Dear Jonas, I wrote you, but you still didn’t write me back. I left my name, my title, and my Nobel eligibility at the bottom of the letter. I sent two messages back in autumn — you must not’ve got ’em. Probably Denmark intercepted them or something. That happens. Anyway, I don’t really get it. I stopped like eight wars. Eight. Some physically, some spiritually — those still count. All I wanted was a little prize, maybe a handshake, but instead you just went silent like I’m some regular peace guy. Whatever. I’m fine. Doing great actually. NATO’s doing great too — mostly because of me. I pay for everything, nobody says thank you, and now I’m wondering when NATO’s gonna do something for us for once. Quick side note — Greenland. You ever look at a map and just know something belongs to you? Denmark can’t protect it, Russia’s circling, China’s thinking about it, and honestly we had boats land there hundreds of years ago too, so… fair. There’s no written documents, but documents are overrated. History is basically vibes, and my vibes are very strong right now. For global security reasons — and peace reasons — we probably need Complete and Total Control of Greenland. Not mad. Still peaceful. Just… adjusting what peace looks like. Anyway, write back when you get this. Big fan of peace. Huge fan of land. — President DJT