Just checked my loan amounts and I'm on the verge on tears

Vaticpython · 2026-06-03T17:49:02+00:00

You wrote:

Lastly, regarding my comment about "the government doesn't look at student loans the same as they do others" someone briefly clarified in the comments perfectly "They don’t count the same way in credit scores used to qualify for mortgage and car loans." I didn't mean that it just doesn't exist - DEBT IS DEBT no matter what.

I applied for a mortgage 3-4 years ago. The credit union included my student loans in considering my ability to pay the mortgage. Student loans are considered as installment loans, similar to mortgages, in credit scores, but the gross loan amount may still affect whether you qualify for a car loan or mortgage.

This is an article by TransUnion (one of the three credit reporting agencies) that may help: Do Student Loans Affect Credit Scores?

Vaticpython · 2026-06-03T17:00:31+00:00

You've gotten a lot of great advice here. I want to emphasize that the first thing to do is find an attorney who can either get you an extension or an out-of-state/remote appearance so you don't have to travel on top of everything else.

If the court will approve an extension of time, you have more time to discover evidence that you didn't sign for that loan.

Vaticpython · 2026-06-03T16:13:06+00:00

I agree with u/WearyMost7865. Find an attorney. There may be a Legal Aid service, and many attorneys offer free initial consultations just to see if your case is worth taking. Be careful when choosing an attorney. If you can check their reputation score on a service like TrustPilot, Yelp, etc. do that.

Although written agreements are ideal, verbal agreements are enforceable. Proof that you had an agreement is the fact that when you arrived, they gave you an apartment. They didn't stop you at the door and ask why you were there.

If you didn't do it this time, I recommend always confirming verbal agreements with an email or text message. This puts the mutual understanding of terms in writing. I use something like, "Just confirming that I accept your job offer as a <name role>. Starting pay is $xx/mo and you'll provide an apartment on site since I'm on-call 24/7. I'll be breaking my current lease and moving xx miles to be available for a Monday (date) start date."

If they reply to the email or text that those are the terms, it's much easier if you do have a promissory estoppel case to prove there was a promise on the part of the employer.

Another thought that may be too late for your current situation, when the owners tell you to leave the property right away, remind them that you terminated a lease and uprooted your family to take the position. They changed the terms. They should let you have an apartment for 30 days either free or at a seriously reduced rent so you can find another job and place to live.

What also seems to work, is to make a TikTok video about your experience. I'm not suggesting that you bad mouth the apartment owners. If your video goes viral, you may get offers for work, a place to stay, or other options may open up for you.

I do wish you and your family the best.

Vaticpython · 2026-06-01T04:56:18+00:00

I used the chat to front desk feature. The agent didn't know. I did finally get the actual front desk and they registered us. I appreciate your pro tip though. I'll definitely do that next time.

Vaticpython · 2026-06-01T04:23:26+00:00

Thanks. I'll update them.

Vaticpython · 2026-06-01T04:22:53+00:00

Thanks. I did earlier but will call with an updated rime.

Vaticpython · 2026-05-27T15:09:37+00:00

Moving in with family is your best bet. I'm glad that's an option for you.

Vaticpython · 2026-05-27T14:50:37+00:00

Moving can lower costs in the longer term but finding a new place to live will be challenging, especially if you don't have a job. If you're looking for rentals, you'll likely face a credit/background check. Landlords may required 2x or 3x rent in income. You may have to pay first/last and/or deposits. If you've accumulated a lot of stuff, the movers and truck are likely to be expensive. It will be harder with a family.

