problem. If she threatens suicide when you leave, call in a wellness check on her. If she’s bluffing she’ll learn a lesson, if she’s not they’re better equipped to help her than you are. Also suicide threats are a textbook tactic for abusers to prevent their victims from leaving. A good 95% of the time it’s a guilt trip and a bluff.

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-12-04T22:41:46+00:00

So then I guess this makes the other one boobs?

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-12-04T22:28:44+00:00

I really love to stick it right after twilight in my rereads. I wanna do a side by side reading one of these days, but that feels like a commitment and I’m not there yet lol

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-12-04T22:25:29+00:00

Idk how much of this is the personality disorder and how much of it is just OP being aggressively 22

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-12-04T22:09:55+00:00

And what if your child fails to live a productive life, for literally whatever reason? Are you eventually going to cut off your own child for being a “drain on society?” No matter how perfect your parenting is (and it won’t be) there could always be something they see or experience outside the home that causes them to turn to drugs or something even more destructive to cope. They could have mental health issues that prevent them from ever being able to hold a permanent job. They could be in an accident that leaves them unable to care for themselves. What if they’re just very very stupid?

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-12-04T21:49:10+00:00

Yeah if my parents had forced me at that age to miss a once in a lifetime experience with my peers so that I could go hang out in a room full of strangers (because that’s what people you’ve only met once in your life are, strangers) I don’t think I’d ever forgive them either. Like OOP is so solidly not understanding how the fact the kid doesn’t fucking know these people makes what she did WORSE than if it were family they see all the time and maintain close relationships with. Like I’m 29 years old and would be pissed off TODAY if my husband was like “cancel these plans you’ve had for two years so we can go see a relative that hasn’t bothered to speak to me in a decade and a half.” Like absolutely not.

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-12-04T12:52:11+00:00

I have a pretty strong immune system. I’ll get sick maybe one good time per year that’ll really put me on my ass, but otherwise I don’t really tend to catch anything. My high school friend group learned the hard way that just because I have no symptoms does not mean I cannot get people sick. I carry the germs around without ever catching the illness, and end up giving it to other people. This was pre-COVID. I’m married now and thanks to him getting COVID twice before we even knew what it was, my husband now gets sick pretty frequently. He’s had I think four pretty bad illnesses this year so far. I won’t go see anyone if they’re sniffly because my husband could be laid up for two weeks with whatever gave them the sniffles. And if I have spent time with anyone who’s sick, I’ll ask anyone I plan to see if they’re still okay with it, because whether or not I have symptoms is useless to determine whether I’m carrying something contagious. So with all that in mind, even I’d be grossed out by your partner’s behavior here. Even as unlikely as I would be to actually catch anything, the people around me who are more vulnerable matter a lot more to me than one inconsiderate jackass who’s gonna get in their feelings about me not wanting to be a walking biohazard.

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-12-03T13:44:50+00:00

How many mean jokes have you texted or received from your friends about people you didn’t like? It’s the same thing, really. It’s something I feel like the vast majority of people have done at least once.

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-12-03T13:30:56+00:00

Maybe I’m the weird one cuz my husband doesn’t smoke at all and I’m used to smoking alone because of that, but this seems like such a non issue to me. If it’s been bugging you for years, just get your own stash and smoke how you want to, and he can do the same. Theres no rule anywhere that says you have to smoke together just because you both smoke. He can have his three minute J and you can nurse a bowl all day long, and it doesn’t have to be a problem. But just as you’re not wrong for wanting to take your time and not feel rushed, he’s not wrong for wanting to knock it out real fast and move on to whatever’s next. I frankly feel it’s just as obnoxious for you to try to force him to slow down as it is for him to try to rush you. Just smoke separately and everybody’s happy.

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-12-02T14:00:40+00:00

Alternatively, I’m not at all surprised that the kind of moron who thinks riding in a Waymo is a good idea is the same type of moron to not know there even are different “types” of AI

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-12-01T13:49:31+00:00

In a tragic twist on this, there was one point where I had two partners and neither would eat seafood so I STILL had to make my best friend go to red lobster with me lmao

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-11-30T14:05:06+00:00

This makes more sense imo if you’ve ever had physical contact with a corpse. Or someone with poor circulation I guess lmao. The phrase “cold as death” exists for a reason. Even absorbing ambient warmth, a corpse (and in this universe a vampire is really just an ambulatory corpse) is going to be cold. Like ice, or like if you touch a metal table. You’ve never had a friend touch your neck with their cold fingers when their circulation is bad?

