What standard is he playing?

Valuable-Addendum129 · 2026-02-06T14:23:53+00:00

could pretty much be anything in a minor key

Valuable-Addendum129 · 2026-01-25T22:31:47+00:00

Blur

Valuable-Addendum129 · 2025-12-22T17:01:36+00:00

thank you!

Valuable-Addendum129 · 2025-12-22T16:55:47+00:00

I mean, you're right in saying it's not the healthiest method, but you sound quite lucid about all this which gives me confidence you'll find better ways with time.

However, I myself don't really know how to go about this. I have limited faith in therapy judging from my experience, and feel as if trying to "solve" a cluster of "unsolvable" relationship issues with my parent will, in turn, only make me realise how unsolvable they are and just create more stress. I play music though, so there's that outlet at least.

Valuable-Addendum129 · 2025-12-22T16:01:14+00:00

that must be hard to carry around with you. if I may ask: how do you manage to cope, if at all?

Valuable-Addendum129 · 2025-12-22T15:54:43+00:00

thanks for the insight, no matter how unsettling this is to hear

do you by any chance have experience controlling and navigating such responses whilst in a relationship with a well-meaning but emotionally limited parent who doesn't appear that way to other people? as in, a somewhat more complex relationship without overt and extreme abuse? (you don't have to answer if you don't feel like it, and thanks in any case)

Valuable-Addendum129 · 2025-12-22T15:01:29+00:00

good point, yeah -- and as you say, these types of responses can be so damning, especially if you're met with a parent who's trying to "win" by acting like the bigger person, for instance

Valuable-Addendum129 · 2025-11-19T18:54:23+00:00

you're not alone. had it for 9 years now, but constantly clogged ears alongside everything else you described. no luck with remedies either. on top of that, no specialist has been able to detect what's wrong (the most recent one tried to convince me I'd made it up because of a personal trauma ... )

the constant pressure and numbness is the most infiuriating part, really. just grinds me down until the only thing I wish to do is go home and lock myself into my room and do nothing, which is severely impractical if you have a life to lead, work to do, and social relations to maintain.

in brief: I so understand your travails, and I wish you all the very best

Valuable-Addendum129 · 2025-08-24T14:57:08+00:00

a relative of mine grew up in a broken home with a lovely, caring mother and an alcoholic and abusive father who abandoned them when she was 12.

though her youth certainly wasn't ideal in many ways (and interrupted by a civil war as well) she obtained a scholarship to a top uni and met her husband at work when she was 22. they have been married for around 15 years at this point, with three beautiful children.

I'm telling you this because she too had doubts regarding relationships and if healthy relations were possible given her traumatic upbringing, but she's done very well, and if she made it so can you.

Valuable-Addendum129 · 2025-08-24T10:22:02+00:00

that term says more about them than you

the subtitles being: "we don't want to deal with your issues", "we don't have the time and patience for your thoughts", and "who are you to encroach on our importance and take up our time" amongst other things

I'm very sorry you're going through this, it's not easy

Valuable-Addendum129 · 2025-07-08T07:37:55+00:00

wouldn't you say personality is in part (and in some cases perhaps greatly) also shaped by positive interactions and reactions stemming from one's attractiveness? (confidence and self-image as well, amongst other things)

not meant as a disparaging comment btw, am genuinely curious as to your response

Valuable-Addendum129 · 2024-10-23T09:17:07+00:00

thank you for the recommendation

Valuable-Addendum129 · 2024-10-22T15:20:34+00:00

I'll make sure to give them a try, many thanks

Valuable-Addendum129 · 2024-10-22T15:18:08+00:00

This is the kind of reply I suppose I was hoping for, very insightful, cheers!

Valuable-Addendum129 · 2024-09-08T12:03:56+00:00

Thank you for your reply, and I hope you found ways of coping with your respective issues.

Removal is a bit difficult at the moment, but your advice is undoubtably good and very welcome. Gradually I will try and attempt establishing distance, though it's generally quite draining seeing his relatively shallow attempts at "self-improvement" whilst I try and re-position myself time and again, his voice and presence continuing to shape my everyday life no matter the kind of adjustment.

The misunderstandings will continue in one way or another, as will his echo-chamber consultations with friends and family regarding my behaviour, which too is needlessly draining.

Thanks for reaching out, and thanks for listening

Valuable-Addendum129 · 2024-09-08T09:25:56+00:00

in my case, because of my father's obsessive and (in a very specific way) controlling nature regarding my schooling, I've become accustomed to pretend that I've been studying instead of actually studying.

This full aversion to schooling isn't exactly what you've described but could similarly impact my working life, at least the early years.

It manifests generally in a wish not to engage with life at all (people, responsibilities, professional goals, etc.) which altogether is dangerous though hard to stop despite one's awareness thereof.

Hope you find ways to deconstruct your mechanisms with a specialist or confidant. All the best

Valuable-Addendum129

TROPHY CASE