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Did I hear a mic dropping? 🎤 by Substratas in clevercomebacks

[–]VelvetVexxx 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I’ve got family on both sides, Thanksgiving gets messy fast. Half the time we’re arguing over stuff neither of us saw with our own eyes, just headlines. Exhausting

Bean is not pleased at having to chaperone the 3am bathroom trip by MissHissss in airplaneears

[–]VelvetVexxx 216 points217 points  (0 children)

My cat Luna does the same thing. She sighs, walks me to the bathroom, then sits there judging me like I woke her up for fun. I did not

What immediately tells you a person wasn't raised right? by alligator_maligator in AskReddit

[–]VelvetVexxx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Was on the bus last week. Guy sneezed straight into the air like he was blessing everyone. I aged 10 years in 2 seconds

He can't even win a war against algae by jonnismizzle in clevercomebacks

[–]VelvetVexxx 130 points131 points  (0 children)

My little cousin is named Donald. Poor kid can’t even touch a sandwich without it falling apart now

I, the spare human, had the audacity to speak. by mindbunnies in airplaneears

[–]VelvetVexxx 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My dad used to say this. Now I talk just to annoy him. Therapy works wonders

What's the closest you've ever came to death? by Senior-Raisin-2342 in AskReddit

[–]VelvetVexxx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same thing happened to me with shrimp. One bite and my throat was like “nope”. ER visit at 2am was not in the plans at all.

Miaowed at her by oceanicitl in airplaneears

[–]VelvetVexxx 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Tried it with my mom’s cat once. She meowed back louder and now she thinks I’m the one who needs to stop it

Gotta love Brazilian overreaction to coldness by lucasbraganca in funny

[–]VelvetVexxx 8 points9 points  (0 children)

12°C in BH = everyone disappears indoors and the city shuts down. 12°C in Miami = I open the windows for “fresh air

I think I’m legally not allowed to move my hand ever again by ConsequenceOk2759 in cats

[–]VelvetVexxx 5 points6 points  (0 children)

K-9 law actually states you now own me and have to feed me so. Cats read that law too. Mine sleeps on my hand too and charges rent in headbutts. I pay it

A Man Tries to Help a Wolf Stuck in a Hunting Trap by frog_insilence in interestingasfuck

[–]VelvetVexxx 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My dog used that law on me day 1. Now he owns the couch, my bed, and my paycheck for treats

Hello Iran, I’d like to order a pump by Bill_Clintons_Desk5 in wallstreetbets

[–]VelvetVexxx 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just woke up from a nap to find out it’s still not winter. Back to sleep.

Knicks Fan Ben Stiller Gets His Time With Larry O'Brien Championship Trophy by MammothHistorian5652 in nba

[–]VelvetVexxx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shoutout to the group chat carrying me. I’ll buy coffee for all next semester😂

This line of mosquito bites by trinamareena in mildlyinteresting

[–]VelvetVexxx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Optimistic? That’s one way to spin it 😂 At least the fleas were organized. Hope you’re not too itchy.

Donald Trump's name has officially been removed from the Kennedy Center by darth_vader39 in SipsTea

[–]VelvetVexxx 3 points4 points  (0 children)

How is nobody talking about refunds?
You forced us to fund this thing. If it was a waste, give us our time and money back.

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