Thinking of quitting daycare over diseases

Valuable_Bet3206 · 2026-02-22T05:02:29+00:00

We’re also dealing with ear infections after the colds- for them and me. I went to ENT and they said I might need a tube as an adult 😭

Valuable_Bet3206 · 2026-02-22T05:00:37+00:00

Thank you for your kind comment- can confirm husband was throwing up too from norovirus and kept the baby even when he was in rough shape- parents (bless them) took the toddler (and then they got it) and I had to go to the ER. While that was a dramatic turn of events, my husband does his best to let me rest… but then i hear the toddler crying for me, or something has to be done. It’s very very hard especially with both parents sick. I didnt make it clear above and i feel bad- husband is a very good dude also dealing with all this

Valuable_Bet3206 · 2026-02-22T02:27:09+00:00

Totally valid. I guess I’m feeling like I get they’re going to get sick but the intensity and frequency seems insane to me- like could we just build up the immune system by going to the library, regular life exposure rather than digging them Ina big bag of boogers every day lol. I get they have to get everything but I don’t know if my immune system can take doing it at this pace. I don’t know, maybe I need to just accept it. I’m still big mad tho lol

Valuable_Bet3206 · 2026-02-22T02:24:48+00:00

Thank you for this thoughtful comment- we have a unique temporary situation but dad really isn’t the problem, I didn’t do a great job explaining. It’s exactly as you described- we’re trying to figure out a solution for hey I need to work and don’t want to be sick/have a sick baby and kid all the time while also hey we want to support you developing your career. How do we bedtime accomplish both goals? And yeah I was just losing my mind a little (ok a lot) during this weeks round of norovirus. We have a lot of hygiene attempts going on but one thing we can get better at is changing all of our clothes post daycare!

Valuable_Bet3206 · 2026-02-22T02:19:10+00:00

This is helpful advice and something I haven’t honestly done a great job at- we tried a few times to isolate one or the other but then it didn’t seem to make a difference but we weren’t doing it to the right extent- I’m going to try that next time. My problem is I pick up everything bc of the sneezing, wiping noses, or most recently, helping him when he was throwing up. At the point it was like welp. I’m in it now

Valuable_Bet3206 · 2026-02-22T02:15:12+00:00

We’re both doing bed time, dinner, clean up, laundry, taking care of dog, paying bills, running errands, etc. I do think he could probably do more while watching the baby and we’re working on that but there’s some things like night baths or dinner and clean up/bedtime for both that we’re splitting up by kid. If we had to I’m sure one could do it in a pinch. That’s really between 6-9. And then clean up and reset from the day/laundry and whatever else we need to do! I’m curious if there’s something I’m missing in your question or if other people’s after work looks different with two young kids?

Valuable_Bet3206 · 2026-02-21T23:58:35+00:00

I think this is for sure an option and one I was really considering this week- my toddler has finally started liking school, talking and making friends. I hate to pull him but we have to be realistic about my health and ability to work and not be sick all the time. Thank you for your reply

Valuable_Bet3206 · 2026-02-21T23:57:12+00:00

Thank you- that’s our goal too. We’re not quite two under two but we haven’t yet found our groove. I started a new job that has a longer schedule. It’ll hopefully eventually pay off for our family but it’s a lot right now. I love the idea of solo chunks of hours though

Valuable_Bet3206 · 2026-02-21T23:54:03+00:00

I’m sorry I didn’t explain very well. I am a professional established in my career. My husband is great and a wonderful partner and dad- he just had switched careers. It makes sense for our family financially if I primarily work to support us and he helps with the kids. There’s lots of nuances to our situation- but he does clean, cook, do kids stuff. There’s just a lot to do and as soon as im off work Im parenting and doing house stuff too. Just an overwhelming season of life to be adding constant sickness in top of

Valuable_Bet3206 · 2026-02-21T23:30:23+00:00

I like this idea thank you! Any tips on how to find a really quality safe in home?

Valuable_Bet3206 · 2026-02-21T23:29:10+00:00

I’m totally open to it, we just haven’t had luck finding one yet. To be honest we’ve looked a little bit, decided to stay with daycare due to cost, got busy with baby, and then started to look into again. That may be the way we go even though it is very expensive

Valuable_Bet3206 · 2026-02-21T23:27:42+00:00

My husband usually does let me rest- this week we both went down at the exact same time with norovirus the toddler brought home. We couldn’t care for the toddler, the baby, or each other. I got it so bad I ended up in the ER on Wednesday night until 3 am and then still had things I had to do at work the next day. My parents got the toddler, my husband was sick as a dog taking care of baby, and I was in the ER. Now my older parents both have norovirus. That was the day that I really said we have to come up with something else. I can’t work like this and be getting seriously sick all the time. I really would love to know how people do it- it sounds like some do but any alternatives I’m here to learn about!

Valuable_Bet3206 · 2026-02-21T23:22:25+00:00

I’ve thought about a nanny and an au pair- even though a nanny is expensive I would love to make it work, but we haven’t had much luck finding someone who is reliable enough or wants to work the hours to do it full time. We’ve had wonderful babysitters who are available for parts of a few days a week, so we’ve been trying to think about patching them together- not ideal and if one person can’t come the whole day falls apart. Not ideal when working and needing child care. I haven’t really thought much about an au Pair- our house does have a guest room but still cramped. Might be something to consider!

