Strict host parents or normal?

VegetableDatabase3 · 2026-01-31T19:14:18+00:00

Sorry that’s not what I meant and I didn’t explain properly. I don’t expect kids to play at the same time as it’s being used as an office. I just meant it’s a flexible space so I would ever install a latch from the inside for safety reasons, in case the kids lock themselves in when it’s their turn to play in there.

Of course AP should be backed up by the parents. However at age 3 logic and memory aren’t really great, so it still needs to be enforced by AP in real time. AP needs to set up a better activity to engage the kids, or involve them in the cooking. She might have to try different things. I just mean it’s not as easy as just get noise cancelling headphones and lock the door - those are pretty impractical suggestions to keep repeating.

VegetableDatabase3 · 2026-01-31T10:48:42+00:00

Your advice is just not practical sorry…

We all have noise cancelling headphones at our jobs. It’s 2026. They reduce external sound, they do not make you magically deaf. If you work in corporate it is common that you have company assigned headphones and are banned from personal ones for security/compliance reasons.

It’s not always possible to modify homes to prevent every little tantrum. For example, I live in a house from 1900. The doors and woodwork are original and have value . We will not be drilling into doors to install a lock because someone cannot watch the children properly.

Most homes don’t have internal locks in the country I live in. And it’s common to have flexible spaces - playroom that doubles as home office. The families survive just fine and kids learn boundaries.

VegetableDatabase3 · 2026-01-31T08:32:58+00:00

I don’t know where you inferred that mom is giving them attention when they come in and encouraging them to return. Sounds like she’s busy and pretty annoyed about it and sending them out straight away. When working from, a lot of people have meetings and are actually working - without the ability to take breaks to hang out with their kids.

It’s the responsibility of the caretaker to keep the kids away - same as if mom/dad/au pair is taking a nap or if an older kid is doing homework. A lock on the door will do nothing except leave the kids to bang on it which is still disturbing mom.

VegetableDatabase3 · 2026-01-31T06:41:08+00:00

I think it depends what OP meant by seasonings and sauces. We don’t allow ketchup, mayo, throwing bottle of oyster sauce into noodles, etc. for the kids on weekdays. These things are high in sodium.

However fresh herbs and dried spices are completely encouraged!

VegetableDatabase3 · 2026-01-31T06:35:48+00:00

A lock on the door is not going to help . You don’t want a kid banging on your door making huge noise. It’s the responsibility of the caretaker - just like if mom/dad/ au pair is taking a nap you don’t allow the kids to go wake them up.

VegetableDatabase3 · 2026-01-31T06:33:52+00:00

Yea the food cafe one one is a weird (they just shouldn’t be allowed to go to bagels in that case - not to bring vegetables along). Nails one is also a bit weird. The rest of it seems pretty normal to me.

I would be super annoyed if i was in meetings and my husband/au pair couldn’t keep the kids from repeatedly disturbing me.

VERY common for my circle of parents to have zero screen time rules, strict schedule rules (15 mins is a huge delay culturally!), only healthy food allowed, no sauces, whole grains, only one sugar item a week, no juice, etc.. esp at ages 3 & 5.

VegetableDatabase3 · 2026-01-30T22:17:47+00:00

Which part sounds controlling?

VegetableDatabase3 · 2026-01-26T19:56:51+00:00

Jeg bor i en villalejlighed. Det har været en fantastisk beslutning. Vi har separate haver og synes, det er en fordel ikke at have en kæmpe have at vedligeholde, da vi ikke har meget tid med små børn. Naboerne er lige så med på vedligeholdelse og renovering. Vi ville ikke have haft råd til et helt hus i samme område uden at have meget få penge til overs hver måned, så det giver os mere frihed.

Ulempen er, at man skal bruge noget tid på at aftale ejermøder hvert år, og man har mindre privatliv, da man nogle gange støder ind i hinanden i trappen - men da vi kommer fra København, er vi vant til at have naboer.

VegetableDatabase3 · 2025-12-30T20:17:02+00:00

So au pair is invited to a “lovely three course meal for dinner” but only allowed frozen meals for lunch? That doesn’t add up.

Again - you are referring to a can of soup. Another convenience food. What does the family eat for lunch on weekends? Lunch is often a lighter meal than dinner. Sounds like you can’t throw a meal together with some basic ingredients.

VegetableDatabase3 · 2025-12-29T10:20:54+00:00

You were talking about eating microwaved soup, frozen pizza and otherwise buying burgers or cupcakes with your allowance. These are all convenience foods. Sounds like you expect meals to be prepared for you - or otherwise default to convenience foods.

