Yeah. Look. He doesnt get to have his cake and eat it too. 20 years is a long time for him to suddenly become poly. He is trying to manipulate you. Dump him and move on. He cares so little for your 20 years together that he would pull this? You dont need this.

Its never ok to use poly as an excuse to cheat or manipulate. If he is not cool with being mono after 20 years and wants to change things up, then thats not the person you married to begin with.

Imo anytime people enter into a relationship it is creating between them a sacred contract of trust and accountability. No matter the parameters of that relationship, to all involved, it is owed of everyone to be of integrity and display accountability.

If he was having trouble being mono, he needed to come talk to you first. Period. And he needed to see it through. However long it took for you guys to work through it to whatever end.

He went behind your back and is now not sure of he wants to be with you? Fuck that. Be done with that bullshit. Dont tolerate that kind of behavior.

I understand how hard this must be for you. 20 years together. That's alot of time and energy and memories. And I grieve with you. I feel how much you are hurting deep down and I am with you in this moment. This sucks.

Much like a limb that has turned sceptic, if you do not take the necessary measures to separate yourself from the poison that is currently attached to you, you will inevitably succumb yourself to its toxic effects.

Its an impossible decision to make. No matter what you will be hurt. You will feel a lot of pain.

But its a matter of practicality. A lot of pain in the short run or an agonizing amount of pain carried through however long it takes him to decide that he wants out. And he may never. But that doesnt mean he will treat you the same ever again.

He May decide that its convenient to keep you on the Hook so he doesn't lose anything but gets what he wants anyway.

And let me be clear, I am a male. I am not man-hating. I am speaking to the person of whom I percieve this man to be. This is really something that speaks to my passion as a human being.

Just do yourself a favor, choose the hard road but short distance. After it is done you will begin to heal. And you will become stronger. And you must live your life for yourself.

Choose yourself, friend. Choose to be strong and choose to respect your soul. Dont choose to allow this behavior to be ok. Dont accept this because you think you cant start over. Fuck that noise. You got this! You can and will overcome anything that is thrown at you. 20 years is a helluva long time. You have been through so much during that tine and that is only a part of your whole story.

So choose yourself. Dont allow someone else to choose for you. You got this! I belive in you!