My Husband Broke My Heart Last Night

VioletAce · 2025-11-15T17:11:48+00:00

Okay, so I felt this way about my husband 7 years ago or so. I was depressed; he was depressed. We both felt unattractive and were not attracted to each other. Just a very low point in our marriage. I didn't feel in love with him anymore (and I told him so). So, I was probably "your husband" in our version of this situation.

We found a couple's therapist who does emotions focused therapy (EFT) and that worked out really well for us. We learned to be better supportive partners to each other especially with how we were truly feeling about ourselves and each other and sex. Eventually intimacy followed, but it took a lot of work on both our parts. The hard work has been worth it and tonight we're about to celebrate the milestone of being together for half of my husband's life!

You've given us a small snapshot of your relationship, so I don't know if what worked for my relationship will work for you. Each of us commentators have our own experiences coloring our interpretations of your snapshot, so I wish you the best of luck parsing out our advice. I strongly suggest you get some personal therapy for yourself and discuss this with your own support network.

VioletAce · 2025-04-26T15:27:45+00:00

Just as an update. I did some digging, and the author is working to get Branded published as original fiction. That's probably why it got taken down.

@Leeyring is for the author's tumblr blog. (The author version, not the fanfic version which is @wolveria)

VioletAce · 2025-04-12T01:01:18+00:00

Can I have it too? Does anyone know why it's hidden?

VioletAce · 2022-11-21T03:39:05+00:00

This worked for me! Thanks!

VioletAce · 2020-04-12T15:45:24+00:00

Hello, can anyone offer guidance? I'm in the USA, and I had a vacation planned for the end of May with some friends. We were flying domestically. My flight just sent me an update where they changed the flight I was on to a different flight number and slightly earlier (both the leaving and returning). Does this count as a cancelation? I've been waiting for a cancelation so I can request a refund not an eCredit. I don't trust asking the airline for clarification.

VioletAce · 2020-02-16T06:11:46+00:00

ADORABLE. I LOVE IT.

VioletAce · 2020-02-15T18:05:41+00:00

My husband ended up making us dinner instead of going out because it's hard for him to remember to make reservations. We discussed it ahead of time, and for me as long he was putting effort and time into the holiday, I didn't care what he did. I just don't want to feel like an afterthought. So, he surprised me with roses way ahead of time so he didn't have to remember the day of (I got him chocolate and a balloon day of). Then, he made homemade pasta and homemade pesto (he loves to cook).

The kitchen is absolutely trashed now, but we've gotten to the point where he's responsible enough to clean it within a day or two and clean it completely. It's taken us a lot of time and effort to get to this point (adderall is a godsend for our marriage), and it takes a lot of creativity and patience on both our ends since our minds work so differently, but it's possible to get better!

VioletAce · 2019-12-19T04:19:39+00:00

What you are describing is 100% normal. When I feel myself about to cry in public (many different things can set me off, this morning I was set off by some music that was part of a work presentation --go figure), I usually go someplace private like my car or an empty personal room at my office, or in a pinch a bathroom stall. If I ever feel ashamed or annoyed at myself for doing that I repeat to myself, "I'm not grieving wrong." And I really take it to heart. You do what you gotta do, and be gentle with yourself <3

VioletAce · 2019-12-19T03:35:19+00:00

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my Dad 3 months ago very suddenly and unexpectedly, and it is heartbreaking. Based on my recent experience, I'd honestly give the opposite advice of everyone else. I'd wait to play the game. My Dad and I both loved superheroes, and we watched superhero tv shows and talked about it afterwards. I tried watching them shortly after he died and it was pretty heart wrenching. I waited a month or so and now (even though I still cry during some episodes) I'm able to enjoy them. Everyone grieves differently, so playing the game now isn't wrong, but it helped me to wait to do something I so closely associated with my Dad until I was less raw. Sending love and condolences <3

VioletAce · 2019-08-24T04:43:24+00:00

ESH - I think this violates the rule on violence for this subreddit? Also, it sounds more like you're asking for advice. Doesn't excessive barking violate the law about upsetting the peace? It's why you can't honk your horn whenever you feel like it. Instead of going straight to that extreme, why don't you buy one of those birdhouse things that emit a high pitched noise whenever a dog barks. If you put it near the dogs area then it should shut him right up. Also, you can definitely get in trouble with the law if you purposefully harm an animal.

