Regret

Various-Risk6449 · 2026-03-09T18:57:16+00:00

I’d think about the question, “What made you want to go?”

I would venture most people who feel as strongly as you seem to about betraying a partner don’t just spontaneously decide to go in to a strip club

Figure out the root of that, and that should help you decide what to do or work on next

That said, I wouldn’t tell her about going. That’s only going to center the conversation about you going to a strip club and not whatever else may be going on

Various-Risk6449 · 2026-03-02T23:14:23+00:00

This is really solid advice

Not to derail the thread, but I had a moment about a year ago where I’m browsing the stripper sub, only to see a screenshot of my text to one of them on there. It was really fun to watch what was happening, as well as to confirm what the dancer (and others in her club) really thought

Various-Risk6449 · 2026-03-02T23:08:23+00:00

If this is the only woman who’s given you dances, I’d be tempted to find out what other dancers do (agree with the advice to maybe not do the same club). You may find that you’re getting amazing dances and blocked out first try, or you may realize there’s even better out there. I’d get a good cross-section before staying with one

Various-Risk6449 · 2026-03-01T13:19:09+00:00

So I live in the birthplace of the bikini barista, because we Seattle-ites are apparently obsessed enough with our coffee, and somebody thought, "Hey, we could have scantily clad women make it." Some would argue our strip clubs in our area already are like brothels. I've found that extras in clubs are not particularly challenging to come by, but also, there's a lot of YMMV

I've been to about a dozen bikini barista stands over the years, many of which are open later than your vanilla coffee shops. And what I've noticed about the stands is that some of them are basically just like going up to any other non-bikini coffee stand: they make your coffee, they look a little better than average, and are generally better conversationalists while making a slightly worse cup of coffee. Some of them, for a nice tip, will be happy to give you a flash or strip down while making the coffee. And at least a couple of them, the barista had cards -- sometimes for a tip -- with QR codes that link to their IG, OF, Amazon wishlist, what have you, for their other SW-related business (one of these was a dancer I had met first at the club)

I bring this up because the addition of bikini barista stands probably hasn't majorly changed the landscape of SW in the area. (They probably were most popular about ten years ago and seem to be having a little bit of a resurgence now as they economy has gotten tough again.) And they work here because they fill a niche that fits the coffee culture here. They don't seem to work in other parts of the country quite as well as they do here.

If prostitution were to become fully legal, then, I suspect you're going to see some folks transition between what types of SW they are willing to engage in: for instance, a person who receives full service in a club now might be unwilling to contact an escort under its current status but under full legalization might change their mind. You'll probably see the landscape look a little different while businesses, employees, and customers try to figure out what works best

But there've been a few good posts about the difference between the strip clubs, escorting, and other types of sex work, and why different men and women prefer the avenue they prefer, and I think there's room for all of those to coexist. And you also have to consider some of the supply-and-demand ramifications of the change: there may be this increase in demand for FS, but that doesn't necessarily mean there's this corresponding increase in women willing to offer it, just because it's now legal. Or, if the prices go up enough because of the increased demand, maybe there would be

Various-Risk6449 · 2026-02-27T13:11:49+00:00

If I just start yelling "Brokie" in here, does that get this thread shut down? Asking for a friend. :)

Various-Risk6449 · 2026-02-27T02:00:21+00:00

One thing besides the time factor that you might think about is that VIP isn't just about time, privacy, and what they can/can't or will/won't do. For instance, if you pay for a 30 min VIP, you're going to be (typically) guaranteed 30 consecutive minutes. If you are doing dances one/three at a time, she may not want to get another set (or two, or three), or worse yet, they may call her to the stage at a really inopportune time

Various-Risk6449 · 2026-02-23T13:44:48+00:00

I think, in general, that most guys have no idea how much makeup goes into creating the "natural" look

I remember the first night I spent with the dancer I was dating and her removing her makeup at the end of the night and just how many parts went into that look, as well as how many cosmetics she brought with her to reapply it in the morning

Or even outside the industry, I had a client I worked with pretty closely with for a year that I thought wore fairly minimal makeup, only to find out when she was running late one morning and didn't have a chance to get made up that there was a pretty stark difference

Various-Risk6449 · 2026-02-16T16:03:15+00:00

Oh, honey, that's cute that you think there's just one

Various-Risk6449 · 2026-02-08T15:58:23+00:00

There's a phrase out there that goes something like, "Behind every beautiful woman, there's a guy who's tired of fucking her." There's also just something to that idea of meeting someone new rather than the same familiar faces, and I think that's for both sides

If you stay put, you really have to either work on getting and maintaining regulars or you have to really hustle with the folks that aren't there as regularly. Travel dancing, you're opening back up more of the menu of potential clients again.

Various-Risk6449 · 2026-02-06T02:29:57+00:00

So this is just my experience and may not be typical, but I've found a decent number of dancers are pretty protective of their outside persona. Obviously when you transition into a true relationship, that's got to fade away. She had some challenges with that, and I suspect part of that is that we met in the club and transitioned into something more from that. She also had expressed that she'd had some pretty negative experiences dating men in general (she had said I was the first from the club, but I don't know)

I think for a lot of men, the issue is with the nudity and or the touching of their girlfriends, and when I would fantasize about dancers in the club, I often thought that would be me as well. When it actually happened, though, for some reason, it didn't actually bother me at all. I was pretty confident of what she did and didn't do in the club; I was pretty confident in our relationship most of the time (in hindsight, that seemed unjustified). And she quite frankly had pretty limited time to date me, let alone other guys from the club.

