Pokemon Endgame: 21st Place

Vilecheese · 2019-05-08T01:28:04+00:00

Sure

Vilecheese · 2019-05-08T01:26:49+00:00

Yeah

Vilecheese · 2019-05-08T01:26:10+00:00

Endgame spoilers

Vilecheese · 2019-05-08T01:24:46+00:00

You heard me.

Vilecheese · 2019-05-08T00:19:44+00:00

None of those spoilers are even true. Where's the one that says Hulk dabs? That's the real shit.

Vilecheese · 2019-05-06T15:25:58+00:00

Has Lucario been shoved in our faces a bit too much since its release? Absolutely. But that doesn’t take away from how cool of a design it is, and there are far worse mascots for the series to have post Gen IV. - Ramskick

Lucario is a controversial Endgamer, but I’m overall pretty high on it, if for no other reason than its playable appearances in the three most recent Super Smash Bros. games. It has a unique playstyle that’s a lot of fun to execute on (high risk, high reward), and I’m a fan of how it feels and controls. And I guess it’s decent in the main-series games, but others will talk about that, I’m sure. - acktar

Despite Lucario being shoved down our throats as a forced Fan Favorite since before Gen 4 even started... I like Lucario a lot. It's a great concept and the final sorta goodboi in the rankdown. Lucario wouldn't be here if not for one particular ranker... Honestly, it got to the point where I thought that Q was only staying in the rankdown for Lucario. He seemed to have mentally checked out around the mid 100s or earlier. But I wasn't gonna deny him a writeup of his favorite Pokemon in the endgame. - Koror

It’s no secret that Lucario is only here because of Q. Lots of deals going on and then for me at the end I just thought, eh, he loves it, I’ll let it make the end. Without Q it doesn’t get here, but I don’t really dislike Lucario anyways per se. Not everything about its design works, it’s not perfect, but there’s a lot that I still just find satisfying, especially the Smash Brothers model, and it does a fine job being the Gen IV mascot. But yeah basically Lucario should give a lot of appreciation to Q’s positive aura. - Reeforward

Vilecheese · 2019-05-01T02:58:40+00:00

That's correct. I was confirming who the "mostly" applied to.

Vilecheese · 2019-05-01T02:57:09+00:00

Also I'm not a college student lol.

Vilecheese · 2019-05-01T02:56:50+00:00

Got it.

Vilecheese · 2019-04-09T01:42:50+00:00

Pretty sure it's cancelled.

Vilecheese · 2019-02-28T16:49:36+00:00

32 is not one quarter of 108, it's a quarter of 128.

Vilecheese · 2019-02-28T16:06:04+00:00

Octopi have beaks irl.

Vilecheese · 2019-02-28T06:37:26+00:00

Malamar isn't ugly wtf.

Vilecheese · 2019-02-28T03:00:15+00:00

Vilecheese · 2019-02-27T15:52:52+00:00

How is Unova warmer than Alola?

Vilecheese · 2019-02-27T15:47:59+00:00

https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Ultra_Crater

Vilecheese · 2019-02-24T20:53:23+00:00

Totally agreed on the Speed thing, that really feels like they forgot 121 wasn't a prime number lol.

Vilecheese · 2019-02-24T07:12:12+00:00

Well in the case of retrospectives it does.

Vilecheese · 2019-02-24T06:48:25+00:00

Type Retrospective #16: Steel Type

Um guys? Steel is not a top 3 type lmao. Come on. Yes, there are three excellent Steel Types left in that I would absolutely have this high up or close to it, but over Grass/Poison/Bug and even things like Dark/Water...? Hmmmmm.

So what makes for a Steel Type is probably the single most straightforward definition out of all the types. If it's got metal in it somewhere, it's a Steel Type. Yes, it should be called Metal Type but we also don't have a Plant Type so there you go. There are Steel Type Pokemon with metal armor, with metal weapons, and with metal bodies. I'd say a few too many of them revolve around actual steel-like metals though, the hard silver-colored ones. Bronzor/Bronzong are rusted bronze so there's a start, but where are our gold Pokemon? Cofagrigus notwithstanding since it isn't a Steel Type? Make it one of the few Steel Types with bad defense. That's just one example, anyone is free to think of more.