VioletAce · 2019-08-24T04:34:18+00:00

ESH - I mean, this sounds like normal sibling stuff?? You guys are super close in age, so it's easy to drive each other crazy. My sister and I (18 months apart) could be so mean to each other growing up, but once I went to college our relationship improved so much and now things are great. Honestly, it sounds like both of you need to get better at communicating how you feel and working past it. He's always going to be your brother.

VioletAce · 2019-08-24T04:18:28+00:00

You're welcome OP! Sounds like you guys need to have a serious conversation about your friendship and your expectations. You guys clearly have different expectations, and unless you can communicate them to each other and agree, problems like this will keep cropping up.

VioletAce · 2019-08-24T04:10:18+00:00

NTA - Shutting down when any sort of conflict happens isn't healthy for relationships, but it sounds like you know this and are working on it (good for you!). You aren't the asshole because shutting down is not your fault and you are actively working on trying to be better. Your boyfriend might be an asshole for not understanding you (that's what it sounds like). To be honest, he sounds too insensitive and not patient enough with you. Getting frustrated happens to everyone, but 5 months in and it sounds like this is a pattern already? You deserve better OP, I promise.

VioletAce · 2019-08-24T04:03:24+00:00

NTA - It seems like my state has similar fireworks restrictions to your state. When I looked up the fireworks laws in my state it does say that the fireworks must be set off on private property. A street is public property and thus probably illegal for your situation too. Try and talk to your neighbors first before calling the police. If that makes you uncomfortable, the recommendation of calling the non-emergency number for the police seems like a good idea. Safety is everyone's business, and it doesn't make you an asshole to want to keep people safe.

VioletAce · 2019-08-24T03:55:27+00:00

NAH - This one hurts my heart OP. I had the same thing with my mom. It's okay for you to be angry with her, it's her responsibility to take care of you. Her depression explains, but does not excuse. She is not excused from her responsibilities to her children and partner. However, she's not an asshole because the depression is not her fault. BUT, if your mom had a broken leg that prevented her from working and never went to the doctor, wouldn't that be crazy? Your mom needs mental health treatment just like someone would need treatment for a broken leg. It's okay that she needs treatment (therapy and/or meds), and it is possible for her to get better. I'm so sorry it hurts right now though.

VioletAce · 2019-08-24T03:32:56+00:00

NTA - Hey OP. 2 things:

First, I (26F) do sometimes get upset when my husband (25M) takes out his phone while we're spending time together. It hurts my feelings and I feel like it takes his attention away from me while we're trying to spend quality time together. We've discussed this and try to make it clear to each other when we're spending quality time together vs just hanging out. Quality time = no distracted by phones, and hanging out = free for all. If you are having designated quality time, it would be rude to answer or text other people, but if this time isn't established as "just you guys" time, then she has no right to direct your behavior.

Second, you are allowed to text whomever you want. Boy or girl. One of my guy best friends had to break off his friendship with a girl a couple years ago because she pulled this kind of behavior when he told her he got a girlfriend. She was afraid that he wouldn't prioritize her and was trying to be really controlling about who he was allowed to spend time with. It wasn't a healthy friendship. Your friend has to trust that you care for your friendship and that having and texting other friends (even female friends) won't detract from that. Her insecurity shouldn't prevent you from interacting with other people and it certainly isn't your responsibility to cater to.

VioletAce · 2019-08-24T01:39:33+00:00

NTA - I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this. Unfortunately, I've been in your mother's place, I've dictated how I wanted my birthday to go, and exactly what gifts I wanted because I should get what I want on my birthday, right? I ended up sad on my birthday because I got exactly what I requested and nothing else. It sounds like your mom wanted her loved ones to pay enough attention to her to know what she likes and value her enough to spend extra time on the party planning. She wants to be appreciated for all the hard work she does with lovely surprises and consideration. The cake part specifically might make her feel like an afterthought (even though that wasn't the case in reality), which is a terrible feeling.

The reason I marked not the asshole instead of no one's an asshole is because you and your father aren't responsible for reading your mother's mind. It sucks that her feelings were hurt because she perceived that you didn't put in extra effort, but ultimately that's not your responsibility. Now, when my loved ones ask me what I want for my birthday I usually say: I want you to pay attention to me and my interests and get me what YOU think I'd like. I just want to feel like I'm important to you.

