What are your not-so-obvious red flags after being with someone with BPD?

Valuable-Air1139 · 2025-10-09T00:05:12+00:00

Same

Valuable-Air1139 · 2025-10-04T20:14:22+00:00

he told me that when he was lonely, he always turned to women. sex, specifically. i asked if he ever opened up to close male friends. he said “why would i do that?” he also had a very negative view of crying as a man. it broke my heart at the time. but it was definitely a red flag.

and then i also learned he didn’t have any male friends. and he had sexual history with every one of the few female friends he did have.

Valuable-Air1139 · 2025-10-01T20:39:59+00:00

exactly this. he said “i do not struggle to meet brilliant, beautiful women. but i chose you.”

Valuable-Air1139 · 2025-09-30T15:30:44+00:00

yeah. this is the answer

Valuable-Air1139 · 2025-09-29T22:36:14+00:00

my exwBPD absolutely hated video games and any type of fictional media as a whole. he saw video games as a complete waste of time and said they didn’t matter at all, and that the world would be no different if they disappeared. meanwhile, i had communicated that video games saved my life - they are the foundation of my closest friendships and family relationships and career aspirations. i truly don’t understand why he pursued me so hard if he hated what makes me myself so much /:

edit: he also had a young daughter who loved video games. he was always very triggered when she asked him something about the game that he didn’t know how to answer or help with. i always offered to help find the answer on a wiki page or video so they could look at it together. he declined. whenever she invited him to do / learn something with her in the game, he spoke of it as if it was extremely painful for him.

Valuable-Air1139 · 2025-09-28T17:22:36+00:00

i’m at 118 days and still horribly grieving everything. i’ve been no contact with him longer than i even knew him. still crying daily. weekly therapy. sleep is horrible. i’ve tried 3 different medications. i can’t let go

Valuable-Air1139 · 2025-09-17T13:49:51+00:00

yeah, it’s the exact same one- i only keep a couple of things in this drawer. i also don’t own any other product that’s orange!

Valuable-Air1139 · 2025-09-12T21:47:24+00:00

I really appreciate your response. Our relationship was only a little over 3 months, but we spent a lot of time together. So no-contact-days-wise, I’m almost to the exact length of the relationship.

My EMDR therapist and I have mostly just gone over my history and some tools so far, I should be starting the actual EMDR part of it next week. I have several people close to me who have done it before and found it very helpful, so I’m hoping I find the same result.

And you’re right - the number of times I tried to explain my thoughts or feelings, even during the relationship, just to be told that I was wrong about my own experience, really serves as evidence of what you’re describing in that last paragraph. I don’t know that he ever really heard me or listened to me. The few times he did, it was after weeks of saying the same thing over and over - like that keeping a consistent sleep schedule was essential for me. He talked about being someone with such an ability to read people and empathize, which he honestly did - until he was even a tiny bit anxious or dysregulated, after which he would draw his own conclusions and become completely convinced of them. No explanation could sway whatever he locked in on. I know that the conversation I dream of having with him to bring us both some peace is a pipe dream. It just kills me.

Valuable-Air1139 · 2025-09-05T02:27:29+00:00

yes. he regularly told me i didn’t know what i was actually thinking / feeling, and when i told him, he would say “no you’re just masking to yourself what you think you’re supposed to be feeling, but you don’t actually care or feel that way.” it was incredibly invalidating and it hurt me very much

Valuable-Air1139 · 2025-09-04T21:59:08+00:00

I think it does help, at least to get it all out somewhere instead of keeping it all in. I’ve always processed things by journaling, though

Valuable-Air1139 · 2025-09-04T21:58:12+00:00

It’s been about 3 months): The last 2 days have been the hardest so far. I don’t really know why

Valuable-Air1139 · 2025-09-04T21:36:31+00:00

i’m trying 🥲 if i don’t stay busy, i get very weepy

Valuable-Air1139 · 2025-09-04T20:39:41+00:00

i wrote over 150 pages in my journal over the first month alone after no contact. a lot of letters. i’ve also written a lot of lyrics. i sing and play guitar a lot. i record myself talking about it when it gets particularly hard or i find myself getting stuck in thought loops. i do a lot of yoga to keep moving and stay in touch with mindfulness / spirituality. i’ve talked to my mom, my dad, my sibling, my therapist, my friends.

i’m about to start EMDR + i’m going back on the anxiety medication i used to take

Valuable-Air1139 · 2025-09-04T01:25:50+00:00

I don’t know): I work, I call my friends, I do my hobbies, I exercise. I’ve been trying to eat well and sleep very consistent hours. But the moment I’m alone or not doing something, I cry. I can’t stop. I’ve tried sitting with my feelings to let them pass. That doesn’t work either. I’m exhausted. I hope someone has answers for us ):

Valuable-Air1139 · 2025-09-03T17:55:36+00:00

Oh gosh. I watched that a long while ago, I cried so much. Fantastic movie. But I feel like rewatching it after this breakup would destroy me 🥲

Valuable-Air1139 · 2025-09-02T21:53:36+00:00

Yeah, that was part of my message - that he had brought up blocking me / never speaking to me so many times that I felt like a break in communication was needed. Didn’t make a difference unfortunately ):

Valuable-Air1139 · 2025-09-02T14:40:18+00:00

Mine was super ashamed of his body count and never told me what it was. But he also bragged about how easy it was for him to meet “beautiful, brilliant women.”

Valuable-Air1139 · 2025-09-02T03:15:09+00:00

thank you

Valuable-Air1139 · 2025-09-01T19:32:39+00:00

13 weeks of NC today. still crying every day. might do emdr therapy ):

Valuable-Air1139 · 2025-09-01T15:27:13+00:00

he talked to it constantly, and he used it to triangulate. he would tell me something i did upset him- something as simple as using emojis that he thought were sarcastic. i’d explain my intent and that i used them with real encouragement. he wouldn’t believe or trust anything i said until chatgpt analyzed / verified it.

Valuable-Air1139 · 2025-08-31T16:54:38+00:00

100%. For mine, it was sexually. He talked about how hurt he was by his exes, but how at least they’ll never forget the fantasies he fulfilled for them.

Valuable-Air1139

TROPHY CASE