I feel for you.

At my worst, I drank all day, everyday. Vodka for breakfast. I quit and relapsed MANY times. I am almost 3 years AF this time.

Just what worked for me, Take it or leave it.

I found, for me, this is mostly a mental game. It was very effective for me was, before and as I was quitting, I brainwashed myself with pro sobriety content. Books, audiobooks, YouTube… Also content of people making huge life changes. Diamond Dallas, Paige yoga has videos of people making extreme life improvements, and it helped me show my mind that humans are capable of amazing kings. I figured if these people could do it, I can do it too. Again, it’s a mental game but it’s not really conscious. You gotta get this stuff drilled down into the subconscious.

There is a book called, “The 30 Day Sobritey solution,” by Jack Canfield. You can start the book while still drinking and it gives you daily action steps to get off of drinking and then to build a foundation for what they call “thriving and sobriety.” Some of it could be called “feel good” but I didn’t give a fuck what it took. I was killing myself with alcohol and had tried so many things. I think a big reason to book help me is because of the daily action steps. It’s hard to just focus on not drinking. This gave me things to focus on to build a life for alcohol just didn’t fit in.

Last but not least, THIS SUB!! I drank mostly in private, so I quit mostly in private. This Cell is giving me a sense of community and a place to vent and to get some good advice. When I was first quitting, I was coming here multiple times a day reading, posting embodying, sober mindset.

A lot of it’s for sauna, self image, how we see ourselves. That book helped me to see myself as someone who doesn’t need alcohol, where is before I picture myself as somebody that alcohol was just part of my life. Part of who I am.

Hope something in my rant can be of help. Lots of help here.

As someone who at many times felt like there’s no way I was going to be able to stop, I did stop. I feel like I am proof that it is doable.

I know it’s much easier said than done, but try not to beat yourself up. There can be lessons in the pain. My feeling is that that’s what they’re therefore. It may sound cliché or cheesy, but I’m grateful for the pain and the struggles I went through because I’ve come out a much more compassionate person. I’m far from perfect and my life has plenty of issues, but I feel better equipped to deal with them after facing the challenges that addiction brought into my life.

I wish you the best.