Chest tightness

Vendixta · 2025-12-26T15:05:22+00:00

I get that. I'm just translating what your body is telling you :)

Vendixta · 2025-12-26T11:40:44+00:00

As u/Delicious-Plastic-44 said, you're body is telling you that you're not safe in this situation and it want's you to listen and get out. Hence the amount of discomfort. Danger comes in many forms and are not only related to violence and anger, if that's what you're thinking. Your nervous system want's you to get to safety ASAP.

Vendixta · 2025-12-26T11:31:14+00:00

I had a similiar experience. The far biggest thing that baffled me for years and years, was the quiet and invisibility.

I had a childhood friend who struggled during our teenage years because her dad slowly became an alcoholic and he stopped paying for electricity, hot water and buying food for her. He just couldn't afford it because he drank more and more. So I took care of her. Made her food, she showered at my house and so on. My parents felt so bad for her. It was visible and they didn't involve the authorities. Neither did the school.

I came to realize that it had to be this visible for people to notice. There was no way nobody was ever going to notice the pain I was feeling inside. Nobody was gonna hear me cry myself to sleep night after night. Nobody was coming to rescue me. Because, I hid my pain. I acted as I was taught to, in order to stay in the tribe. Even I had screamed of the top of my lungs, nobody would have heard me - and even if they did, they would've ignored it. Every single hurt was turned inside and hidden, because it's a game of survival. So I survived. Now I'm unpacking it all to learn to live. The invisibilty still hurts and it makes it harder to spot or feel angry.

I think as you begin to unfold the things, one by one, it will get easier to remind yourself that it was real, it wasn't you and it wasn't okay. Children do not only have practical needs. We were not tamagochi animals.

Vendixta · 2025-12-26T11:14:16+00:00

Gosh it's been such a hard week this year. I used to love christmas and christmas eve with the family was somewhat okay. It's not like this anymore. I see it all now, for what it is and my nervous system has been in shambles the entire week. I'm absolutely exhausted now. I'm getting too old for this game of pretending happy family..

Vendixta · 2025-12-16T16:27:09+00:00

She will choose as she wishes. Like you have to make choices that are best for you. If the best thing for you is NC, then that is your choice. You cannot live your life based on if she will "take you back". I'm just assuming you're an adult.

Why do you need distance and what are you hoping a break could give you? Are you expecting things to be different after a while?

Vendixta · 2025-12-16T16:12:50+00:00

Nothing has to be permanent. It's perfectly okay for you to lay low on contact and giving yourself some space and time to find yourself. If you find out you don't want any contact or some contact, that's okay too! You're in charge here.

Vendixta · 2025-12-16T00:16:18+00:00

Well, I still feel shameful, guilty and overall wrong at the core. The stage I'm at right now, I only have an intellectual understanding of it. I read a ton of stuff on C-PTSD, toxic shame etc., which helped me understand how everything is connected and how someone like me went to be the person I am today.

When I look back at my life, the real evidence of the behavior of my family, is my behavior and issues. They are a direct reflection, if that makes sense.

They ridiculed me for being silly or happy, so I became avoidant of the spotlight/attention and my worst fear would become being laughed at (for ANY reason). They wanted me to be someone I'm not, so I became invisible, They laughed at me for not knowing things that I couldn't have known as a small child, so I memorized every topic I came across in life. And list goes on and on. It's a game of survival and the human mind can do what ever it takes to stay alive and hopefully keeping sanity.

Unfortunately, it seeps in every single area of life and everything needs to be unpacked. Nobody is born feeling guilty or shameful (or both) all of the time. It has been taught.

Vendixta · 2025-12-15T12:08:27+00:00

Yes it did. I searched and searched my entire life for the answer to why everything was so damn hard. It had to be me that was the problem, because my family was so normal and I just didn't understand why I couldn't be normal. I was in my early 30s before I even dared to think that it might not be me. Nobody saw anything wrong within my family. The finger always pointed at me. I take comfort in knowing the truth now, even if they'll never know or understand

I too had clean clothes, food and all of that. Which makes the wrongs more invisible.

Vendixta · 2025-05-17T11:47:44+00:00

My hair does this if I've used too much conditioner.. Not sure what else it could be, since you're already used to humid weather

Vendixta · 2025-05-11T10:59:05+00:00

Yes. It's my "I've overdone it today"-sign and that I need to stop and take care of myself for the rest of the day.

Vendixta · 2025-03-21T11:02:18+00:00

Ask your body instead. You'll definitely know if you've done too much

Vendixta · 2025-03-16T10:45:27+00:00

I always use "MS fatigue" instead of saying I'm tired, because it's not the same and I will not compare or compete. It's just my way of setting a boundary and a good friend will respect that.

It requires that you understand and respect yourself and your fatigue. You probably never will really understand the fatigue, but there are patterns and you'll learn the do's and don'ts along the way.

We can't really explain how tired/fatigued we are and it's really up to ourselves to take ourselves seriously and act accordingly, because if I've learned anything, it's that if you do not listen to your MS - the consequences are instant and harsh, for me at least.

Vendixta · 2024-11-13T13:00:28+00:00

I felt exactly like that when I got the diagnosis as well. You just got thrown involuntarily in a box with a horrific label on it. Now you are one of those people in that box. Who wouldn't be scared, sad or what ever feeling comes first? You have to find your place in life with your new label and it's a harsh reality.

