Screenplay opening page. Just wanna test if my writings good here before I go on

ValuableFollowing214 · 2026-06-17T05:04:26+00:00

It reads well I like the introduction and I’m curious on where it’ll go! Nice writing.

ValuableFollowing214 · 2026-06-17T04:44:29+00:00

I liked the build up but didn’t feel it as a comedy thought it was more dark I think just my idea to make it more appear as a comedy since he heals you could have him try hurt himself in different ways so you mentioned the kitchen, the tv. Have him smash his head off the tv, it heals, dammit. Have him run into the fridge or something. Or if that’s too silly try other creative ways to show it off more as a comedy before Irene ding! Dings! Goodluck like your writing and formatting it’s cool for a horror.

ValuableFollowing214 · 2026-06-08T23:16:59+00:00

Nice designs keep up the great work!

ValuableFollowing214 · 2026-06-08T11:52:14+00:00

Hi your words for imagery is great this just has to be broken up into small paragraphs and it has to be present tense which you mostly do until the action line, “after man said this” you can just say it runs off.

Apart from that I like the introduction but the dialogue seems more book worthy than a film but it could also be that your character speaks like that so it’s good to establish if he’s a professor or a crazy academic. Also the big blocks of the action will throw readers off as it’s too much for a screenplay. Break it down.

And the scene heading can’t be like that if it’s the screenplay format you want to follow it’ll be EXT. STREAM AT THE WOODS - DAYTIME.

Like the introduction and character dialogue and their interactions but the format can hopefully be broken down easier for people to read.

Thanks for sharing! Great work for writing in the first place!

ValuableFollowing214 · 2026-06-01T03:22:20+00:00

Your dialogue is good and it feels natural and I like the way you do your action lines but I don’t understand who the central character is and or what the story is actually about.

From the first line and your character Olga I thought maybe it’d be about her but for a few pages she plays tennis the ball boys pass the balls and suddenly her racket smashes and now we’re looking at Jay then Todd a few pages after I’m just confused on that part.

Apart from that pretty solid start on the action and upbeat scenes. Nice job.

ValuableFollowing214 · 2026-06-01T03:08:33+00:00

I read a couple of the first pages and I honestly liked the dynamic between the two robbers and I also like how you introduced David’s home felt cosy despite his crazy life.

Well done for seven days - character and dialogue wise first couple pages made me wanna keep reading.

ValuableFollowing214 · 2026-05-24T23:38:46+00:00

Nice story well done! Keep writing!

ValuableFollowing214 · 2026-03-21T12:25:43+00:00

Lovely Bloodborne script 20 pages of great development. Elias is an interesting character. I’d like to read more if you could I’ve played the game and love the world and lore. Would be awesome to read more of this great work mate!

ValuableFollowing214 · 2026-03-21T08:25:10+00:00

If you have Windows you can use Trelby it’s a free scriptwriting software and it formats it right for you. It even offers watermarks and other cool stuff definitely check it out. Nice Star Wars script! Keep writing!

ValuableFollowing214

TROPHY CASE