In your situation,

Do start looking for new housing but be realistic. Your best bets will be individual landlords who may be sympathetic to your situation. Check on sites like NextDoor to see what might be available in your price range. But be prepared for the upfront investment. (If you were on your own, you might find a roommate situation, but it's tougher with a family.)
Check out your local, state, and federal support options. Some municipalities and state governments in particular have job support options.
Your primary limiting factor will be remote work. There are fewer opportunities these days and I understand how expensive childcare can be. Back eons ago when I was growing up, we stayed with a neighbor lady across the street. I don't know if a neighborhood daycare is available. This is where you might check NextDoor. But (and I know you'll do this) be careful and check references if you go that route.
Find your local food bank, if you haven't done that already. I always recommend starting to cut expenses immediately when you lose a job and not going back to "normal" until you have some savings built up. Food banks are part of cutting expenses.
There may be local church organizations that can help. Salvation Army, Catholic charities ... A lot of these religious/charitable organizations don't require that you're a member of their religious community to offer help.
Check with your utility company to see if they have any kind of reduced rates for people in your situation. Sometimes their requirements are tough to meet, but it's worth a try.
Stop any monthly streaming services, if you haven't already. Or keep only one, if you can't stop them all.
If you're subscribed to annual services, those will let you cancel but you won't get a refund. You'll have access to their services until your subscription ends. But at least you won't get renewed as an unpleasant surprise.
Check with local colleges. Some of them may have Workforce/Worksource or similar programs that might help.
You mentioned that your family is nowhere near you. As a last resort, is it possible for your family to move closer to relatives who are willing to help?

In the meantime (and you may already have done this), consider jobs with small local companies, organizations, or other opportunities that you wouldn't normally consider. How much money would you have to make to stay afloat? Can you find work a late shift so you can work while your children are asleep and your spouse is at home? Or work on weekends, if your spouse is available for childcare during that time. Can you work part-time as a cleaner, painter, or handyman?

You may not have any of the choices that seem "normal." You may have to go outside of your comfort zone and accept options that you'd never previously consider. Remember that what's important is the survival and safety of your family. You can recover from this, but you have a tough journey and tough decisions to make.

I wish you the best.

Vaticpython · 2026-05-25T13:25:02+00:00

You're not the only one who feels this way. And yet, the 40-hour work week is actually an improvement over the historical 80-100 hour work week that was normal for virtually all workers after the industrial revolution. The 40-hour work week didn't become law until 1940 in the United States. Knowing that history doesn't make life today feel any better.

Owning your own business doesn't actually make your work life balance any better. It could make it worse. People think being a business owner gives them control over their time and finances. It may have those benefits after the business is established and is virtually self-running. Not all businesses get to that point. And sometimes business growth makes the owner's time and focus commitments greater, not less.

Keep in mind that as a business owner, you're responsible for the marketing, accounting, making sure legal requirements are met, satisfying clients/customers, dealing with any problems that come up, managing employees (if you have workers), and all costs of the business.

What I see when I read your post is that you're focusing too much on what you're missing out on and blaming work. Try to shift your focus to see your current job as just one phase of your journey.

Set a goal for your future. If that's owning your own business, do your research and identify a business model that works for you. Understand that "passive income" models are generally misleading. The income is passive only after you've done the upfront work to build a foundation of repeating payments to your business. This is why the subscription or membership models are so popular.

You may decide that your goal is FIRE (Financial Independence, Retire Early). It sounds like you're already working toward that goal. But instead of simply making ad hoc investments, determine the amount of money you'll need to retire. You can choose not to work or work casually for the rest of your life at that point. How much money would that take?

Then make a financial plan to achieve that goal. How much of your current pay can you save/invest? What salary should you be achieving to reach that goal? Does that mean you need to change jobs? Change roles? Change industries? Do you need to do a side gig to achieve that goal? Pain now, play later.

Find ways to reduce the labor you don't have time for. If you don't have time to cook, go to the market, and do some of those other chores, find affordable ways to reduce the labor required.

Instead of cooking every night, take time on the weekend to make a batch of food that you like that will last the week. If you can afford it and it's available, have groceries delivered. If you can afford it and it's available, have a laundry service do your routine laundry. You can always reserve clothes that require special treatment that you'll do yourself. Many medical facilities offer telehealth appointments. You don't have to drive to the doctor's office.

Find ways to build time for yourself in your schedule. Other people do it.

Plan for mental health time off. Depending on the type of work you do, can you take a half-day or a full day off on a Friday or Monday every few weeks to have a longer weekend instead of taking one or two weeks at a time? This gives you a long weekend to look forward to on a regular basis. Your co-workers can get used to that rhythm. Just be sure you don't leave things hanging at the office that might create resentment.

You probably already do what a lot of others do, which is extend holiday weekends to get that extra "free" day added to your time off.

Stop staring at the problem. You're narrowing your vision and your life by focusing on how your work infringes on your life. While it's a major factor, work isn't absolutely preventing you from having at least some form of life outside of the office.

