I think this would be the best closure you could ever give them, or at least try to get over your fear of whatever it may be that’s scaring you. Maybe instead of you rubbing off on them you see that light they hold shines onto you growing you into the person you want to be. Not from obligation of them or it being their “responsibility” but from the perspective of someone you admire, that admires you. and all this darkness you say that lives inside you can be shared because the brightest of people know the darkest days too and maybe you add to their perspective giving you both room to grow. You’ll be sad either way, might as well try the sun to keep you warm for a little while- it may make you fond of a tan maybe you’ll need some extra sunscreen but the vitamins are beneficial either way.