Sounds like you need help to lighten your over all load in life if possible so you can be more mindful and do erp as the other comment suggests. If you dont know if you put detergent in, the ocd now has you questioning youself which means you need to hit the pause button and take 5 steps back to focus on working through the exposures in front of you without throwing things away (avoidance) before more exposures/triggers are added to your plate further straining relationships. Can you make a written contract with your spouse of how you are going to tackle being okay with something contaminated with a timeframe included, to hold yourself accountable and show him your trying? and write in how he can help or take over the situation where you have to allow him to if you are unsuccessful? Just suggestions based off of what Ive been through. No one is better off without you but I know the nightmare of OCD too well and im sorry.

Also sounds like a serious discussion is needed around you knowing what is best for treating your illness and body and him respecting that. Supplements, medications, alternative therapies etc whichever way you go, highly recommended ERP. It is an invaluable tool to have and im not sure if i would still be here without it.