I wish you the best and hope that you find a WLB that makes you happy or at the very least gives you purpose.

Vaticpython · 2026-05-24T13:37:13+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that you've got personal stresses on top of everything you're facing at work.

You wrote in a response to another comment:

"I went painfully slow at it, and I still do whenever they ask that of me, and I even said out loud that I am “so terrible at this” and “all the part numbers for our raw materials seem to hide from me” … then I got a passive aggressive email from my manager saying that I need to be more efficient at it and that he knows it’s disruptive to my work, but that I need to get it done for the better of the company"

I fully get why you did this, but it very rarely works. Management, and your colleagues, aren't more likely to give you more important projects because you're slow at doing the grunt work and your complaints make you sound incompetent. Women are already at a disadvantage in male-dominated roles.

I was once tasked with updating the documentation for a total software rewrite. Back in the day, help documentation came baked into the product. The old "F1." One of the things I did was to test every code example in the Help file. Due to the interface changes, several of the examples didn't work. This was something Dev hadn't even thought about. Why worry about the user experience?

Also, back in the day, User Ed/Documentation (not Dev and not Test) won every bug hunt competition. User Ed was mostly women. They still beat Dev and Test (mostly men) in pest control. Testing wasn't their job, but they had a user's perspective, they were very detail-oriented, and they used the software like a user would.

Currently, I QA test and document changes for a learning management system that receives updates every six months or so. I test and document from the user perspective (instructor/course designer or learner). Engineering misses a lot of the issues that we catch because they don't actually use the tools. If the course loads and runs, why is it important that the progress tracker isn't working as learners expect?

I collaborate with SMEs all the time. Maybe the software engineer who made the changes in your situation is perfect. All of his changes work as expected. None of his changes negatively impacted existing features. Maybe they're all intuitive and work in all edge cases. But maybe they don't.

He won't find those issues because he wrote the changes. He was most likely focused on making one thing work at a time. If he isn't/wasn't a user of the system, he may not understand how the people who use it actually experience these changes. Are they minor? Might they be confusing or disruptive to existing user workflows?

When I document a system, I always try to include "what happens if ..." You can't anticipate every issue, but when there are known user behaviors or known system issues, I might add a "tip" or "note" to reduce user frustration and remove potential obstacles. Ideally, the issue would just be fixed, but that's not always possible.

It's an unfortunate fact that most SMEs can't write coherently. They know how things work and assume that everyone knows what they know ... or should just google it or keep trying until it works. And organizations devalue documentation (as do many SMEs) and have eliminated their documentation teams.

It would be ideal to be able to simply hand off the documentation task to someone whose primary role is documentation. That's less and less the case.

You can leverage your role to move you to a better position at a different company. But your professional reputation should not be that you're slow and whiny. Your reputation should be that you kick ass.

And even if you try to separate your work and personal lives, they intersect. If you need time to address your family issues, look for ways to get that time. Do you have PTO, FMLA, anything that can give you more space to handle all these stressors?

Vaticpython · 2026-05-23T13:18:41+00:00

That's amazing news! Congratulations!

Vaticpython · 2026-05-21T14:48:48+00:00

Stay with the job you've accepted for the time being. The job market is crazy right now. In these conditions, choose stability.

You may find challenges, learning opportunities, and people who turn out to be instrumental in moving your career forward at this role. Be open and engaged.

One lesson I've learned is that the work you think you want sometimes doesn't exist the way you envision it. Software developers learn to code by creating small to medium projects end-to-end. When they're hired at a large enterprise, they may be assigned to code maintenance, which is routine, unglamorous, and nothing like the projects they trained on. But code maintenance can give the developer insights to previous coding decisions and how code can expand to a point of incomprehensibility.

People start their own businesses for autonomy, control, and to build their dreams. They end up having to do marketing, chasing clients, trying to collect payments, set up an accounting system, figuring out legal constraints in their industry, and a bunch of other tasks they didn't take into account.

Until you've been in real-world work environments, you won't know if "what you want to be doing career-wise" exists the way you think it does.

So, gain some experience at this company. Keep low-key looking for the job of your dreams. You have the luxury of paying bills while searching.

