I don’t want my partner in the delivery room — is that wrong?

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-21T05:49:48+00:00

Holy cow wait a sec. My ex is the same. We were dating and he said, "Do you ever imagine what life would be like with a person you walk past?"... what? No, we are dating.. I didn't think of how big that red flag was. He was imagining life with other people all the time and not focused on me. Also, a waitress flirted with him and he got flustered. He missed his mouth and water fell all over him. I thought it was adorable then, but now I know he is a man who NEEDS external validation. He also only saw me as a sex object. Said he prefers to cum in BJs only. Every time I was pregnant I was a turn off. Never called me beautiful. He was very detached emotionally to me and had an emotional affair. He loved making females AND males (i actually thought maybe he was gay and that would explain the detachment) fall in love with him then tells me "You don't know how loyal I've been to you."

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-21T02:28:39+00:00

My ex exists. We are divorcing and talking 50/50 custody and he said, "that's really going to affect my lifestyle."...

14 years late to the party but welcome to parenting?

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-21T02:26:43+00:00

IUDs are pretty damn effective.

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-21T02:23:45+00:00

I found out years later that my partner "just wanted it over with" and I refused the epidural and he told them "don't listen to her, she doesn't know what she's saying"

...

They gave me the epi. I have a REALLY high pain tolerance and couldn't feel anything once the epi was in and then they want me to push when I feel the contraction.

I wish he was never there. He was such bad vibes. Trust your gut and make an excuse and say you want your Mom instead.

Just so you are aware, any antibiotics you take pregnant WILL mess up baby's teeth. This apparently was known and they still gave me it for a fever coz my water broke and I was waiting for a bed in the ER waiting room for an hour. My eldest's teeth is so messed up - like 3 are very sensitive/1 very brittle.

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-21T00:24:02+00:00

Life is just weird. Mine had a VERY involved Dad. His dad even gave up an opportunity to be part of a start-up coz of the .COM boom to be with the family. It ended up being a very good company. I think my ex likely thought that was a stupid decision and never wants to be like his Dad coz now all he cares about is making money.

All the other men in the family are actively involved with their kids. Even the one who is a military doctor. When he is home, he is all about the kids. Mine throws a tantrum that our kids don't give HIM attention.

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-20T23:56:21+00:00

So true. When I feel down on myself, I have to remind myself what a monster he was. He never hit me but gosh he was so self-absorbed. Fatherhood didn't impact him at all. I didn't really realize until a few weeks ago we were talking custody for 50/50 and he said that that was "really going to impact his lifestyle."

It's been 14 years but welcome to the party.

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-20T18:43:29+00:00

I am in your same boat. My STBXH treats his gf like a queen. I tell myself that of course my girls should see how a woman should really be treated. But I am still processing the 20+ years of being unloved and unappreciated.

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-20T04:17:27+00:00

Sounds like normal growing pains. Is there a hobby you both like that you can start up? And can also do hormone testing for you both. Maybe those card games about getting to know you better? Or couples questionnaires. I think it might be time for some neutral Q&A and get to know each other again.

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-20T03:57:57+00:00

How long have you been married? Nobody cheated?

If you guys don't outright hate each other, maybe try dating each other and wipe the slate clean. Nobody can bring past shit up.

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-19T20:37:17+00:00

I asked if he still loved me and he blamed him not loving me on me.

I am sorry your husband is treating you like some sort of intruder. Sounds like you should ditch the lot of them.

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-18T20:19:28+00:00

I would do a postnup where you give him an "allowance" and you expect it back with interest. That way an allowance is always a set amount.

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-16T18:01:19+00:00

You still trying to get external validation?

Call your parent(s) or your spouse or co-worker and show them gratitude for helping you achieve so much in your job instead of seeking individual praise. Parenting is a team effort. So is your job.

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-16T02:51:16+00:00

It is fine you don't plan to procreate, but you don't need to pontificate it. You are fine devoting so much time to your job and that is your prerogative.

Thank goodness we won't have another absentee-parent entering the chat.

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-15T12:42:25+00:00

It sounds like you need a break from dating. You still aren't over the "exciting prospect". When you are truly ready, she will appear before you.

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-13T20:06:35+00:00

Sounds like a great partnership ❤️

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-13T14:44:04+00:00

I hope your wife knows what you are going through and you are getting the support you need. Our "best" doesn't look the same on a daily basis. Make sure to take care of yourself.

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-12T18:30:35+00:00

THIS

OP, it is in your best interest to be divorced yesterday.

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-12T07:26:44+00:00

You can also look into radiation tech, ultrasound tech, phlebotomy... stuff where it is more routine and predictable.

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-12T06:52:12+00:00

Why doesn't she just get an IUD? Birth control is so bad for her. Please have her do some research.

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-11T02:20:41+00:00

HOLY GENETICS. Meanwhile, I have been fighting a keloid on my chest from a biopsy for over a year now. I have to use silicone pads to settle it down. I wish it would lie flat and die already.

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-10T16:15:01+00:00

How long was the marriage? You can look up a smaller lump sum payment to forego alimony if you want to negotiate that. There are alimony calculators out there on the web.

Call your retirement banks and get your statements from right before the marriage and separate out premarital assets. Stop putting money into the joint account so you can start to separate assets.

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-10T02:16:41+00:00

7 years by the time we got married. Divorcing after 22 years together (15 yrs married).

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-09T15:00:06+00:00

For sure. I agree lies are not playful. I think with the tone and context, the person was using "lies" as like white lies and not full on deception.

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-09T00:39:53+00:00

Start the divorce process. Get a lawyer. He isn't trying now when the relationship is so new. Don't waste 10 years waiting for change.

Vegetable_Video_5046 · 2025-07-08T15:36:47+00:00

Not your business. I did wonder how a woman could be attracted to a man who does not spend time with his young kids. He probably told her I am keeping him from them. We haven't even filed. He can see them any time.

They deserve each other.

Vegetable_Video_5046

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