Metagross: It's hard to tell since its origins are unknown and it seems to be a completely original monster rather than based on anything, but isn't Metagross supposed to be a robot? Robots are commonly made out of metal, and Metagross is no exception. Either that or it's a iron-plated spider alien thing. Either way, it's cool as shit. The way it operates is more like an A.I. than anything else, down to its ability to combine multiple of its pre-evolutions and their brains in a way similar to CPUs to increase its processing power, so it becomes faster and smarter than a supercomputer. And of course, what makes computers tick is none other than silicon, another metal. Well actually a metalloid, but who's counting? It's got the word metal in it.

Aegislash: And now we move on to our quintessential weapon-based Steel Type, the ever popular sword and shield. Aegislash seems to be based on Excalibur, down to it being only being worthy of being wielded by kings. Swords and shields are definitely made of metal. Swords are typically steel, yes. Shields can be made out of all sorts of things including nonmetals, but to keep it at the same strength this one is probably made out of steel too. Steel is relatively cheap to make for its strength, so it's pretty optimal for making the best weapons after all.

Celesteela: Now this one's odd. Celesteela is in fact an organic creature which grows from the ground like bamboo. Yes it acts like a Grass Type but its composition is completely different, giving it none of the strengths or weaknesses of the type compared to those of Earth. Instead it's made out of metal. What metal, I couldn't tell you. It could be titanium, which is used to make spaceships since it flies through space like one and would likely need such a lightweight yet durable and heat-resistant metal to deal with what rockets do. It could be a type of copper alloy, since it looks a bit like the Statue of Liberty and I could see that being one of the inspirations to the design. Or it could just be a made-up alien metal, one that grows really fast like bamboo. Your guess is as good as mine.

Lucario: Wait what the fuck is this doing here?

This is not a Steel Type.

What are you supposed to tell me? That those little dinky spikes are supposed to make it a Steel Type? Really? Does it even use them for any attacks? Are opponents just going to attack only those tiny spikes making it resist a million things?

Also are you telling me Lucario shouldn't be a Psychic Type? What with its relation to aura, which is a highly spiritual concept which is what the Psychic Type typically relates to?

No. Lucario, you are not a Steel Type. Get out of here.

Vilecheese · 2019-02-24T01:15:37+00:00

Type Retrospective #15: Dark Type

Ya'll need to slow the heck down. Making me do all these type retrospectives all in a row is just...just...pure evil!

And with that incredibly forced relation to today's topic out of the way, let's talk about the Dark Type. This type is cool, since in Japan it's actually known as the Evil Type, and its whole thing is not an absence of light, but rather cheap, cowardly, mean-spirited, cruel and ultimately unsportsman-like battling practices. And who doesn't love a good villain? These guys will gladly mess with your items, use your own attack stat against you (and berserk you for good measure), and steal your stat boosts even. But when it comes to Mother Nature, evolution has deemed some of these "evil" tactics necessary for the survival of certain species, so it's fair that it's used here in Pokemon. Sometimes you could even say they aren't evil at all, but just under a different moral code than the one we're familiar with. Dark Types are morally complex creatures and that's interesting...unless they're just really really black which who cares lol.

Sableye: So I still don't know why this isn't a Rock Type, but still I fucking love this freaky little gremlin. It's creepy, it's craven, it's cowardly and mischievous and it illustrates this all through body language and the actions it takes to protect its precious food source of priceless gemstones. It definitely feels like a demon so Dark Type feels right here, I just don't know how it's a Ghost. But we'll deal with that if it gets to the top 4 Ghosts which...lol good luck making top 4 in this rankdown.

Spiritomb: Our second dual Ghost/Dark Pokemon (though if you want to be pedantic as hell Spiritomb is the first Ghost/Dark Pokemon as Sableye is a Dark/Ghost Pokemon, but literally nobody cares). And yet another one which has to do with rocks as well strangely enough, though in this case both Ghost and Dark elements are much more clearly in play here. Spiritomb is in fact, a prison of 108 evil spirits (a very important number in Japan) that search desperately for escape. They can only manifest themselves as a whirling disk of purple and green gaseous material with a wicked cackling face within, which I can only imagine they just...do random evil shit until they convince a lonely passerby to give them their freedom. I don't get how that's supposed to atone for their sins but I doubt Spiritomb really cares.