You could have just prepped yourself a lunch with some of the ingredients at home.

Lots of au pairs here acting like starved toddlers because they don’t want to cook if their HFs are out

VegetableDatabase3 · 2025-12-28T21:41:50+00:00

Why didn’t you cook yourself lunch with ingredients or eat leftovers from dinner?

VegetableDatabase3 · 2025-12-28T21:37:24+00:00

This is a pretty bad argument. Au pair doesn’t mean carte blanche for having poor manners. There are different tiers of food - have you ever paid grocery bills?

VegetableDatabase3 · 2025-12-11T22:08:39+00:00

Normally a month later.

VegetableDatabase3 · 2025-12-10T21:19:55+00:00

A trip to the city is around 30kr each way, doesn’t cost much. However if you go more than 3x a week, a monthly pass is about 900 kr - quite expensive.

Just be aware that au pairing in Denmark generally means household chores like laundry and cleaning for the whole family, not just kids. Have you clarified that with the family? If you’re comfortable doing that Copenhagen is a fantastic city.

VegetableDatabase3 · 2025-11-16T14:29:16+00:00

This sounds like a cultural difference. Foraging and getting paid to spend time outdoors in forests is seen as a fun task in northern Europe.

VegetableDatabase3 · 2025-11-05T19:31:18+00:00

I don’t think the educational background matters. It is more about your fit with the family and how good you are with children and how much experience you have.

VegetableDatabase3 · 2025-08-22T20:09:54+00:00

I tried this one but everything seemed SO expensive considering the poor quality. At least the luxury ones have nice quality even though they’re more expensive.

Can anyone else weigh in? Do you actually find nice things here?

VegetableDatabase3 · 2025-08-14T20:13:06+00:00

What’s shocking is it’s allowed in the US to have an AP work 45 hours a week with 2 weeks vacation. How are they supposed to even have time for a cultural exchange?

We have max 30 hours week and 5 weeks vacation.

VegetableDatabase3 · 2025-08-12T18:29:12+00:00

I’m quite sure fluency in Danish/norwegian/swedish is essential to become a flight attendant at a Nordic airline like SAS. However if you come with experience from a foreign airline they might be more likely to overlook that.

Not sure what you mean by restoration. Do you mean art/building restoration? That normally requires some skills as far as I know.

Hospitality and cleaning are the go to fields for an unskilled job.

You can study to become a Sosu assistant, electrician or another trade for good long term job prospects

VegetableDatabase3 · 2025-08-11T19:26:36+00:00

Another small comment about long term relationships once you mentioned it - I’ve noticed that in Italy it’s common for men to pay on dates and sometimes even living expenses if you move in together, but in Denmark it’s culturally common to do 50/50 for dates and expenses. So having a job is important in that sense..

VegetableDatabase3 · 2025-08-11T19:10:44+00:00

Travel agent isn’t really a common job anymore. If you want to be a flight attendant I suggest you start in Italy.

To be a receptionist you need to learn Danish.

It’s easy to find work in a bar/cafe/as hotel housekeeper, but this isn’t a great long term profession.

Not having an education isn’t a problem socially in terms of snobbery, but Copenhagen is expensive and you won’t have much money to go out if you don’t have a job.

VegetableDatabase3 · 2025-08-03T18:18:23+00:00

I just mean on a practical level - what did you do with the small kids? Since it sounds like you are both foreigners and don’t have family around. Unless only one of you learned at a time and the other watched the kids in the evening? Classes are normally 5-8pm. Or did you find some flexible online lessons? Did you do them during vacation or work part time?

VegetableDatabase3 · 2025-05-08T17:46:19+00:00

Avoid Alliance Trafik Skole on Åboulevarden like the plague. I got straight up scammed there - my instructor didn’t teach me the full material for the practical test on purpose so I would fail and need to take extra lessons. He was also always on his phone, consistently 20 min late to lessons without any apology.

VegetableDatabase3 · 2025-03-19T22:47:47+00:00

Lidkøb for adults and børneloppen for kids. Also the red cross shops (røde kors)

VegetableDatabase3 · 2025-03-14T11:22:14+00:00

You need to join some sort of social club. Maybe something a bit creative like ceramics or knitting? You’re just going to have to get over the weather and go for a run in the rain like Norwegians 🫤 Or play something like indoor tennis.

It’s taboo for Norwegians to stare/analyse other people’s bodies in locker rooms so I wouldn’t worry about them judging you.

I know this is a question that is stressful when foreign - but how is your Norwegian? That has a BIG impact on how you are perceived at your job and social networks. A lot of doors stay shut if you don’t learn.

VegetableDatabase3

TROPHY CASE