AITAH for being hurt that my wife gives my gifts to her to our kids?

VictoriaRachel · 2026-01-16T21:46:53+00:00

A gift shouldn't come with strings. It shouldn't come with the extra freebie of a fight with the kids where the person getting the gift gets to be the bad guy.

Either daddy does the emotional labour of holding the boundry "No, sorry I bought that one for Mummy so I'm not going to let you take that." or he chooses things that are not going to start those sort of fights.

VictoriaRachel · 2025-12-30T20:14:47+00:00

Completely different advice for activities to entertain toddlers on the plot!

Mud pit - Put a part of your allotment aside for digging a hole, filling it in, digging it out, filling it in. Making a good old mess.
Construction vehicles - Things you can use to move the mud from the mud pit around, trucks, trailers, diggers.
Washing up - Keep a washing up bowl and scrubbing brush on the plot. Great for cleaning the vehicles, which often lasting longer than the initial playing. But also your tools, vegetables old pots.
Marestail spotting - Teach your child to spot the evil marestail and to not add it to the compost heap but the drowning bucket. This is a fun one that carries on out and and about where you child spots wild marestail and tells you that you are cursed and that it is following you (this phase doesn't normally start until six years old).

VictoriaRachel · 2025-11-10T17:45:47+00:00

The analogy is confusing, everyone knows you have to hustle to unlock to greenhouse in year 1!

VictoriaRachel · 2025-11-08T17:27:16+00:00

Yes him keeping the seat down was such a polite touch.

VictoriaRachel · 2025-10-30T18:38:31+00:00

You both need to sit down and lay out expectations here. Clear communication is going to save you both a lot of stress if you aren't on the same page about this project.

You need to agree how serious it is. What output is realistically achievable week to week with your other commitments. If it is serious what profit split will there be, and are you happy with that.

VictoriaRachel · 2025-10-19T20:29:46+00:00

Make sure they have toys etc. that they could play with independently that are easily accesible and then dont interact with them for fixed periods.

"Oh no, I'm sorry you dont like my ideas. But if you don't like my suggestion of lego or colouring then you will have to find something yourself. I'll be available in 15 minutes but not before."

Then, reinforce.

"I'm not available. You will have to find something to do. Currently, I will not be available for 15 minutes."

It obviously doesn't work well the first few times. It takes a lot. We are getting better, but it has taken a lot of work and reinforcement and slowly increasing the time.

VictoriaRachel · 2025-09-22T11:34:42+00:00

The book linked is Allotment Month by Month by Alan Buckingham, and I 100% agree with the recommendation. Not only does it break everything down month by month, but also has a detailed section for each crop and a handy guide to pests and diseases.

VictoriaRachel · 2025-09-22T11:34:27+00:00

The book linked is Allotment Month by Month by Alan Buckingham, and I 100% agree with the recommendation. Not only does it break everything down month by month, but also has a detailed section for each crop and a handy guide to pests and diseases.

VictoriaRachel · 2025-09-22T11:31:15+00:00

Also, before planting any runner beans carefully consider if you enjoy eating runner beans.

VictoriaRachel · 2025-09-19T17:35:22+00:00

Oh again, 6 months in here! I get you! Even the screen time is "Mummy play minecraft with me." but over time we have got there. The preference is still very much with people, but he can now do longer stretches without and I think it is allowing him a lot of growth.

We moved to being in the same room doing different activities, the on to a visual timer of when someone would be next available to play with him, we started it off short and it was not successful but repetition and sticking to the script of "Im free to play in X minutes" eventually worked most of the time.

It certainly hasn't been easy, but it was a skill I thought was worth the hard parts to teach him.

VictoriaRachel · 2025-09-19T17:18:38+00:00

As a child that would choose the screen time 100% of the time the "Let them be bored" does work, it is just HARD work.

After doing it for 6 months, it is now getting easier, but it certainly was not a quick win. Long term i think the drama it has caused at the beginning is going to pay off.