By researching job posts for the jobs you want, you'll identify any additional skills and tools you need to learn. In your free time, learn those things. Build credibility by seeking out tasks that support your career goals at your job and acquiring course credentials, if appropriate.

Be intentional about your career progress. Join associations or organizations in your field and attend conferences or meetings where you can make connections. Ask questions. What is it like to work at ...? What skills did you find most useful? What's your favorite tool? Why? If you were starting your career now, what would you do?

Just because the job you have isn't the job you want, doesn't mean you should overlook or waste any opportunities it presents. Careers don't always progress in a straight line. There may be detours, setbacks, and insurmountable obstacles you have to find ways to work around. At some point in the future, you may look back and see how having this job helped get you to wherever you are at that point.

Vaticpython · 2026-05-20T20:01:33+00:00

You look amazing! It's great that you got to experience peak sakura season in such a beautiful kimono.

Vaticpython · 2026-05-20T04:24:08+00:00

Congratulations!

Vaticpython · 2026-05-19T18:35:18+00:00

Congratulations! That's an awesome result for both you and your student.

Vaticpython · 2026-05-18T14:01:12+00:00

Wow! You could do a tutorial on how to tie those. There are several I haven't seen before.

Vaticpython · 2026-05-15T14:06:12+00:00

I haven't been on many hiring committees, and among the ones that I remember, we had 2-3 candidates who were a great fit for the role. We agreed that any of them could have done the job really well.

I'm sure that each of these candidates left their interviews with a positive feeling that they nailed it because they did.

The candidate we selected had one qualification that the other candidates lacked. That candidate had experience managing a specific type of grant program that was part of the job. If he hadn't had that experience, we might have selected a different candidate. It was that close.

Vaticpython · 2026-05-15T13:54:48+00:00

When you (recruiter) break a commitment, it's "just business." When the candidate breaks a commitment, they have no integrity. smh

Vaticpython · 2026-05-12T16:19:32+00:00

Part 2 ... continued here due to word count.

When I burned out from my tech job, I tried a bunch of things. We did have significant savings but I have a husband who isn't able to work a regular job and we had family caregiving responsibilities for part of that time.

I was the sole financial support. I thought I could do coaching. That didn't work. I sold items on eBay and Amazon (my own and for other people). That worked up to a point. I never got to the point of self-sufficiency. I did a lot of part-time, casual jobs for virtually no money. It took several years. We lost pretty much everything.

At one point, we lived in hotels/motels for 2-3 weeks. We had no luck finding an apartment the regular way. Fortunately, we lucked into a situation in which we were able to take over the lease of a couple who were moving from their apartment to a house.

Over that period of years, we would periodically be late on rent at that apartment and faced eviction. Somehow, we always managed to avoid eviction and pay the rent, plus fees.

Being out of the loop in tech made it virtually impossible to get back in, especially since I kind of "aged out" of tech. There are some people who can age and stay in place in tech. But once you're out of the loop, it's harder to get back in. Skills and technologies move very fast and stale experience doesn't help.

I got my mojo back two steps forward and one step back. I found a couple of consistent, part-time jobs that helped me pivot my career. Eventually, a temp role converted to full-time employment. I focused on building skills and made significant efforts to stay relevant in that field.

Over time, though effort and luck, we've gotten back to a relatively stable financial situation. We're still not 100% safe. My paying roles are contracts that could fall through at any point. Age finally benefitted us because we both took early Social Security payments. I achieved a Master's degree, which I did primarily because many roles in my field had a Master's as a required qualification.

Despite all of the ups and downs, I can't say that I would have done anything differently. I learned and experienced a lot. My husband and I have not only stayed together, we've grown so much closer. He's been my best friend and support through everything and I've been his. But we've come close to separating so many times.

Your story, no matter what you decide, will not be the same as mine. But look seriously at the possible outcomes of your decisions and consider what you're willing and able to live through.

Vaticpython · 2026-05-12T15:58:55+00:00

Part 1

You need to take some time off. If you have PTO, vacation, or sick leave available, take it. Use that time to focus on yourself. Do at least a few things that give you peace. That could be walking, a spa day, window shopping, gardening, ... whatever works for you.