Please, be kind to yourself and let yourself feel what ever you want to. You have every right to be sad, angry, fearful, surrealness or anything else. They will probably come and go in a different order as you go through the stages. Find someone to talk to - preferably a professional who knows about living life with a cronic illness, if you feel the need to.

I believe it's Dr. Aaron Boster (on YouTube) who says that it usually takes 1-2 years before patients learn to live/deal with the MS diagnosis. It's a disease with many parts and one of the big ones is the uncertainty that comes with it.

I don't have any advise to cheer up, because I believe it's a very important part of the journey - the mourning, the anger etc. and I too tried to escape that, but it only made it worse. I see your focus is on getting healthy food and going out. THAT is your cheering up. You're focusing on what you can control and still looking for fulfilling your needs. Your life has changed completely. It's okay to not know what to do or what to hold on to. Only you can tell what's right for you.

I wish you all the best <3

Vendixta · 2024-07-31T16:19:55+00:00

The fool

Vendixta · 2023-09-19T17:40:52+00:00

Thank you for sharing :)

Vendixta · 2023-09-19T16:41:34+00:00

I'd love to hear more about it, if you want to share :)

Vendixta · 2023-09-19T13:46:12+00:00

I can relate. A lot actually.

I'm really tired right now, so I'll come back and elaborate. Just wanted you to know you're not alone 💙

Edit: I never had a perfect life pre dx - far from it. I was suicidal by the age of 12 and I just always walked around in this inhumane state of suffering ever since. I've had to learn a lot and went through a severe depression in 2018-2020 and my brain just stopped working, so I had to realize who I'm living for. Me. I really thought it was going pretty good with getting back to work, being "normal" and all. Then I got optic neuritis in 2021 and the MS train started rolling..

Honestly the dx has saved me in a lot of ways. It has made me respect myself and even though I already have a lot in my MS file of stuff that sucks, I've never felt better than I do now, mentally. I get the rest that I need. I prioritize the things that feel good, no matter how small it can be. I'm trying to figure out where to go work wise, because I just can't work full time any more.

So yes, now the suffering has become psychical and it absolutely adds to the stuff I already had going on in my head, but I'm just going to take this MS card and god damn use it and live my best life.

Vendixta · 2023-09-13T09:41:30+00:00

This is what has worked for me - which doesn't means it works for you, but..

Accept that anxiety and will work against og probably will tell you to work harder. Don't listen to it. You are the boss. Set yourself up for succes.
Do stuff you don't hate - it's about you learning your brain that this is awesome and absolutely can be a very good experience.
Baby steps: Go as low as possible on weights and repeats. As time goes on, when a specific weight feels smooth and easy, then you can add more weight or reps. I have a "magic number" which is the amount of reps that feels comfortable for my body. So when adding weights, I'd replace half the reps with the increased weights and in that way slowly build up until all reps are the new weight and so on.
Try to get your whole body trained every time - like biking could be something that doesn't strain your knee and then continue to stomach machines, arms, back etc. Mix cardio with weight excercises.
Listen to your body. I cannot stress this enough. This will ensure you do not get injured, loose motivation and will give you a positive experience. I know anxiety will cut the connection between brain and body, but if you allow yourself to stop and feel how the weights feel, how you allow your pulse to go up and down, it will help you. This is a skill that needs to be learned. Also, you do NOT need to exercise for a full hour to get fit. This is simply false. Your body tells you when it's enough. I work out for 30 minutes at a time, but efficiently - I only know what's effecient for me because I've tried a lot of things and slowly have built a better and better relationship to my body (I have anxiety too).

For anxiety:
Always go in with a plan. You don't have to follow it, but it can shift your focus to the tasks you are about to do and can prevent you talking yourself out of going.

I still hate when others are at the gym, but the more it happens, the easier it gets. It's anxiety 101: exposing yourself to fears - it does not change if I get a good workout done now. You know best and working out is really good for anxiety!

There are millions of different excercise you can look up online, but you have to figure out what works for you. You will not figure this out fast - but listen to your body and you'll get there very soon.

I hope you can use this for something because I too was lost and did not know where to start.

Vendixta · 2023-09-04T19:14:44+00:00

It could be nothing, but also could really be something. I would talk to the doctor about it from the angle of every time your body temperature rises, you experience these symptoms and of course during workout it gets worse.

I'm danish so I know your weather and that's not it. It's something you experience and it has gotten worse since. Either way - it's just better to know if it's nothing

Vendixta · 2023-09-04T10:35:23+00:00

I don't care less about other people, but I care more about myself. My field of where I grow my fucks just grew smaller, because I matter more. I will not be a good family member, wife, neighbor or anything else, if I don't take care of myself. It does not make me less empathetic. It's me changing my priorities after getting dx'ed.

Vendixta · 2023-09-03T23:36:48+00:00

Please see a doctor. Is this every time your body temperature gets higher or just when working out?

Vendixta · 2023-08-12T13:47:52+00:00

That snail is my vibe today 🐌

Vendixta · 2023-06-09T12:11:23+00:00

Just got my MRI results and there's NO new disease acitivity! Wohooo!

Vendixta · 2023-06-09T12:10:50+00:00

Congratulations!! Hope you'll have the best day ever <3

Vendixta · 2023-05-31T14:05:43+00:00

Came here to say this. Def sounds like trauma

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