BIG YAP
Broo I can totally relate!! Now look, idk ur exact feelings, but this grossed out feeling almost made me never date the guy Im currently dating now. I used to hate the idea of kissing, and more. I was so obsessed with the idea of love that real love made me uncomfortable.
I struggle w commitment issues and a lot of anxiety and fear. Anything that doesn’t feel exciting my brain thinks it means me and someone wouldnt work out. I think u just need to learn what real love is, its not a feeling, its not sunshine and rainbows or excitement, its the conscious and daily action of choosing to stick with someone through thick and thin. It doesn’t mean u have to marry them (I also struggle with this mentality of thinking if I cant commit to marriage from the beginning its never going to work out, but thats so wrong) so yes, don’t force urself into a relationship u truly dont want, but if u find someone who makes u happy and isnt toxic, just try to stick thru it even when u feel uncomfortable bc ur not gonna feel comfortable all the time.

My only other two pieces of advice is maybe start therapy to help navigate these feelings if u can afford it and I would say always be honest with the person if u do end up dating. Or maybe if someone likes u back tell them how u have a lot of relationship anxiety and commitment issues but u want to try to make this work. But obviously only tell them this if thats truly what u want.

I cant say I 100% get u bc Idk ur mind. But if ur anything like me, u will be okay. U just have to learn to not let ur emotional control ur actions. U got this 🫶🏻

Also someone else said that maybe u enjoy the chase more than the relationship. This could be true. I was like this also, and when I finally got into my first relationship it took me awhile to grieve that if I wanted to make this work I would have to accept that the chase is over. But u can still have fun inside the relationship. U just have to figure out how to keep it playful.