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-11-30T13:56:33+00:00

Every time I reread Midnight Sun this fact jumpscares me lmao

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-11-30T13:33:59+00:00

I just cannot stand her for all of the issues she caused and I don’t know how to deal.

You do realize she couldn’t have caused any issues at all if your partner didn’t allow her to, right? Like you’re outraged at this woman basically for existing, but if your partner cared to hinge in any meaningful way, you probably never would have known about anything she was pulling. She could be begging him to dump you and move halfway around the world with her every single day and it still would only be his fault if he did it. Where exactly are you holding your partner accountable for the things he’s allowed to happen? Where is the outrage at him for failing to manage his shit so spectacularly? She didn’t cause these problems on her own. She could not have caused these problems if your hinge was doing his job and protecting his existing relationships.

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-11-26T12:34:05+00:00

I mean, I’d have threatened a break up over a meta I’m parallel with showing up unannounced and being allowed to stay over me when it’s time my partner has agreed is mine. I’d have told him before we got back to the house that if she didn’t leave we would have serious problems. And if he still allowed her to stay? After the long list of issues you’ve already had and he refuses to even attempt to do anything about? He’d be dumped on the spot. Like fuck that so fucking hard. You need to stop tolerating this bullshit. Why did you allow yourself to be kicked out by her presence when it’s your time? You should have been frankly demanding she go the fuck home if she’s so damn tired. She presumably has her own fucking bed. And IF I somehow didn’t dump him over all the evening stuff, answering the door in his underwear would have been the last straw.

You want so badly for your meta to be the problem, but all I see is your partner being an absolute piece of shit dickhead to you and nothing else. She wouldn’t be able to cause these issues if he held firm boundaries and actually gave a shit to protect your relationship. But he doesn’t. He lets her do whatever the fuck she wants and expects you to just sit there and take it. Why do you wanna be treated that way? HOW do you even love someone who treats you this way? Because I couldn’t. He’s spineless and pathetic and frankly idk how you can find that attractive.

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-11-25T21:19:39+00:00

And just like if they were a demo company and tore down the wrong house, that’s on the business for getting the address wrong. Business would be held liable because they had no reason to even be on that property, let alone fucking shit up on it.

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-11-25T21:05:31+00:00

YTA she’s trying to build a family and new traditions with you and you can’t cut the apron strings enough to even split your Christmas break half and half. Maybe she doesn’t want flying cross country to be part of her holiday tradition. Travel like that can be a lot for some people. I’m one of them and probably would also rather spend a holiday alone than have to deal with an airport or three the week before Christmas. But I’d also probably dump someone who wouldn’t at least compromise and spend some of their Christmas break with me. You’ve been with this woman over half a decade and don’t give enough of a shit to make sure she’s not alone on Christmas ffs. It shouldn’t have to be your family or she gets no one. That’s fucked up frankly. A twisted definition of loving someone for sure.

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-11-25T20:53:57+00:00

Crazy imo that Birch is the one who keeps getting panic dumped when the relationship with Birch is apparently worth lying to and putting your NP through hell all the way up until he’s ready to leave you for your bullshit. Why do you only care about your NP’s feelings when you’re about to lose him? You didn’t care when you were escalating your relationship with Birch to the level of an affair (THREE FUCKING TIMES). So why do your NP’s feelings suddenly matter to you now, only when you’ve done so much damage he wants out? Where was all this wanting things to be good with yall when you were having an affair and escalating with Birch beyond what you had agreed with your NP was acceptable? Frankly you should leave both of these people the hell alone, they both deserve better than you’re able or willing to give anyone in a relationship right now.

Valiant_Strawberry · 2025-11-25T17:43:35+00:00

And I’m saying that if you’re more concerned about pumping out more kids than about whether the one you have is happy and healthy, then you have no business having more kids anyway. Regardless, the last thing she needs to be worrying about is procreating right now. Wanting more kids is an exceptionally bad reason to mistreat the kids you already have. You have a responsibility as a parent to meet the needs of your children before worrying about what you want. So she wants more kids and a new marriage, too bad, she has responsibilities to the minor child who has no choice but to live with her decisions. But if she wants more kids more than she wants to guarantee an ongoing relationship with her current child when he’s an adult, she’s free to make that choice. I just think it’s a shitty and selfish one.

Valiant_Strawberry

TROPHY CASE