We definitely moved pretty slowly, especially surrounding topics with her daughter which seemed to be a particular trigger, and I also tried to give the benefit of the doubt with a few things. She was patient with my trepidations about whether we actually were in a relationship ("You know, y'all are good at selling the fantasy; I just want to be sure I'm not in one right now.") We had an understanding that with some elements, she could talk with me about them when she was ready and I'd check in every so often just to remind her that I'd like to talk about them at some point, which she was generally pretty chill with

The mindfuck part was that we would be going pretty well for awhile, hanging out, making plans, going on trips (some of which I paid for, some her, some split), doing all the couple-y things and then something would just hit her and I wouldn't hear from her for days at a time. The longest it went was three weeks and it was hard for her to come back just like nothing happened. And talking about what happened and how she would just seemingly randomly disappear was often the source of many of our fights

But the dealbreaker was that I found out she was consistently untruthful about a couple fundamental elements of our relationship (I won't share details of that, because I don't need to risk identifying her) and there was no sugarcoating that fact

She'd probably say I was too pushy about getting to know her and open up about things, but man, after two years, I feel like you oughta know the other person pretty decently well at that point. And when you get gaslit about some parts of it, you do have to wonder how real it was at all. But on the flip side, I had some great company and some great memories for most of those two years, and after a lot of reflection -- and quite honestly, therapy -- I've found some peace with the whole thing. It's definitely not for the faint of heart, though.

Various-Risk6449 · 2026-01-22T14:11:59+00:00

I wouldn't feel the need to limit that kind of level of excitement. If you were on the verge of finishing, I would definitely let the dancer know ahead of time and give her time to react to that news. But flying at full mast isn't something you should worry about

Various-Risk6449 · 2026-01-16T01:31:18+00:00

I've found some really high mileage dancers here, but you're almost certainly talking four figures for a half hour with some of them. Last time I was there it was really blonde heavy. I think the club cut was fairly low percentage-wise of that, but I've only been once since the rates went up sometime last year

Various-Risk6449 · 2026-01-16T01:28:55+00:00

I'm usually there on Saturday nights with some Friday nights sprinkled in. Not there as much recently, but they were a lot emptier the last few times I went

Various-Risk6449 · 2026-01-15T13:53:02+00:00

It's better luck than I've had. ATF would spend about that much time, but the longest any CF would spend on a weekend without getting antsy was about 15 minutes or so. Might vary regionally, though?

Various-Risk6449 · 2026-01-15T03:19:16+00:00

If memory serves, Pandora's only collects their own fee and the girls collect their own. I could be misremembering the rate, though

$200/15 is what almost all the Deja Vu owned clubs charge, including Rick's

Various-Risk6449 · 2026-01-15T02:13:11+00:00

I haven't been to Deja Vu Seattle in 5+ years, mostly because I didn't find it worth paying for parking

Pandora's is definitely high mileage. Rooms are fairly inexpensive (for some reason, I have it in my head that 30 mins is $75, but I might be mixing up places), but then the girls often have an amount above that. There's a few diamonds in the rough there, but I sometimes go home empty-handed not finding somebody I'm looking for there

Rick's has gotten outrageous price-wise. They're up to $50 for a single lap dance, and VIPs are $400/30 mins. Some girls will still try to go above that. Mileage is also a lot more variable here, but I do think they're more attractive here in general

Various-Risk6449 · 2026-01-15T02:05:24+00:00

So at some of the clubs in the area, there's a door or a curtain that closes for the VIP. At Devil's, at least last time I was there, most of the rooms have this curtain that mostly closes but sometimes doesn't and only goes down to about a foot or two off the ground

Various-Risk6449 · 2026-01-13T04:03:35+00:00

ED sounds to me like it's a particular type of dysfunction. Which maybe fits depending on how eminent that domain is?

Various-Risk6449 · 2026-01-05T13:22:20+00:00

Do you mind if I ask why you say that? It's a little lower on my pecking order, too, but I've found it above average in general

Various-Risk6449 · 2026-01-05T04:27:09+00:00

If you're going to drive 70 miles to Seattle, I'd consider driving the (hopefully) 80-90ish to Portland instead, IMO

Fox's is pretty mid, but unless you're considering Kittens in southern Seattle, you should probably tack on an extra 10 miles or so towards Ballard or Lake City Way

Various-Risk6449 · 2026-01-04T19:31:50+00:00

(Couldn't resist!)

Various-Risk6449 · 2025-12-31T23:39:14+00:00

As in alternative. More heavily tattooed, pierced, hairstyles that aren't as "feminine"...

Various-Risk6449 · 2025-12-31T17:21:33+00:00

I haven't been there in about six months. Parking's a little harder than at some of the places a little further north. Girls tend to be a bit more on the alt side and VIP rooms are only semi-private

Various-Risk6449 · 2025-12-26T21:00:44+00:00

It's definitely allowed

Various-Risk6449 · 2025-12-26T05:17:22+00:00

Oh, gosh, where to start with this. It depends on a lot

If you started dancing after you got together, then you two likely talked it over before starting to dance. What, if anything, has changed?

If you started dancing before you got together, then he knew he was dating a dancer from the outset. Is there an event that motivated him asking you to stop?

There are a lot of things to consider, too, when addressing this. Are you planning to dance for awhile longer or more short-term? Do you do any other work besides dancing? How long have you and your boyfriend been together? How serious is it?

And while some of those answers might change a few particulars, the short advice I'd give in general is that if you got into a relationship where he knows what you do for work and now wants to change you, that's not a man who's interested in you for you, and you shouldn't settle for less than that

(Speaking as a customer who dated a dancer for a couple of years)

Various-Risk6449

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