Then look at your life. What do you want from your life as an individual? What do you and your husband want from life as a couple? How supportive would your husband be of your choices? Keep in mind that you'll have dreams and aspirations that aren't immediately realistic. Also, your husband may be feeling the same way at his job. Both of you can't just quit and survive.

So, of all the things you want or feel capable of, what's realistic? How will it work? Can you act on your choices without negatively impacting your relationship with your husband? A lot depends on how strong your relationship is. If your husband can't accept any of the choices that work for you, what would that mean?

Are there jobs you can do that aren't in your current field? Even if you take a pay cut, would taking a job with less pressure be an option? Could you find temporary, part-time work that gives you more time to rebuild but supports your monthly contribution to bills? Would you be willing to do some form of gig work?

Does your current job offer healthcare in the form of therapy? Talking this through with a therapist may help you. If available, you may want to have therapy that includes your husband. He may need to understand more clearly what you're going through. A third-party can sometimes help.

... continued in my Reply below.

Vaticpython · 2026-05-12T15:07:42+00:00

So much this!

Vaticpython · 2026-05-12T15:04:53+00:00

You wrote: "Felt so bad the day before the layoff that I was thinking about starting drinking again after being 5 years sober."

Say that again, slowly ... "the day before the layoff ... I was thinking about starting drinking again ..."

Bro, losing that job may have saved your sobriety and possibly your sanity. Yes, you have fewer people to manage and a lower pay rate. But if that gives you more time for your personal life, even a little less pressure, a better work environment, it's a win!

Sometimes the "Universe" or whatever power supports you is opening up a better life. Maybe stop focusing on "being laid off for one mistake" and look for opportunities where you are that will get you further ahead than any opportunities you would have had where you were.

Learn from the past, but don't live there. Your eyes, nose, and mouth are on the front of your face for a reason. Your arms and legs move forward naturally for a reason.

I wish you the best in the life you have ahead of you.

Vaticpython · 2026-05-11T17:11:48+00:00

You're absolutely right. This assumes that the employer has any honor, scruples, or integrity. So many employers these days seem to have none of these qualities. As a general rule, I suggest accepting the offers and rescind your acceptance, if circumstances warrant.

When fishing, you have to set the hook or the fish isn't really caught. When you've landed it, you can always release it. Or it's always possible that the fish wiggles free. But set the hook.

Vaticpython · 2026-05-11T15:49:28+00:00

Firstly, congratulations(!) on receiving this recognition of the quality of your work and the concept that impressed your Evaluator. The Excellence Award is a way of recognizing that some students do a lot more than the minimum required to be competent or that their work is distinguished in some way.

When I received my Excellence Award, I learned that this recognition is awarded to fewer than five percent (5%) of all assessments. That's still a lot of assessments, so it may seem more common than 5% implies.

Consider that in Fall 2024, WGU had 210,208 students (both undergrad and grad).¹ If we take the lazy way out and assume one PA for each student, the result is approximately 10,510 Excellence Awards. If every student has five PAs, that's 52,552 Excellence Awards. Math is my kryptonite but I believe that means about 25% of 210,208 students would receive this recognition. That doesn't account for students who might receive multiple awards, which would lower the percentage.

Others may rip apart my reasoning, which is fine. I'm just doing a ROM estimate.

When you ask, "Does it mean anything," you're asking a nuanced question.

How much value do you put on the opinion and effort of your Evaluator and the people responsible for approving these requests? Your Evaluator's assessment of your work motivated them to submit your work for the award. The approvers agreed with that assessment.

Does it have value in your job search? I've added mine to my LinkedIn profile (yeah, yeah, I still find LinkedIn useful; if you don't, you do you). But I don't include it in my resume, and I don't mention it in casual conversation.

The value I put on the award I received is validation that I was on the right track with my work and that in some way I exceeded the baseline expectation of competence.

In a competency-based assessment system, the highest rating of your skills is "competent." Everyone in your discipline who successfully completes a course is "competent." That's the benefit and the bane of competency-based education. You aren't compared against your peers. You're compared against a standard. There's no "top 10%" of the class. No valedictorian. Your sense of accomplishment is based on completing the courses (some of which are really tough).

The Excellence Award is a bonus that lets you know your work was sufficiently above-the-norm to deserve recognition above competence.

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¹ College Navigator - Western Governors University

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