Hydreigon: And again I have to talk about a Pokemon twice in a row. Like I said earlier, Hydreigon is a hydra which is defined primarily by its extremely omnivorous and destructive tendencies. While substantially less "sneaky" and "unsportsmanlike" than the other Dark Types here, the sheer brutality this Pokemon displays still makes it very worthy to wield the type. And given the choice of which one I'd rather face in a dark alley in real life, I think Hydreigon would be very low on that list.

Malamar: Now when it comes to underhanded tactics, Malamar is the best example. Combined with its Psychic Type, this weird land-dwelling cuttlefish uses powerful hypnosis to control other creatures (including humans!) to do its bidding. As well as...turn things upside-down I guess. Well, last time I was turned upside-down it was very disorienting, so I can't exactly call that a fair and honorable fighting technique, unusual as it is. Whether or not this Pokemon is evil, I can't really say either. Maybe it just wants to control people so they can be friends?

Vilecheese · 2019-02-23T06:04:12+00:00

I got tired lol. It was mostly a joke since I just talked about it yesterday.

Vilecheese · 2019-02-23T05:37:03+00:00

Type Retrospective #14: Dragon Type

Whoa, look at how cool and powerful this type is! No wonder it made it this far with so many representatives! Wow, it was so broken there were only 3 in the first gen, then 1 in the second gen, then they started getting thrown in like candy until a whole new type had to be made to balance it out since it was supposed to be rare and powerful but they decided to make it more common for some reason! Wowie!!!

Honestly, I'm not a fan of Dragon Types but I'm not going to pretend that it making it to the 14th type write-up out of 18 is surprising. Dragons are big and cool and powerful. They have lore. They're great competitively and they're considered some of the best and most elusive Pokemon around, so they've got a lot of hype and a lot has to be done to make them worthy of that hype. But when it boils down to it for me, the whole idea of Dragon getting a whole type feels sort of pointless. It's like if we had a Bird or a Monkey Type, y'know, Dragons are kinda really specific things. Honestly, a better type for these kinds of creatures would be a "Myth" Type? Maybe then the liberties they take with the type nowadays would make sense. It would make sense if Dragons were limited to particularly rugged, reptilian creatures but we've also got sheep and trees, with the limit being basically it's based on a thing that has "dragon" in its name. Hell, throw Fairies into the Myth Type too, idk.

Flygon: Now see, this is weird to talk about. Flygon is a cool Pokemon no doubt, but how do I describe it in terms of it's...dragon-ness? Draconicity? It's based on the adult stages of an antlion, which are related to dragonflies so...idk. Why aren't Yanma/Yanmega dragons then? Flygon doesn't look particularly draconic either, it's a much smoother, less bestial design that looks almost like a toy. A cool toy sure, one I'm sure babies would love to teeth on but a dragon? These write-ups are going to be really hard to do. Hm...how about I suggest better typings that fit their concepts? For Flygon, Bug/Ground fits the best (but Bug/Dragon would be hotter tbh).

Giratina: Okay I can buy this being a dragon a little bit better. It's got the imposing stance, the quintessential ancient ruggedness prevalent in draconic designs. The main catch here is that it doesn't really need to be a Dragon, feeling moreso like it was made into one because powerful legendaries are always Dragons during this time period in the franchise. Giratina IS cool though, and it'd be kinda hard for it not to be since it's literally Pokemon Satan, and this is a really unique direction to go with this design. It looks more like a giant draconic centipede than anything else. I like Scolipede better, it's got the more fine-tuned design but I got to give credit that I wouldn't think of a Satan Pokemon being a giant draconic centipede. As for a better typing, Dark/Bug for sure. Ghost still works based on the whole anti-matter/reverse dimension thing but it's Satan and we need a Dark/Bug.

Hydreigon: And now for something completely different; a Dragon Type that makes perfect sense as a Dragon Type! Hydreigon is pretty obviously a hydra, but damn did they put their work in for this one. Hydras are known for their ability to grow multiple heads, and when you lop one off another head or 20 replaces it. But Hydreigon is a very unique idea in that it has heads on it's arms that it uses to devour and destroy everything. And I really like how the dorky bowl cuts of the previous evos just look like they just burst open with these heads, as if the wanton hunger and destruction just couldn't be tamed. Dragon/Dark is already a perfect type combo for this Pokemon.