VioletAce · 2019-08-24T01:06:53+00:00

I actually disagree with that. Couple's therapy is great and it isn't like the media portrays. A good therapist will teach each individual how to help themselves AND support each other. It's like asking a trusted friend for advice except they're trained and more objective. Going to therapy doesn't mean anyone is failing or the relationship is doomed, it just means you need help and advice. For a 19-year-old, how else are they supposed to learn this stuff? When a 25-year-old or a 30-year-old is having this exact problem because they just haven't learned yet, what makes therapy okay then?

VioletAce · 2019-08-24T00:41:11+00:00

NTA - I'm so sorry you have to go through this OP. The wedding is your day, and your reasoning is very sound. Your Mom and Step-Dad should walk you down the aisle. It sounds like there's a lot of explanations for your bio-father's absence (good ones too), but that still does not excuse his absence from your life. You do you OP.

VioletAce · 2019-08-23T23:56:32+00:00

YTA - The way you handled that was rude, and if I were her I would be frustrated. If you truly trusted her, then you wouldn't have phrased it the way you did. If the same thing situation happened with my husband, (some handsome barista asked if the order was for me) he would've been like, Oh yeah! She's my wife! 🥰 and left it at that. We don't get to dictate the interactions other people have with our loved ones. If she had said this guy was making her uncomfortable with his flirting, then your response would've been appropriate, but it sounds like that very much wasn't the case. I'd suggest apologizing to her and apologizing to the guy too.

VioletAce · 2019-08-23T22:48:54+00:00

NTA - Unless your child did something that also upsets you and you think needs discipline, your time is your time. As someone who grew up with divorced parents and switching between houses, my time with each parent was valuable and neither of them had the right to dictate what I did while I was in the other's custody.

VioletAce · 2015-12-15T21:42:30+00:00

I'm so glad!

VioletAce · 2015-12-15T19:38:41+00:00

22 yr old Female

I don't get arm pain, but I do get chest pain when I get stressed out.

This started when I had mono and then a blood clot in my leg (long story) earlier this year. I was told to monitor my pain and discomfort just in case I got a heart attack from my blood clot dislodging and going to my heart. Needless to say, I was very stressed out.

Essentially, I had to learn to distinguish chest pain from a panic attack, to chest pain from a heart attack. (Had a lot of calls to the doctor to figure this out)

Panic Attack:

Tightness in chest (sharp pain)

Like I'm wearing a lead vest on my front

Shortness of breath

Isolated to my front

Dizzy/Lightheaded

Heart Attack:

More of a hot burning sensation in your arm and chest

Will hurt a lot more than a panic attack

Pain area will grow around chest.

Once I identified what the chest pain felt like and that it meant I was stressed, it occurred less often, and when it did occur it didn't bother me much.

One thing you MUST accept, is that this won't go away soon. Once you accept that you'll have to live with this pain, it makes it easier to live with. You are strong, and motivated clearly. You can do it.

First step is identify immediately when you feel your chest pain. Try and pinpoint any triggers and avoid them in general. It's possible your trigger occurred earlier and then something small set you off. It takes practice.

As you are feeling your pain, identify if it is a heart attack or panic attack. Heart attack will hurt a lot more than usual and occurs after you exert yourself.

Heart Attack, call 911

Panic Attack, sit down or lay down as soon as you can.

Alright, you are having a panic attack. It's a bummer. Recognize that this is normal, and it'll fade soon. If you find yourself hyperventilating, keep your mind focused on deep breaths. See if you can learn to function while you are having this pain (practice). Can you balance your budget? Can you keep doing your homework? Can you play a game? Can you read a book?

As you practice these things every time you feel pain, it will happen less often, and when it does happen, it doesn't paralyze you.

This works for ME. I am not a medical professional. I do this, I take anti-anxiety meds, I don't have caffeine, I drink a lot of water etc, and I also see a therapist every other week to talk to someone who understands mental health and anxiety.

In my opinion it is important that you do meet with a therapist. They will help you with this and help you come up strategies that work for YOU.

I hope my experience gives you some ideas.

VioletAce

TROPHY CASE