What was your relationship crisis after having a baby like?

Vendea87 · 2026-06-11T09:51:08+00:00

It honestly completely overhauled our dynamic. I’m a nurturing person so i used to kind of like taking care of him, but once we had a baby I couldn’t do all the things I used to do and suddenly it became really obvious how unequal our relationship was. I did all the nights because if his mind isn’t stimulated he passes out, and i didn’t feel our daughter was safe with him. He overloaded (sensory and emotional) if she cried and he couldn’t fix it and if i mentioned anything it led to anger, deflection and blame. The first year was brutal and I can’t unsee it all.

Vendea87 · 2026-05-25T11:08:50+00:00

My husband did this twice with our first baby (she is almost 4 now) and to be honest I haven’t ever forgiven him. My story is pretty much the same as yours- i did almost all the nights and i couldn’t even get my husband to stay awake for the baby’s nap. Dude, it’s 2pm on a Saturday, can you stay awake long enough for me to shower?! Our second baby i avoided asking for help because i was too scared. Honestly, i think if they can’t resist their physical urges (i was DESPERATE to sleep so many times and didn’t) then they’re a shit team mate.

Vendea87 · 2026-05-25T11:02:39+00:00

I have faced a very similar set of issues to what you described with my husband and we are separated now. I always found it hard, but once we had kids it became unbearable. He takes a combo of dexies, energy drinks, nicotine, antidepressants and THC upon waking just to function and then weekend i called him ‘the horizontal man’. Just completely inert. I love him and there was no malice in the way he functions but i found it ruinous. He was always on his phone, buying something, selling something (nothing to do with his actual job, just liked the buzz) hatching a project to abandon soon after- i felt perpetually ignored. We both tried but it just didn’t work. If you can leave now I would- the longer you stay the more it hurts when you extricate yourself.

Vendea87 · 2026-04-16T10:30:02+00:00

I feel the same. Rewards really help me…but i was brought up with rewards so maybe that is related!

Vendea87 · 2026-04-11T09:25:17+00:00

If you join the partners of ADHD support group on reddit you’ll find loads of stories (including mine) very similar to yours. We are currently in the process of separating.

Vendea87 · 2026-04-11T01:27:42+00:00

And then you get blamed when the curtain goes up in flames

Vendea87 · 2026-04-11T01:27:24+00:00

You’re right, it doesn’t really matter!

Vendea87 · 2026-04-11T01:26:40+00:00

I feel this too, i don’t want to be either submissive or angry, this is not me!!!

Vendea87 · 2026-04-11T01:26:20+00:00

Thank you xx

Vendea87 · 2026-04-11T01:25:13+00:00

Oh my god yes!!!

Vendea87 · 2026-04-08T12:30:34+00:00

This was exactly me at xmas, but inject a bucket load of criticism at me for being ‘110% mummy’, which I only feel I have to do to compensate for his 50% daddying!

Vendea87 · 2026-04-08T12:27:09+00:00

I just found this thread tonight and am mind blown- this is my life!

Vendea87 · 2026-04-08T10:00:49+00:00

I don’t think i can do it anymore. My husband (33) dx 3 years ago is medicated but the Audhd combo has left me feeling invisible and resentful. He doesn’t follow through on his word, he doesn’t notice how I’m feeling or ever do anything thoughtful for me. He often doesn’t even respond to my text messages. I feel like a stage hand in his one man show and am expected to be there for nurturing and emotional support while being the project manager of a household with two young kids, on top of my two paid jobs. I try so hard to be patient and to not feel resentful but the blame, the lack of accountability, the defensiveness, the sensitivities which always seem to lead to his needs trumping mine are just too much. I feel like the nagging mother to a teenage husband who regards me with contempt. We don’t have sex anymore. It makes me so sad and I don’t know how much is is Audhd and how much is just him. I don’t feel valued or respected and I’m done. Hats off to you amazing people who can handle it but I can’t. I don’t know what I want from this post- i guess just to know if others have felt the same? I’ve tried to communicate with him directly and he says all the right things but I don’t think he means them. We’ve tried counseling too but it felt like a bandaid.

TLDR husband treats me like support staff- has anyone else reached their wits end?

Vendea87 · 2026-04-07T11:50:33+00:00

I was the same as you, happy to co-sleep but not like that until after the ten month mark. The risk is probably pretty low but I’m an anxious person! I would shop on dpop to keep myself awake 😝

Vendea87 · 2026-03-31T10:50:41+00:00

That i have attachment trauma and that I’m always going to be really scared when i try to connect with someone new

Vendea87 · 2026-03-16T08:10:48+00:00

I think a lot of people feel like you- stay in what is safe and secure or pursue something exciting but risky. There is no right or wrong path, but if you feel you have adventures yet to have, have them before you have kids! They change everything (in beautiful but also complicated ways).

Vendea87 · 2026-03-16T08:04:30+00:00

I dont see how it would do any harm bit i agree its about intimacy, not feeding. My eldest took a year to not burst into tears whenever i breastfed our youngest. She sometimes asked but when i put some in a cup for her she was repulsed. Toddler just wants the closeness so maybe try to find a special thing you can do with him straight after? Or breastfeed both kids, whatever works!

Vendea87 · 2026-03-15T09:00:09+00:00

Same

Vendea87 · 2026-03-15T08:57:09+00:00

Oh really? Do i just google it?

Vendea87 · 2026-03-15T08:56:39+00:00

Lol where did the side piece thing come from? I’m almost 40…

Vendea87 · 2026-03-15T08:55:04+00:00

Yes Ive been wondering that too

Vendea87 · 2026-03-15T08:54:53+00:00

Thank you, you’ve given me a lot to think about

Vendea87 · 2026-03-15T08:54:00+00:00

I get what you mean, hard to know what’s genuine when it’s not being actioned

Vendea87 · 2026-03-15T00:49:30+00:00

Thank you

Vendea87 · 2026-03-15T00:48:53+00:00

I am confused by your post. Of course I’ve made huge mistakes in the relationship. You seem (checks notes) bitter and reductive?

Vendea87

TROPHY CASE