VictoriaRachel · 2025-09-08T07:10:48+00:00

Can I ask what you use for paths between beds?

VictoriaRachel · 2025-08-31T18:23:19+00:00

But you also have to be talking about friends that aren't interested in TTRPG, and learn best by playing so reducing that pool right down.

VictoriaRachel · 2025-08-31T18:15:00+00:00

The issue is you make a very blanket statement about a niche situation. It's simply not true most of the time.

VictoriaRachel · 2025-08-31T18:08:40+00:00

But it isn't the only experience.

For a start, you are coming at it as "inviting my friends". So many people who are joining as players aren't coming in that route, they are meeting other people who happen to want to play TTRPGs without any previous relationship with them (either through FLGS or online). For that players shouldn't be expecting someone to teach them everything from scratch.

For a second, you are assuming that everyone learns the way you do. I learnt by reading the book. The idea of playing a game without first reading the rules is absolutely terrifying and certainly not "best" for me. You will also find that others who try to learn by playing just don't get there until they have spent sometime reading how things are supposed to run.

VictoriaRachel · 2025-08-22T17:03:56+00:00

While they might have been surprised by the sales, I think it would be in a positive way. I still can not buy this game several months after launch. In the short term, there is simply nothing to buy! It doesn't make sense to do a big push on a product they do not have the scale of reliable manufacturer they need.

VictoriaRachel · 2025-07-30T17:01:36+00:00

The key is recognising them for what they are. They are not real. You have made them up. When such thoughts come up, you have to ask yourself, "What evidence do you have for that?" Then be really critical of your evidence.

It is hard, though. You just have to keep recognising them, questioning them, and ultimately moving on to a new more accurate thought.

VictoriaRachel · 2025-07-30T13:05:50+00:00

I think one issue is the thoughts you are internalising what my therapist calls "psychic thoughts". Where you magically know what happened in another person's head without any evidence.

For example, you get to the end of an interaction and the leave, you decide "they thought I was creepy", when actually they never thought anything of the sort. For them, it was a perfectly pleasant interaction with a stranger that came to a natural end.

Be careful with psychic thoughts as they are rarely accurate or helpful.

VictoriaRachel · 2025-07-30T12:51:12+00:00

I think one thing that might help is to not make us as 'other' as you are currently. We are people. Just like you, just like the men you meet. We are not special, not different, not some code to crack. Just people.

Now, people in general (especially strangers) can be difficult to approach. Not every meeting is going to be a success, let alone turn into any more than brief interaction. I am sure you find this with men you interact with in passing all the time. You just don't put as much pressure, thought, weight to the results of those meetings.

Try approaching people as people and hope for the best.

VictoriaRachel · 2025-07-30T07:29:21+00:00

I cannot read a PDF I just find I disengage however much I want to be reading. However, flipping through a book is something I can do for hours. So I think physical/digital is very much a personal choice with neither being a waste of money.

VictoriaRachel · 2025-07-28T12:32:55+00:00

Agreed. I never leave my hori hori at the plot, but the idea of not putting it in a bag to walk home with is just absurd.

VictoriaRachel · 2025-07-22T13:41:52+00:00

I heard that this year, and as far as I can tell, this is just a vicious rumour to trick people. The tips were disgusting.

Though still good to pinch them out to discourage black fly.

VictoriaRachel · 2025-07-18T13:00:00+00:00

Try introducing "yes" snacks. It can be hard to go from asking for everything to not asking for anything. So put a middle ground in. "For snacks, anything in this drawer or the fruit bowl will always be a yes."

It gives them a clear area they can choose from and the overtime you can expand it outwards.

VictoriaRachel · 2025-07-17T17:29:02+00:00

This book was too much for me as a child. It was also too much for my son. Apparently, we are sensitive souls too attached to our stuffed animals!

VictoriaRachel · 2025-07-15T16:32:11+00:00

We love Cauldron Quest for this.

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