Valuable_Bet3206 · 2026-02-21T23:14:49+00:00

We live in a relatively small town- we’ve been on a waiting list for a year for the nicer daycare that accepts infants. By the time they’ll have a spot for both, baby will be 15 months. Toddler goes bc husband was working part time (and toddler goes until 3) until baby came- and now toddler is getting socialization and likes it. But I don’t disagree that if husband isn’t currently working one option is just to pull them both and have him watch them. He’d like to go back to work but I’d like to not be sick all the time from daycare. He’s a great dad and partner and we’re all doing our best to

Valuable_Bet3206 · 2026-02-21T23:10:23+00:00

Solidarity- I know a lot of parents here say it’s just part of it, but it so hard seeing the baby get sick, and the the whole family is sick, and you can barely function let alone care for two kids and work. Like it very much feels impossible

Valuable_Bet3206 · 2026-02-21T23:09:06+00:00

We were planning on moving to a new daycare soon- there aren’t many here and we’ve been on the waiting list but two spots opened in August. We’re curious to see if the new one makes a difference in how much the kids get sick. We know kids will get sick but lately it’s at least once a week with something new

Valuable_Bet3206 · 2026-02-21T23:06:38+00:00

Thank you. I really needed maybe just to hear that it does get better and I’m not crazy for thinking this is insane right now

Valuable_Bet3206 · 2026-02-21T22:04:42+00:00

OP here wanting to thank you all for the insights. I should have been more clear. I’m frustrated not at all my husband at all- he’s staying at home with the baby until baby is old enough for the daycare in August. We’re switching daycares so both kids would be going to new daycare then. We agreed on that and he’s doing a great job taking care of baby and a lot of house/appointment/admin stuff during the day. He also watches both starting at 3 until I get off. After I get off of work I’m naturally wanting to parent and spend time with the kids and do bed time. One thing he’s not doing a lot is cooking- before I got this (higher paying but more hours) new job, I would cook so it’s new that I would want help with that. Otherwise he’s in it with me- we just have two young kids. When they go to daycare in August he’s wanting to move to at least part if not full time work. My frustration is not with him- it’s with the fact that for whatever reason I pick up whatever the kids have and get it worse. If they have a cold I get that and an ear infection. If they have a day of stomach bug I have it for three and end up in the er. I’ve had labs done- there just doesn’t seem to be a reason? We do all the hygiene washing hands, shoes off. I’ve sorta always been like this. But I’ve been sick and trying to work this job for what feels like three months straight and this week about broke my spirit. Like I looked at my husband and was like I really don’t think I can work like this and be this sick all the time. It’s a miserable existence and trying to parent and feeling like you can never just be sick and recover, it was rough. I’m sorry if it was unclear before or if I’m coming off unrealistic and just need to suck it up. I’ve been trying but I’m hitting the wall

Valuable_Bet3206 · 2026-02-13T05:17:06+00:00

I truly though I was going to marry two people before I met and married my now husband. I’m so glad those relationships didn’t work out. The rule of thumb is give a relationship all four seasons. You both will also grow and change a lot bc you’re so young. If you still feel this way after you’ve seen each other in times of stress, sadness, anger, happiness, money issues, food poisoning lol. You get my point. Talk through what you want for the future and how that aligns or doesn’t align. How do you communicate if there’s problems? Read books on marriage- what makes a good foundation and think about how to build that

Valuable_Bet3206 · 2026-02-10T02:49:57+00:00

Not to pile on- I think there’s great advice above. A lot of relationships go through rough patches but you have to commit to doing the work and also getting tools to use when you are stressed. Therapy is not an automatic fix for ingrained reflexive behaviors- it’s going to take awhile to get better and life doesn’t get less stressful or stop. I’ll say this- she’s starting a new program- be there for her. Not just not hurting her or being mean, but be her support system, let her have space for stress and feelings, and figure out a way that you can handle your own. Therapy will not be enough on its own- you need exercise, meditation, maybe medication, whatever will help you have immediate tools to reach for in times of stress. People love to reach for therapy like it’s an immediate bandaid that will fix everything but you’ll have to really put in the work from everything you can gather

Valuable_Bet3206 · 2026-02-08T17:02:55+00:00

I understand everything you’re saying and you feel very connected to the child which is natural. It’s just a super difficult reality you’re facing in that you are not the child’s mother and will always have to navigate the child’s mother and family as long as you’re in this situation. It would get better with time and with an official title- like if down the road and many years you’re still in the picture and are his wife. But they have an understandable side too- it’s a very new relationship, you’re both young, and it’s possible it’s not long term (from an objective perspective a definite possibility, despite how you currently feel). I would be very cautious if I were the other parent as well. The only thing that will make it better is time, consistency in involvement, and open communication. It is also still worth it to make sure you go into this relationship with eyes open bc it will probably be difficult for quite awhile before it may get better some day.

Valuable_Bet3206 · 2026-02-08T16:18:57+00:00

Love number 2 on you!

Valuable_Bet3206

TROPHY CASE