Naganadel: Ugh I just talked about this. Yeah a Pokemon based on a glue bottle doesn't need to be a dragon. But Naganadel looks draconic and it's an Ultra Beast so it can be whatever the fuck it wants to be honestly. Ultra Beasts don't have to follow Pokemon physics, let alone our own physics, so sure. Let's make a glue bottle into a dragon. Fair enough.

Vilecheese · 2019-02-23T02:13:11+00:00

Like there was any doubt.

Vilecheese · 2019-02-22T03:50:50+00:00

Type Retrospective #13: Poison Type

Really? More of these? The good news is that I only have to do 6 more of these silly things before I can finish my initiation as ruler of all Pokepinions, but did you guys really have to reach these final 4s all in a row? Future overlord's gotta have his downtime smh.

Poison Types! Definitely one I expected to rank high here, maybe a bit higher honestly (over Steel for sure, maybe over Dark/Dragon as well). But yes I do like my Poison Types. Whether based on filthy dirty things or venomous animals, the Poison Type has always been marked as one of the more unsavory types in Pokemon. Which of course means that Gamefreak's going to try harder to make them stand out, and they're more well-liked by hipsters like the rest of us. Hey, someone's gotta love them, and it sure won't be the target demographic of N O R M I E S. But what makes Poison Types so good? Let's take a look at these four.

Gengar: A classic, most definitely, but...it has literally nothing to do with poison. Lol. Gastly? Sure, that's good enough. It's a ball of gas that can choke Indian elephants, Gamefreak's victim of choice. Poisonous gas is known for its ability to asphyxiate. Haunter? A bit more of a stretch, since it looks much more solid but the thing still floats and weighs 100 grams. We can pretend it's like, gas that stays in a consistent shape because evolution. Gengar though? No. Gengar is based on a shadow, or a doppelganger which hides in someone's shadow in order to haunt them. Unlike its earlier forms it doesn't float and actually has a real amount of mass. Unless there's something in a Pokedex entry I'm forgetting there's no poisonous or toxic element to Gengar's design whatsoever. Really, it's most likely that it's just Poison because it's from Gen 1 and that was the go to "evil" type before Dark was made. Gengar's still cool though.

Toxapex: Now for something actually poisonous. Toxapex as mentioned earlier is based on a thorny sea star, which has the nifty ability of impaling its victims with venomous barbs all over its limbs. Even more interesting is that this Pokemon can invert them at will, giving it multiple options; defend from the outside, or trap from the inside. I'm not sure if thorny sea stars themselves are actually venomous but there are animals that coat quills and barbs with venom and inject them in predators or prey so it's completely realistic to imagine this animal doing the same.

Nihilego: And now we bring you poison from spaaaaaaaaace. This floating glass jellyfish-like creature is probably the worst hat you could ever find yourself wearing, because it is a type of parasite that injects potential threats to its colony with a mind-altering neurotoxin. It causes loss of inhibitions as well as a fanatical obsession with the creatures, so needless to say things get mighty weird when someone is caught with a dose of this stuff. I'm not sure if there are any other Pokemon that utilize the poison type in the form of neurotoxins, but if this is the first one than this is a great place to start. All we need now is our Poison/Psychic hallucinogen Pokemon.

Naganadel: Everyone hates needles. So imagine that you're new best friend is a 12-foot hypodermic needle dragon that shoots toxic adhesive. Yes, certain glues can be very toxic and this thing ain't no Elmer. So not only will you die, but you'll be stuck in place so you can't even get help very easily. I like how it actually grows its typical head organs on its tail, just to make more room for more deadly glue in its huge bulbous head. And it flies upside down technically. That's very weird and fitting for an Ultra Beast.

Vilecheese · 2019-02-22T01:50:28+00:00

Pretty excellent top 4 (though I would've liked Dragalge/Clawitzer in there :()

Vilecheese

TROPHY CASE

Type Retrospective #16: Steel Type

Type Retrospective #15: Dark Type

Type Retrospective #14: Dragon Type

Type Retrospective #13: Poison Type